Please keep in mind that I am not advocating violence towards these or any people. Nor do I have plans to assault any of these people. Ok, legal disclaimers out of the way, if there were no harm to others or legal consequences, here are ten people I would punch in some vulnerable part of their anatomy. Instead I’m going to punch them right now with words.
10. Dr. Phil: Yes, I am aware we share a name. Hopefully that is the end of any similarities. What a self-righteous jerk. You just know that sometime soon some crazy scandal about him will come out. Mark my words, his wife isn’t in the audience to support her man. She’s keeping an eye on him. Those holier than thou types are usually the biggest nutjobs behind closed doors.
9. Nate Berkus: This smug and smarmy interior decorator just walks around his show like he thinks he is the greatest thing since Dr. Phil. Nate Jerkus is more like it. I bet at home he sits around in dirty boxers and wipes his boogers on the furniture. See that picture? That’s an awfully big forehead. It’s the kind of forehead that would be hard to miss with a fist.
8. Gordon Ramsay: I’m guessing a lot of people want to punch this guy. One of his shows is Master Chef Junior where he yells at kids about their cooking. I’m betting though that his on screen tough guy persona is an act. At night he goes home and cries himself to sleep while listening to Rick Astley.
7. Nancy Grace: Could anyone be a meaner shrew than her? Nancy Grace is so mean that one woman committed suicide after being interviewed by Nancy. Nancy is also a big, fat liar. When Nancy was covering the Cleveland kidnappings story she pretended to be interviewing another reporter from another location. You know, one of those split screen things where you are led to believe the people are in two different places? Both reporters were in the same parking lot in Phoenix. She’s mean and she lies.
6. Justin Bieber: How did you not see this coming? I’m pretty sure I’m not even close to the front of the line of people who want to punch him. You might think Amanda Bynes deserves to be on this list for all the horrible things she’s said about her family. She’s mentally ill. I feel sorry for her and her family. Justin has no such excuse. He’s an asshat.
5. Kanye Kardashian: Unsurprisingly, he’s the least talented member of his marriage. For the first decade of this century he threw a fit every time he didn’t win an award. Remember when he interrupted Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV Music Awards? I would have loved to see her take that trophy and knock him out cold with it. His kid is only one and she’s already mad that her stupid dad named her North. I bet she spits up on him all the time. I would too.
4. Chelsea Handler: She’s like Nancy Grace trying to be funny, but she’s not.
3. Mark Zuckerberg: Remember when we used to like Facebook? Then Zuckerberg decided to turn it into a money making machine with targeted ads, collecting our personal info, and changing stuff. Remember MySpace where the dude that founded it “friended” everybody? Mark has yet to respond to my invitation.
2. All people with no awareness that others exist: You know those people that walk around with zero awareness that other people are around them? They walk slow. They meander. They stop right in front of you. They just don’t hear or sense when other humans are near them. An occasional punch to the neck might make these dopes a little more vigilant.
1. The Nurse that didn’t want to be quarantined: Yes, I understand it’s inconvenient to be confined to your house for 21 days. Guess what? It’s inconvenient for other people to die of Ebola because you were bored. So you showed no symptoms? So what? The doctor that just died of ebola had two negative tests before they figured out that he really did have it. Glad you enjoyed your bike ride.
So who are the people you love to hate?
As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by Facebook, Twitter or re-blogging. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil