Throwback Thursday! The Man Who Would Be Bieber

This is one of the worst stories I have ever reported on The Phil Factor. Proceed at your own risk.

(03/22/14) First off, I have to apologize to my readers for having missed this story last fall. Secondly, I have to apologize for including it on my blog at all.

SheldonBieber

No, despite my obvious boyish charm I do not strive to be Bieber-like. Thirty-three year old German-born songwriter Toby Sheldon, pictured on the left above and now living in the United States, does. He has spent roughly $100,000 on plastic surgery to look as much like the Biebs as possible. It’s not just him though. If you Google you’ll find dozens of pictures of people that have had plastic surgery to look like their favorite stars. Then you’ll find dozens of pictures of their favorite stars who have had plastic surgery to try to reclaim the beauty of their youth.  That’s what Toby Sheldon claims as his motivation; the pursuit of a youthful look.

Maybe I should I have titled this The Pursuit of Youthfulness or Youth is Wasted on the Young. If I had though I’d get half as many views. The Bieber may be a colossal asshat, but his name pulls readers to my blog like nobody’s business. Bieber may be the dumbest rich person in the world, but he does have a youthful look. Hey Toby Sheldon, guess what? It’s because he is young, you moron. You’re in your 30’s. I can’t blame Toby too much though. I may not want to look like the Biebs, but I wouldn’t mind looking younger. Like most men, I have the Peter Pan Complex, which is every man’s desire to be portrayed on Broadway by Sandy Duncan.

Peter Pan2

It used to be that men’s Peter Pan Complex was the result of incongruity between our minds and our bodies. As women will attest, men stop maturing when they’re about seventeen years old. We look in the mirror with our seventeen your old brains and see a forty year old with gray or no hair, crows feet and no discernible abs to speak of. The cognitive dissonance is jarring. Now, our Peter Pan Complex is media driven.

You can’t turn around without seeing a magazine cover or commercial with some shirtless twenty-five year old actor or athlete who only has 2% body fat and a 28″ waist. When I was younger there was no pressure for men to look perfect. When I was a kid the professional athletes and actors were completely out of shape. They smoked and drank and had beer guts and still got the girl. There was no standard to live up to. Now our wives are all ogling these statuesque dudes on TV that we can never look like because we actually have full time jobs that don’t involve working out. Then on top of everything else, you’ve got Vladimir Putin posting shirtless pictures everywhere. He runs a frickin’ country (maybe two now) and he’s out hunting shirtless! I can’t compete with that.

Putin

It is so unfair and unrealistic how men are portrayed by the media. You women just don’t understand what we’re going through.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by the Facebook, Twitter, or Re-blog button below. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Picture credits: vnews24.it, funnyordie.com

15 responses to “Throwback Thursday! The Man Who Would Be Bieber

  1. This made me chuckle – good start to the morning 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My heart aches for you, truly.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I laughed at the Sandy Duncan line even before I hit the picture, and then spewed my coffee. The new keyboard’s on you, Phil.
    😡
    Coming up with creative, funny ideas every week–you are impressive, honestly.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Shhhh….let’s not tell Toby
    That we all think he’s crazy
    And, huh, Beiber? not so much
    He looks more like a lady

    Liked by 1 person

  5. See now, women have put up with that sort of shizzle for generations. Boobs, bums, phizogs all up for grabs, so to speak, in the commentary stakes. You should still look like a Hollywood goddess after umpteen weans apparently. Fortunately, I do. Just my eyes that need correction. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  6. H aha ha! just tweeted this – very funny and a good point, though it’s about time the men started having complexes about their saggy look like us women! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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