Justin Bieber: Still out there? Yup. Then I’m still annoyed.
Terrorists: I’m pretty pissed at all of them, both foreign and domestic, regardless of what their agenda is.
Creative, Intelligent People: Hey a-holes, how about you stop making worthless crap like apps, drones, Call of Duty 12, and hoverboards and use your intelligence to solve serious problems like global warming and cancer?
Donald Trump: You want to be President, but you obfuscate the issues by making the campaign into a circus. How about you answer a question with something other than a joke? It’s annoying. It’s like listening to me all day, except my jokes aren’t alienating entire countries and groups of people. And you made me use the word “obfuscate” in public. Jerk.
Airlines: This year They found a piece of the Malaysian jet that disappeared in 2014. Why couldn’t they find it? I’ve got a GPS in my car that a satellite in outer space can find no matter where I drive in the world. How about somebody put one of those in the planes?
The British Royal Family: They act all snooty like they’re more refined than us because they’re British. They’re basically The Kardashians with an accent.
The Eurovision Song Contest: For those of you not familiar, it’s basically American Idol, but it’s an epic worldwide contest where each country sends one singer. Why isn’t America invited? Because they fear us, that’s why! I am hearby declaring this blog post a petition to Eurovision to have the U.S. winner of American Idol be our representative in a Worldvision Song Contest. We’re the United States of America for cripes sake! We can’t let the rest of the world doing things better than us!
Happy New Year to all my wonderful blog friends! ~Phil