TBT: There’s a New Pope!

Ok, there isn’t a new Pope. To commemorate the Pope’s visit to the United States I’m reposting what I blogged in April of 2005 when the previous Pope was elected. Yes, I said 2005. The Phil Factor has spanned two Popes and two Presidents. In fact, Pope Jon Paul II died the day before The Phil Factor was born. Or did he die so that #ThePhilFactor could be born?¬†Hey, it’s the circle of life. I don’t make the rules. What I think I’m trying to say here is that God wants you to read The Phil Factor. It’s his favorite blog. In the picture below following his election, Pope Benedict is saying “All hail The Phil Factor!” He was speaking in Latin, but I’m pretty sure that’s what he said.


(4/19/2005) There’s a new Pope and it’s not me. Again. The whole process just pisses me off. It’s all political. It’s who you know. It’s who you kissed up to. Just because I’m not a glad handing Cardinal in the Catholic church I don’t even get a whiff of consideration for the job. I didn’t even get a single write in vote. That is totally not fair. If I am ever elected Pope the first thing I’m going to do is revise that hat. It’s got to be a total pain in the ass to get through doorways wearing a 3 foot hat. I think a nice papal baseball cap worn backwards would be cool. It could have a big “V” on the front for Vatican. If I was Pope I’d also have one of those big foam No. 1 fingers for waving from the balcony to the millions of people who wait outside all the time. You know there is no way that the guy standing 800 rows back from the Vatican can see that little Miss America wave that the Pope does. I’ve got a goatee. If I were Pope I’d keep that. A Pope with a goatee would be cool. Especially if it was me.

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2 responses to “TBT: There’s a New Pope!

  1. I believe you also have no hope
    Of ever becoming pope
    I know you that you must be disgusted
    By the terrible injustice
    But you must stop to acknowledge
    Those vids they found of you in college
    And the times when you were caught
    Red handed smoking all that pot.

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