The Google Self-Driving Car is Going to Be a Big ‘Hit’

Google is widely considered one of the most innovative and forward-thinking companies in the world. With projects like the Google Glass glasses, Google Glucose Sensing Contact Lenses, Google dogs, (yes, Google dogs. Click the link and check it out, it’s pretty cool) , nap pods in the Google offices and the Google Self-Driving Car, the company always seems to be looking out for us with an eye to the future.


I love their work. I love the creative innovation. I want to work for them like Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson did in The Internship. (It’s a very funny movie. You should watch it.) Do you think that Google needs someone to write a humorous blog about their products? I do. What a great way to connect with consumers! People always remember things that make them laugh. Google, you know where to find me.


So it’s pretty clear that I love all things Google, except one…

When we think of the Google Self-Driving Car we imagine just punching in an address and kicking back while the car takes us to our destination. What could be better than that? We can text, watch TV, or even nap, right? One concern about this futuristic wonder of modern technology is accidents. Google has of course added loads of sensors that will help the car to brake and maneuver to avoid accidents and pedestrians. No system is foolproof however, so this past week Google patented one more thing to add to it’s arsenal of safety features.

Think of the ‘what if’ situation of a self-driving car hitting a pedestrian. If one of us driving our car hit a pedestrian we’d hit the brakes of course. But when that happens the pedestrian sustains two impacts; one when the car hits him and another when he hits the ground. In an effort to avoid the second impact of the pedestrian hitting the ground, Google obtained a patent for what amounts to super strong flypaper for the hood of their cars.


Yes, the car hits the pedestrian and the struck pedestrian sticks to the hood of the car. Second impact avoided with the ground=less pedestrian injuries. Sounds crazy, but great, right?

Does anyone else see a potential problem with this? What happens if you set your destination for a cross country trip and you fall asleep or lapse into a diabetic coma on the way? You’d show up at your final destination with a car covered in drifters. People, maybe still alive, just stuck to the hood for hours or days!

As a guy however, what a great way to pick up chicks, literally! Instead of Tinder you can use Fender! (Phil Factor patent pending) No need to swipe right, just turn right!

For the police, they’d never have to get out of their car. They’d only have to run down the perps instead of shooting them all the time like they do now.

Ironically Google’s cloud storage is called the Google Drive, and after Google reads this, I’m pretty sure all the files in my Google Drive will mysteriously disappear and my SEO rank will fall behind that magician from L.A.. Don’t worry Google, I still love you and I’ll be the first in line for the Self-Driving Car. Then again, do I have to wait in line to get one or should I just wait for one to come along and hit me?

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Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

15 responses to “The Google Self-Driving Car is Going to Be a Big ‘Hit’

  1. I think Google may have gone to far
    Making a self driving car
    But then again, actually
    It probably drives better than me!

  2. Love the fly paper idea. You could then rush your victim to the ER and then to the lawyer’s office.

  3. Comedy gold, Phil—the Fender app (but not the amps)! On another note, is this for real: flypaper on the hood? On yet another note, I LOVE the driverless car idea. I think it’s inevitable and a good idea. Here’s the caveat, though (well, one of them), and I don’t mean it to sound callous. What can we do to sustain all the ‘extra’ people who might have died in traffic accidents, whether they were at fault or someone else was or ‘act of god’ situations? I think computers, even when/if they do drive a larger number of cars, will make FAR fewer mistakes than humans, and you won’t have tailgating, changing lanes recklessly at high speeds without signaling, and just general aggressive driving (not defensive, but offensive driving!). Anyway, I’ve let driverless cars figure in several of the stories I’m writing and have written. As long as we don’t let Arnold Schwarzenegger near them (“Total Recall,” which I think is based on a Philip K. Dick book/story), I think we’ll be OK! 🙂

    • Yes, the Google flypaper is for real. Thanks for mentioning the Fender app joke. That was my favorite part of the whole thing. You are obviously very intelligent and perceptive.

    • I’m looking forward to reading one of your stories. Is there anything published I can get on my Kindle?

      • Thanks for asking, Phil. No, nothing on Kindle yet, unless one of the anthologies I’ve been accepted to goes to Amazon (but I don’t think they do). For now, my writing’s on the blog, in progress or looking for a home, and at moonShine Review’s site (they just published a flash fiction of mine [not sci-fi, however] in their Spring/Summer print edition). You’ve set my mind working, though, Phil. Perhaps I could make something for Kindle or at least Amazon. Consider it on the to-do list! 🙂

      • You definitely could do something for Kindle. A collection of short stories or other writing? The format is flexible and available to everyone. I got tired of playing the game with agents and publishers pretty quickly and published my own stuff. A lot of well established authors are publishing some things in

      • Let me finish my comments. A lot of authors that have traditional contracts with agents and publishers are also self-publishing. Self-publishing isn’t viewed the way it used to be.

  4. Reblogged this on The Phil Factor.

  5. Te image of arriving with all those folks attached to the car was laugh out loud funny. Nice job, Phil

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