How Fidget Spinners Are Destroying Our Future 

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a fidget spinner, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a fidget spinner, baby
Right round round round ~ partially borrowed from You Spin Me Round by Dead or Alive

Maybe it’s happened. Maybe unbeknownst to me, I’ve turned into a crotchety, cranky, cantankerous old man. I suppose the fact that I used the word ‘unbeknownst’ is probably a sign that I’m verging into the “Hey you kids! Get off of my lawn” phase of my life. Or maybe … millions of people are idiots. So as not to disrupt the consistent ‘brand‘ I’ve built here on #ThePhilFactor, I’m going to go with the millions of idiots theory. Are you one?

Are you one of the millions of idiots that have a “fidget spinner” because life is just too stressful and your hands and mind cant be idle to ponder the mysteries of the universe for even a minute?

For my readers from outside of North America, I don’t know if these are in your country yet, but fidget spinners are those little things that are in the top picture of this post. People just hold them between their thumb and forefinger and spin them. That’s it. That’s all they do. What does that accomplish? I have no idea. Allegedly they help relieve stress and boredom. WTF? Are you kidding me? What the hell happened to cell phones? Adults and kids all over the United States are buying these stupid little toys and carrying them with them everywhere.

Is this what our society has come to? Are we so accustomed to constant external stimulation that our minds are unable to cope with thirty seconds of boredom? I think that these idiotic things are representative of our society as a whole, and it’s not good. Not good at all.

But Phil“, you’re saying to yourself, “fidget spinners are just a harmless toy. How could they possibly be a bad thing for society?” First, thank you for saying my name when you speak in your head. I love that. Second, think about our lives before “smart phones.” When we were bored, we daydreamed, we reminisced, and we thought of stuff. The people who created Google and Amazon didn’t have fidget spinners or smart phones. They had a shit load of free time to think of stuff. How about the space program? You ask a twenty year old if they want to have a manned mission to Mars and they’d be like, “What? Why would I go to Mars when I can just look it up on my phone?”

Stephen King? Shakespeare? The Wright Brothers? Yup, they had no fidget spinners or smart phones. The people who invented smartphones had no smartphones or fidget spinners. Anything and everything great in our life was invented before cell phones and fidget spinners! Right now there are thousands of millenials taking jobs at Google and they’re skateboarding into work with fidget spinners in their pockets and the creative idiots that run the company are going to let them play with those stupid things all day. I predict the end of Google within two years. The Phil Factor, however, will still be going. You know why? That’s right, because I don’t have a fidget spinner. Tell me, has anything truly great, truly advancing human kind occurred since fidget spinners were invented? Bueller? Bueller? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Case closed.

You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a fidget spinner, baby
Right round round round

Now you’ve got that song stuck in your head. You’re welcome. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

22 responses to “How Fidget Spinners Are Destroying Our Future 

  1. The problem with fidget spinners is that they were originally designed for kids with ADD and other similar things. They were supposed to sit quietly at their desk and spin one unnoticeably in order to help them. But as soon as the other mosey neurotypical saw it, they all had to have one too, completely ruining them for everyone. They became a distraction. Classes start banning them and then the kids who needed them can’t have it.
    Not to mention that yes, they are kind of dumb. And now they make them with lights and MP3 players and it’s by far the dumbest fad of the last while, and I do know about the Pet Rock.

    • Yes, I was well aware they were designed for kids with ADHD and as someone with a Masters in Psych and 19 years working with children and adolescents, I never thought much of their therapeutic value.

  2. Hey, Phil, I have a cane in the closet if you want it to shake at the wayward youth of society.

  3. I do not and never will, own a fidget spinner. I’m waiting for the next news report. Massive pile up on Rt 80 due to distracted drivers fidgeting. Ugh!

  4. Forget that song being stuck in my head — every time one of my six kids gives that evil
    spinning contraption an ominous flick of his finger, your name “Phil” will be what gets stuck in my head!

    “But Phil, fidget spinners are just a harmless toy. How could they possibly be a bad thing for society?” said no mother ever.

    Loved this post.

  5. You know you’re definitely a winner
    If you’ve got a fidget spinner
    Trendy, you’re down with the pack
    And that’s five bucks you’ll never get back.

    By the way, you know the lead singer from Dead or Alive passed away recently. Guess that answers that question.

  6. I can’t believe I’d forgotten about the “original” fidget spinner. I’d spent probably more time than I should admit spinning rulers on pencils when I was bored enough during class. 😝

  7. Time for a positive here…I have a guy next to me at my office who now that he has a fidget spinner doesn’t comb his his beard with a fork nearly as often.

  8. I hate them… but then that’s possibly because I can’t do them! Can’t seem to get any speed up before they fall off my finger. That’s causes me stress! Interestingly, we had a debate at school over whether they were worthy of the hype. Although the kids say they love them, they came out with loads of negative arguments about why they’re annoying and can see why adults would hate them. So at least that was a plus.
    I just give all the ADD kids blu-tack. Works a treat! (The slime craze however, is another thing I’d like to see gone when we go back in September).

  9. My son got a fidget spinner as a party favor at a birthday party. Now my daughter wants one, because “it’s not fair that he has one and I don’t.” Neither of them have big enough hands to spin it properly. Usually, we spin it on the table or floor, stare at it for 10 seconds, then stop it. What a boring “toy”! My kiddos much prefer an empty box to most toys.

  10. I have my own spinner, and got them for the grandkids. Love the Classic! Everyone seems to have ADHD, except me.

  11. Haha! I get you. People can’t simply ‘be.’ I don’t believe they were designed to help those with ADHD. They were designed as something quick, easy, profitable, eye catching for kids. To distract. That’s what our society does. Go play with a rock and spin in if you need stimulation. I’ve not ever touched a fidget spinner AND proud to say I was not one of the idiots chasing imaginary creatures via my mobile phone. Is the asteroid coming get us yet?! We need a do over.

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