TBT! Could Healthy, Organic Foods Be Killing You? Probably.

(Sept. 6, 2014) The answer is of course! If you hit anyone hard enough with a cantaloupe it would probably kill them. The question is are health foods killing you slowly and insidiously the way health food advocates claim that all those so called “unhealthy” foods are?


See that picture? Notice the smiling cartoon children? Of course they’re cartoon children! You can’t get real children to smile about squash for breakfast! I’m calling Child Protective Services on anyone who buys this for their kids.

A clinical study that I would do if I had the time would show that healthy, organic foods are killing us little by little, emotionally and maybe physically. In an article I found online anthropologist Rachel Caspari said that by examining Neanderthal dental records, her team established that 130,000 years ago, ‘no-one survived past 30. At least I think that’s what she was saying. I didn’t want to read further in case she presented some alleged facts that wouldn’t support my point.

And what is my point? My point is that 130,000 years ago nobody was frying stuff, nobody was adding antibiotics to anything and nobody was giving cows steroids, and guess what? They didn’t live past 30. So back when all we ate was organic foods nobody lived very long. Then when we started adding additives, preservatives and trans fats around 1900 or so the average human lifespan in many developed countries has extended to 80 or better.

See that picture? “Chickenless” nuggets? Just knowing they exist made my soul die a little bit. Take a moment to imagine a life where you wake up, grab a cup of Fair Trade, Organically Grown Coffee, pour yourself a bowl of Banana Squash Squares for breakfast and then, after a long, hard day of work, you come home to a dinner of “Chickenless” nuggets made from textured wheat protein. Maybe later with a glass of organic wine you’ll munch on some flax seeds. Did any of you feel happy when you imagined that scenario? No! Of course not. Health food is bad for your soul. Now picture swinging by Starbucks in the morning to grab a brownie and a tall Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino. Then for lunch you grab a juicy burger and fries. When you return home maybe you eat a little healthy by having some nice salmon, but when you settle down later you top the day off with a couple chocolate chip cookies. How did you feel when you thought about that day? Much better right? So called “bad” food is good for your soul.

Also, if nuggets were to forever be chicken-less, would the chicken population explode and civilized areas would be overrun by chickens running around without having their heads cut off? That’s the apocalypse scenario I’m worried about. Zombie chickens!

Picture credit: play.google.com

Picture credit: play.google.com

So, in summary, if you eat too much “healthy” food you won’t live as long or feel as happy, and you would cause us to be overrun by chickens. Is that what you want?

So what are your favorite indulgent foods that make you feel better at the end of a rough day? What are the worst healthy foods you’ve ever seen or eaten? As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

12 responses to “TBT! Could Healthy, Organic Foods Be Killing You? Probably.

  1. I guess since organic food have lower shelf life, if we consume our shelf life is shorter. On the other hand the preservatives in the other non organic food have longer shelf life. That explains it now why we live longer😁

  2. Fake meat freaks me out. It has the texture of a kitchen sponge. I will be haunted by those chickenless nuggets.

  3. Since I’ve lived beyond the oldest Neanderthal, I’m taking my chances on delicious food, like nachos, to keep me healthy. And I’m going to support chickens by eating the real thing, instead of the fake organic factory made chicken. Heck, even dirt is organic, but you won’t catch me eating it. Unless it inadvertently gets mixed into my tortilla chips, in which case I’m eating it with abandon!

  4. You cracked me up!
    Foods I want at the end of the day — I’d say ice cream is probably tops on my list. Ice cream is life, Phil.

  5. LOL! Okay Phil, I propose we collaborate on the new screenplay trilogy, “Planet of the Poultry” Titling it that will also imply sequels about turkeys and ducks taking over the world — not to mention Chicken Kiev. Those sneaky Russians. ;-). You in?

  6. Chocolate chocolate and then some more
    Of that treat I can be sure
    Rather than some vegan scrap
    That looks suspiciously like crap.

  7. Even though I eat a fairly healthy diet, I do enjoy some cookies or ice cream at the end of the day. And wine. Lots of wine.

  8. My husband bought this granola/oatmeal mix to try to help us eat more “healthy” and it included ancient super grains like Sorghum, etc. I became violently ill. My body literally cannot handle the stuff. Maybe for good reason! Awesome post.

  9. Pingback: Stop buying these so-called health foods – LIFESTYLE DESIGN

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