Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

Photo courtesy of Charles Schultz

In the United States it’s traditional to get together with family on Thanksgiving and share the important things you’re thankful for before gorging yourself on a meal centered on the large, dead carcass of the ugliest bird in North America. Every year everyone shares the usual platitudes about being thankful for family, friends and good heath. Duh! Who can’t come up with that? When I decided to write this I set out to write a positive, uplifting post so that my loyal readers don’t think that my every thought and written or spoken word are tinged with biting sarcasm. So without further adieu, here are some of the everyday things I am thankful for:

1. Girl Scout Cookies: Holy crap! Paradise in cookie form! Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos, Tagalongs, Samoas, Dulce de Leche and many more. Most of the names are completely meaningless in relation to what the actual cookie is, but who the hell cares? I think the mysteriously weird names add to our desire for them. Great cookies, but the Girl Scouts organization is one of the dumbest businesses in existence. They have a product that is universally loved and they only sell it one month a year? Morons! All of them. Their stupid little badges certainly aren’t in business administration. If they sold those cookies year round they’d be a multi-billion dollar operation listed on the New York Stock Exchange. If they sold those cookies year round they could put crack cocaine out of business.

2. The Keurig Coffee Maker: I don’t give a rat’s ass if they price those stupid little “pods” at $5.00 each, it will be well worth it if I can keep getting my morning cup of joe in 30 seconds. My time is valuable and Keurig gave me back about 5 minutes of every morning where I don’t have to stand there staring a a gurgling coffee maker.

3. Screw cap wine bottles: How does it make the wine better if you have to use a separate device that looks like it was designed for medieval torture to open it? And how often have you had the cork break and you have to use all sorts of improvised techniques to get it out and then the wine still has a bunch cork pieces in it that you fish out with your fingers? My wine sources tell me the screw cap is coming back. Simpler is better. Leave the corks for the French snobs to wrestle with. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, all wine bottles will have screw caps.

4. Twitter: As you know, I love my Twitter. If anything big happens anywhere in the world it’s on Twitter instantly. If I need a laugh, give me one minute with my Twitter feed and one of the everyday comedic geniuses on Twitter will give me a smile. Want to know an opposing viewpoint? It’s there on Twitter.

All of You: Lastly I’m thankful for all of you, friends, family, co-workers, and strangers from all over the world. You make my day with your likes and comments. Happy American Thanksgiving to you no matter where you’re reading this from. In the comments, if you’re in the bathroom hiding from family, why don’t you add something unusual that you’re thankful for today!

Have a great day! ~Phil

20 responses to “Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

  1. i love your list – happy thanksgiving

  2. Great list…as always. 😀 Happy Thanksgiving.

  3. I’m thankful for this guy on Instagram that post pictures of his ugly ties. They’re awful, each one worse than the last. Never laughed so hard in all my life. Happy turkey day, Phil.

  4. I’m not a fan of using a corkscrew either – I’m too clumsy! Also a big fan of Twitter.

  5. Happy Thanksgiving!!

  6. I am thankful for you, Phil. Happy Thanksgiving.

  7. Happy Thanksgiving! 🙂

  8. Love wine bottles with screw tops, not a huge fan of Girl Scout cookies (don’t send me hate mail). I am thankful for turnip – an under appreciated vegetables that doesn’t adorn most Thanksgiving tables because people have been brainwashed to think it is yucky. I made creamed turnip to take to our family gathering, and it is amazing! Happy Thanksgiving!

  9. Happy Thanksgiving 🙂 We’re grateful for you, too. Pass the Do-Si-Dos.

  10. I am thankful for a great pair of tweezers Victoria Secret bras… heavenly 😉
    Happy Thanksgiving. 🍁

  11. I wish the company that bakes Girl Scout cookies would bring back their sandwich cookies. I remember them tasting even better than Oreos.

    Simply brew a pot of coffee the night before, then put the pot in the refrigerator before the coffee cools down. Refrigeration keeps the coffee fresh, so all you have to do the next morning is pour a cup and heat it in the microwave for a nice hot cup o’joe.
    I’ve been doing this for years now.
    Take care, now ….

  12. I’m with you, especially for 2 and 3! Happy thanksgiving 😊

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