99 Chinese Balloons… 99 个中国气球

Apparently this was a popular look in 1980’s Germany

Some of you might remember the 1983 Nena hit song 99 Red Balloons/99 Luft Ballons. Apparently the Chinese like their luft ballons enough that they sent a couple of them to the U.S. and Latin America this week. Seriously, is there anyone else on the entire world wide web that in response to Chinese spying, would bring you the armpit hair of a 1980’s German pop star? Search engines won’t know what to make of this, so thank you to the 25 people who have read this entire paragraph.

I love the German version better (except for the armpit hair)

So the Chinese are spying on us with balloons? Maybe in another decade they’ll figure out how to use airplanes and then by 2050 maybe a satellite in orbit. C’mon China, if North Korea can fire a few missiles into the ocean, certainly you can figure out something more complex than balloons, right? Here’s my theory: they sent the balloons to throw us off the track where we believe that they’re using Tik Tok to spy on us.

Or maybe it’s balloon boy from 2009. Remember that?

If you don’t recall this or you’re from another country, in 2009 his parents sent this giant spaceship type balloon into the sky above Colorado and told authorities that their 6 year old son, Falcon, was in the runaway balloon. After 90 minutes of fighter jets pursuit, the balloon landed. When Falcon was not found to be inside, some moron claimed they had seen something fall from the balloon, and a ground search ensued. Later the boy was found in a closet at home and admitted that his idiot parents told him to hide so they could do the balloon bit for publicity. They both served some jail time and had to pay some big fines. If I’m balloon boy Falcon, I’m opening a hot air balloon ride company somewhere.

Chinese leader Xi Jinping waving good bye to the balloons

Hmm…Kim Jong Un was referred to as Rocket Man for his penchant for shooting missiles into the ocean. Apparently Xi Jinping, leader of China should be 2023’s Balloon Boy/ 气球男孩

I have one more theory…

Is it possible that Xi Jinping wanted to be perceived like “the great and powerful Oz”? What leader wouldn’t want that? Oz had a balloon and he had swag!

Hey Xi Jinping, this is all in good fun. Love the balloons, and if I end up suspiciously dead, everyone that reads this blog will point the finger at you!

Have a great Saturday everybody! You got my back, right? ~Phil

3 responses to “99 Chinese Balloons… 99 个中国气球

  1. Good one, Phil. I think the world has gone nuts.

  2. Since you’re looking for someone who’s got your back, I assume you’ve got your front covered. But just in case you’re in need of a front man, I know a nurseryman who specializes in fronting for shady businesses (if that ‘leaves’ you out, I’m sorry to have bothered you). ;-).

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