1. Pineapples: There is an abundance of pineapples and pineapple images in and around their home. If the pineapples are upside down, that’s proof positive that they play well with others.
2. Flamingos: If you show up to visit your folks at The Villages in Florida and this is their front yard, just turn around and go. Text them that your flight was canceled. You don’t want to know.
3. Gold wedding bands replaced by a black ring: Apparently in certain crowds, gold and diamonds are not a girls best friend.
4 & 5 Garden pampas grass and white landscaping rocks?? I really don’t get this one. Using tacky landscaping to advertise your sexual proclivities? After all that yard work, who has energy for sex?
5. Having a hot tub: About a month ago my neighbors across the street put a hot tub in their garage. It’s winter here, so that’s understandable. But are Gabe and Sheila trying to send me and my wife a sign?
6. Garden Gnomes: Is nothing sacred? Garden gnomes? Really? Are you folks so desperate that you’ll hump anyone who spruces up their yard ?!!?
7. Loofahs: Apparently the horny folks in The Villages, Florida have adopted a color code system with loofahs on their cars to advertise their proclivities to others. Or have they? Some residents are pushing back on this rumor, saying that they do it so they can find their car in crowded parking lots. Methinks they doth protest too much!
8. You catch your parents having sex with your neighbors: This one is pretty self/explanatory. Has this ever happened to you?
9. Friends of friends? Apparently this is swinger code. If you’re at a social gathering and ask someone how they met and the answer is “We’re friends of friends” then they might be swingers who met at a party.
10. Wristbands? Remember those yellow Lance Armstrong wristbands? I wore one. Apparently nowadays the swinging crowd has the wristband game going on. And no, don’t ask, I don’t know where to get those.
I published this mostly to cause people to freak out about their parents. It could be your parents or your neighbors. Chances are that you know swingers somewhere in your life but don’t know who they are. Use these signs to find out who is really working for the weekend.
If you want to find out more about interesting things that go on in The Villages, Florida, you can read the book Leisureville: Adventures in a World Without Children
Addendum: Due to feedback from readers, two more signs of swingers are those big metal stars people put on their house and Adirondack chairs. Contributor credit to V. Donovan of www.coolbeans4.wordpress.com , go check out her awesome blog.
Have a great week! ~Phil
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