Tag Archives: cell phone humor

Throwback Thursdays! P.T. Phone Home

(Nov. 8, 2014) Funny thing; I just discovered that my texting device has an app to make phone calls too. Isn’t modern technology great? What will they think of next?

You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff…oh yeah. It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough. You’re gonna have to face it. You’re addicted to”  your phone?

cellphone-love-e1293840717768

I got a new phone this week. I admit it, I’m a phone addict. The first step is admitting you’re powerless over your phone. I think as a society we’re addicted to our phones. For some it may be the constant contact with family and friends, for others it’s the constant access to information, some people never want to be out of touch with their job, and some just like goofy little games.

Cell phone addiction is a problem though. It distracts us from our jobs, our driving and our loved ones when they’re sitting right in front of us. So how do we cure our phone addiction? You get yourself a NoPhone!

photo-main

According to the campaign on Kickstarter, “Phone addiction is real. And it’s everywhere. It’s ruining your dates. It’s distracting you at concerts. It’s disrupting you in movie theaters. It’s clogging up sidewalks. Now, there is a real solution. With a thin, light and completely wireless design, the NoPhone acts as a surrogate to any smart mobile device, enabling you to always have a rectangle of smooth, cold plastic to clutch without forgoing any potential engagement with your direct environment. Never again experience the unsettling feeling of flesh on flesh when closing your hand.” The feeling of “flesh on flesh when closing your hand”? Isn’t that what you get when you hold hands with someone? Ugh (shudders) who wouldn’t want to avoid that?

I was going to come up with a list of other hilarious placebo products for a variety of addictions when I realized that it’s already been done. The NoPhone idea isn’t crazy, it’s brilliant! Think about it, for smokers there’s the e-cigarettes, for diabetics, technically not an addiction, there’s all kinds of sugar-free treats, for sex addicts there’s plenty of …ahem…devices and dolls. I don’t think alcoholics should have non-alcoholic beer, but hey, it’s out there too.  For the cleaning/germ-o-phobe addicts, send them to my house! Our society is full of placebos and surrogates for our vices. What’s that saying? Fake it till you make it! Here’s my million dollar idea; my Kickstarter campaign kicks off next week. Why not put a big, black box in someones living room to cure them of television addiction? With all the flat screen TV’s now, I think you could just paint a black rectangle on their wall.

In all honesty, this post was just an excuse for the E.T. picture at the top. If you haven’t yet, please vote for my book cover in the AllAuthor.com Cover of the Month Contest by clicking THIS LINK. The cover that’s in 1st place right now is laughably bad, and yet it got about 100 votes yesterday to move from 3rd to 1st. They can’t possibly have better blog friends than I do, can they? I didn’t think that was possible. You’d better go show them how wrong they are!

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursdays! Cell Phone People (5/15/2005)

This was one of my earliest Phil Factor posts and became a recurrent theme when my blog was hosted on Blogger. Keep in mind that this post is NINE years old and smart phones didn’t exist yet when I wrote this.

btooth2ll4

(May 5, 2005)  Yes, we all have cell phones, but some people use them differently than others. There are those of us who have our cell phones and use them occasionally if we are going to be away from a land line for a while. That’s fine with me. Then there are those who use their cell phones as if they’re on some organ donor transplant recipient list and every call could save their lives. But of course these dolts are never on a transplant list. They also seem to think that because they’re on the phone no one but the person they’re talking with can hear them. And apparently the person on the other side of their phone call is always deaf because the cell phone people are always talking really loudly. Usually their conversations involve the trials and tribulations of their trivial little lives. “So then he tells me that he can’t go to my cousins wedding with me because he already made plans with his friend. You know what the plans are? I found out from his friends’ sisters’ roommate that they’re taking Carl to a strip club in Canada for his birthday.”

I especially hate the cell phone people who are on their cell phones at work. They’re walking around a building in which they have an office with a desk with a real phone right there. What the hell is so important that you can’t wait until you’ve walked to the other end of the hall to make that call? Or how about when you’re in line at a store and the cashier is on the phone with her friend? I always make sure to ask some inane question just to interrupt. How about the people who walk around all day with the hands free headset on whether they’re actually on a call or not. Look, unless you’re a pilot, an air traffic controller or the kid at the McDonald’s drive thru window there is no freakin’ reason you need to be wearing a headset. Take it off. We’re not impressed. There is nothing in your life that important and everyone else already knows it.

To all you cell phone people I would just like to say that I hope the rumors of cell phone caused brain tumors are true. I’d love to see an MRI of one of these dopes heads. It would be hysterical to see a cell phone shaped tumor right there wouldn’t it?

Starting next week I’m going to post more recent throwbacks, from my last 12 months on Thursdays since I’ve been on WordPress. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil