Tag Archives: lying humor

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Lies Ever

10. Sure you can pet him. He’s friendly. He’s never bitten anyone in his life! ~every dog owner ever, right before their dog bites you.

9. Hold still. This will only hurt a little bit. ~doctors, dentists, and…

8. I don’t need a list. I’ll remember! ~husbands, right before they forget everything on your list.

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7. No. I’m not mad. ~women who are obviously mad.

6. It’s OK. I have plenty of time! ~all of us, when we definitely don’t have enough time.

5. I’ll write a blog and become famous! ~me, lying to myself every damn day

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4. Does that dress make you look fat? No, it’s your hips that make you look fat! ~very stupid men.

3. LOL! ~all of us using the internet to lie to our friends because they can’t actually see that we’re not LOL’ing.

2. Gray hair makes you look distinguished. ~all women lying to all men. (If that were true, why don’t women ever want to look distinguished?)

1. I think your “love handles” are cute. ~couples who have both given up and are sitting on the couch in their elastic-waisted sweat pants watching Netflix and eating Cheetos. 

So what other lies do you tell on a regular basis? Or which ones do you hear most often? Feel free add yours in the comments. Or if you don’t want to just click like without reading at all. I love that. (me lying to you.) Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil