Tag Archives: Top Ten Tuesday

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Petty Things I Would Do With Time Travel

To celebrate the release of my new suspense, time travel novel earlier this month, I thought I’d share some of the things I’d do if I could time travel. In the comments, tell me what you’d do if you could time travel!

Dr. Who flies about the universe saving entire civilizations, but what if someone petty and small like you and me decided to time travel? C’mon, you know that you’ve thought about what you would do. If not, here are some suggestions:

10. If I’m ordering a pizza that I want there in 30 minutes or less, I’d always get the less.

Picture credit: business.time.com

Picture credit: business.time.com

9. My 12th grade world history paper on Charles de Gaulle would have an actual first person interview. B+ my ass Mr. Hampton!

8. How about relationship do-overs? This is one we’ve all thought about. Avoid the bad ones, save the good ones you screwed up.

7. Gambling! Holy cow! Can you imagine how much money we could make if we just went back and gave our past selves future winners?

6. The stock market: This is proof that there really is no time travel yet. I’m sure Future Me would have told Past Me to invest in Apple about twenty years ago.

5. Ice Ice Baby: If a talentless hack like Vanilla Ice, aka Robbie Van Winkle, could make it big, imagine how great that song would be if I had done it.

Picture credit: newyorkpost.com

Picture credit: newyorkpost.com

4. On December 7th, 1980, although I was just a kid,  I would have hopped a bus to New York City, stayed overnight and then stopped John Lennon in the lobby of his apartment building for an autograph, the world’s first selfie, and a chat lasting an inordinate amount of time.

3. Have you ever walked out of a bad movie and said, “That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.” Not anymore. You can wipe The Love Guru from your viewing resume and get those two hours back.

2. Who hasn’t gone to work, looked out the window and said to yourself, “On a day this beautiful I should be at the beach?”

1. Like sleeping in? Time travel is the ultimate snooze button. Wake up, go back two hours, lather, rinse, repeat.

In the comments, what are some of the things you would do if you could time travel? If you enjoy the idea of what you’d do with time travel,  please consider trying my novel Time To Lie, now available on Amazon in e-book or paperback! If you don’t, I’ll go back in time and make sure that you do. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Lies Ever

10. Sure you can pet him. He’s friendly. He’s never bitten anyone in his life! ~every dog owner ever, right before their dog bites you.

9. Hold still. This will only hurt a little bit. ~doctors, dentists, and…

8. I don’t need a list. I’ll remember! ~husbands, right before they forget everything on your list.

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7. No. I’m not mad. ~women who are obviously mad.

6. It’s OK. I have plenty of time! ~all of us, when we definitely don’t have enough time.

5. I’ll write a blog and become famous! ~me, lying to myself every damn day

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4. Does that dress make you look fat? No, it’s your hips that make you look fat! ~very stupid men.

3. LOL! ~all of us using the internet to lie to our friends because they can’t actually see that we’re not LOL’ing.

2. Gray hair makes you look distinguished. ~all women lying to all men. (If that were true, why don’t women ever want to look distinguished?)

1. I think your “love handles” are cute. ~couples who have both given up and are sitting on the couch in their elastic-waisted sweat pants watching Netflix and eating Cheetos. 

So what other lies do you tell on a regular basis? Or which ones do you hear most often? Feel free add yours in the comments. Or if you don’t want to just click like without reading at all. I love that. (me lying to you.) Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

 

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Laws I’d Make If I Were President

In the immortal words of Billy Blazejowski, “I’m an idea man Chuck.” In many of my posts I’ve used my now familiar phrase, “When I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first…”  In an effort to further my candidacy for both of those positions, I have compiled, ten of the laws that have followed the phrase “When I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first…” These laws will henceforth be known as The Phil Laws.

1. No more Leap Year extra day. Make all months exactly the same length.
2. No more Daylight Savings Time or British Summer Time.
3. Pregnant women should not tell their male co-workers how dilated they are.


4. Hurricane names must be something scary, not just a normal name. Who’s going to flee something like Hurricane Ed? I believe that far less people would have perished if Hurricane Katrina had been named Hurricane Deathtron. You flee a storm named Deathtron. No one was scared by Katrina.


5. The only place you can be nude in your local gym locker room is in the shower. The rest of the time, wear a towel.
6. Funerals should include drinking and entertainment.
7. A ten-year ban on reality shows.

8. All public bathroom stalls will be as big as the handicapped stalls.
9. No saying “See you next year” on Dec. 31st. It will be legal to punch offenders in the forehead.
10. No more writing paper checks. Get yourself a debit card and stop holding up the lines at the supermarket.

What laws would you make if you were President?  Also, did anyone get the Billy Blazejowski reference? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Things Someone Should Invent

Sure Amazon delivery drones seem like an awesome idea, but if it’s so great, why hasn’t it been rolled out for public consumption like another iPhone? Give up the flying car idea. Let’s face it, most of us shouldn’t be allowed to drive on the ground. Here are some other things I think someone should invent:

10. Remote house unlock: I can’t tell you how many times I get out of my car and point the car unlock remote at myhouse door expecting it to unlock it like it does my car.

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9. Invisible Fencing, but for kids: The people that don’t like this idea are probably also opposed to putting kids on a leash. Without a leash my parents would have lost me. I’d get curious at a store and wander off. Without a leash I’d probably have been kidnapped. If spanking is legal so should a little electricity be. If dogs can learn it, kids will learn it twice as fast.

8. A drug to increase metabolism so nobody gets fat. Any objections?

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7. A pet language translator: I think this is the big one on the list. Maybe we wear something in our ear that translates what animals are saying or they wear a voicebox on their collar that translates their noises. Chances are we’d realize that our pets are idiots, but it would still be very popular.

6. The self-driving car: I know Google is working on it. This one’s the dream isn’t it? It is for me. Just like going somewhere in a plane. I just want to put my destination in the GPS and take a nap. Somehow NASA manages to send unmanned satellites all over the galaxy but we can’t get cars that work the same way. I say we pull NASA’s funding and put it towards the self-driving car. I want to get to Pittsburgh easy, not Uranus.

5. The Home Dome: I live where it’s cold and it snows. I want a dome over my property so I never have to shovel or scrape ice off my car.

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4. A mind reading device: If we could all read each others thoughts we’d all be a whole lot nicer to each other wouldn’t we?

3. Airborne charging: The same way our cell phones and satellite dishes get a signal through the air, why can’t we get an electric charge from the air? Maybe solar charging for electric devices? Sure we’ll all get brain tumors from all the signals and electricity, but what the hell?

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2. A cure for cancer: I am really angry about cancer. Also, as I said in number 3, with all the satellite and wi-fi signals flying through the air, and our heads, I’m pretty sure we’re all developing brain tumors and we’re going to need a cure big time in a few years.

1. Your idea: I’m not a genius and I definitely never have all the answers. I’m sure that some time you’ve thought to yourself that you had a great idea for an invention. In the comments, what’s your big idea? What do you think should be invented?

Right now I’m wishing someone had already invented a Top Ten list idea generator. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil 

The Results from Last Weeks Friday Poll!

Last week I asked you, my readers, to decide the fate of my Top Ten Tuesdays. And the results are in! Drum roll please…..The winner is “Allow other bloggers to do guest posts.” So if you’re interested in doing a guest post on #ThePhilFactor about anything you want send me an email, or reply in the comments. You can promote your own blog, your new book, or just tell a funny story. Tuesdays first guest blogger has already been chosen, but I’ll keep it a secret until the big reveal. Have a great Friday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Amish TV Shows There Should Be

Who are we kidding? We know we all love the Amish. If there were an Amish TV channel we’d binge watch all of the shows on Netflix. Here are ten shows that would be killer in the Amish Nielsen ratings.

10. House of Cardboard: Inept Jebediah Gruber keeps building his house out of cardboard and the strong wind off the plains keeps blowing it over. Each week his clumsy friends Levi, Amos, and Paul come over to rebuild while the women-folk churn butter and gossip. Hijinks ensue.

9. Breaking Bad Wind: Miriam Fisher is lactose intolerant but ironically lives on a dairy farm. Her frequent flatulence wreaks havoc on her dating life.

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8. Downtown Abbey: Young Abbey Stoltzfus has known nothing but the Amish farm life. She has heard tales of the big city from tourists who frequent the family farm stand and she yearns to see more and be more, believing that her future lies in the city that never sleeps. How will she achieve her dreams against her parents wishes?

7. CSI Lancaster: Lancaster, Pennslyvania; the epicenter of Amish culture is an attraction for tourists, but it’s also an attraction for murder. Pastor King is found with a pitchfork through his chest and his crucifix missing. Detective Jacob usually handles hog theft. Is he in over his black bearded head with this mystery?

6. Amish Idol: Best yodeler wins the right to marry the woman of their choice. It’s really only one episode, live from the Raber family barn. 20 minutes tops.

discoverychannel.com

discoverychannel.com

5. 16 and Pregnant: Josephine’s sixteen year old prize winning cow surprises everyone by becoming pregnant. But who is the father? Could it be the Yoder’s bull or perhaps a strange bull who got loose when the gypsy travelers passed through town?

4. The Working Dead: Jethro attempts to fake his own death to get out of building “one more frickin’ barn that we don’t need.” Will the community laugh it off or will Jethro’s lazy ways finally get him shunned?

3. A Mennonite Gladiator: The pacifist Amish are enthralled and confused by a bearded man in a sequined cape who attempts to pick fights with everyone in town.

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2. Dr. Who? One Amish communities resistance to modern medical care results in an epidemic of chlamydia, foot in mouth disease, and ringworm. Will they give in and accept help or suffer until they’re extinct?

1. Game of Phones: Eli and Samuel buy cell phones from some tourists and discover the joys of sexting. As the only two Amish with cell phones, they don’t realize that it’s each others “barns” they’re raising. Hijinks and a surprisingly sensitive exploration of sexuality ensue. (Rated MA for mature content)

So what would be your suggestions for TV shows the Amish would enjoy? Also, from the results of last weeks poll it looks like there are a whole bunch of bloggers who would like to do guest posts on #ThePhilFactor. If you’re one of them e-mail me or say so in the comments and we’ll get started. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Weird “Facts” About Australia

From Twitter @weareAustralia

I was perusing my stats for the year and I discovered that despite ranking 119th in population by country, Norway was visiting my blog more often than #Australia, which ranks 53rd. I do love my friends from the wonderful snowy country of Norway as I’ve written about them before but the grass is always greener on the other side, right? On the other side of the world from Norway is Australia, a completely odd country in it’s own right and I want more of those weirdos visiting my blog so I decided I’d try to provoke a reaction by writing about them. Here are ten possibly true “facts” about Australia.

10. Some people in Australia raise their children in kangaroo-like pouches: A new strap on prosthetic pouch is often worn by mother’s, and sometimes fathers, to simulate the physical closeness, warmth and bonding seen among kangaroos and their offspring.

9. Australia is full of a lot of weird wildlife, including camels: Camels? In Australia? Aren’t they from the Middle East? Saudi Arabia imports camels from Australia.

8. The water swirling in a toilet in Australia goes counter-clockwise: That’s the opposite of all the toilets in the northern hemisphere.

7. Despite inventing the boomerang, Australians only finished 3rd in it at the most recent Olympics.

6. The band Men at Work was so popular that two of the members have been knighted and one is currently the acting Prime Minister.

5. The city of Melbourne was originally called Batmania.

4. Australia is the largest peninsula in the world.

3. Kangaroos can’t jump or walk backwards: Because of this they are easy to sneak up on and Australians frequently startle kangaroos and run away.

2. Although English is spoken predominantly, there is a native Australian language, kukuku, that most Australians speak at home.

1. Australia once declared war on England: Australia was originally an English colony and in 1871 they declared war on England to gain their independence as a sovereign nation. England calculated the time an effort to actually go to Australia to fight the war and they just said, “Feck it, you can go.” That was the actual newspaper headline.

Some of these facts are true, some are partially true and some are completely made up. Can you tell the difference? If any of you reading this are from the land down under, I’d love to hear from you. Have a great Tuesday, or Wednesday if you’re in Australia. ~Phil