Dear Women, We Are Not Them

Dear Women,

I’m writing this letter to all of you on behalf of the large majority of men in the world. Is it arrogant to presume that I should speak for so many? Of course it is. I’m a man, would you expect anything less? Normally when I do something like this I run it by the other guys at the Man Meeting, but the meeting isn’t until next week and I didn’t want to wait another minute to say this.

Regardless of my unjustified hubris, I will attempt to say something meaningful to you during a terrible and wonderful time in our history. Over the past several years and in particular the last several months, we’ve learned that several men in positions of power or fame have used their status to commit crimes of sexual aggression against many.

What I am saying to you on behalf of 99% of the men on this planet is this: We are not them. 

Us, all the other men, are as horrified by the behavior of these men as you are. We applaud the courage of the women and men who have come forward to put an end to the heinous behavior of these despicable predators. As I said, it is a terrible and wonderful time. It is terrible to learn that there are still men who behave as these hateful criminals have. It is also wonderful that so many women and men are shining a light on the dirty little corners in which these vermin have hidden for so long. We are not them.

As a man, I am embarrassed and mortified that there are some of my gender who believe there is nothing wrong with that sort of behavior. As a man, I am also concerned that women will generalize their fears and feelings about these reprehensible human beings to others of the same gender. We are not them. 

Today, November 11th, Veteran’s Day is a day set aside to honor United States veterans and victims of war. Over the course of history, most military veterans are of the male persuasion. Women of Earth, in spite of the recent revealing of the hateful crimes of a few, please think of the millions of men of the armed forces, of law enforcement,  of firefighters and other emergency services, and of medical providers who have sacrificed so much to protect so many.  As men, that is how we want you to think of us. Not that you need us to protect you, but because we want to. We are not them. 

Sincerely, Men

Sorry to deviate from my usual humorous Saturday post. I find it just sickening every time I hear another one of these stories in the news. Hopefully this piece conveys the beliefs of most men and reassures women that we’re all not evil scum. As long as I’ve got your attention, I’m still trying to finish in the top 3 of the AllAuthor.com cover contest. If you have a minute, would you mind clicking THIS LINK and give me a vote to get me to the next round if you haven’t done so yet? Thanks!

Have a great Saturday and thank you to any and all veterans out there, including my brother and father, who may read this. ~Phil

 

If You Haven’t Voted Yet, I Need Your Help!

My book cover for Time To Lie has been nominated for Cover of The Month on the website AllAuthor.com. There is weekly voting. My book has made it into the top ten in voting so far, but I’m still about 200 votes behind the leader and need to qualify for the next round.  If you haven’t voted yet, I’d love your support. It’s the quickest, easiest online voting thing I’ve ever seen. You don’t have to sign up for the website or login to Facebook, or give away your e-mail address. None of that. Just click THIS LINK and below the picture of my cover just click the orange VOTE bar.

What’s in it for you? 1) You can download three free sample chapters to see if you’d really like my book before buying. 2) You discover a new website with thousands of books you’ve never heard of that just might be your next favorite read. 3) My eternal gratitude and more of my idiotic comments on your blog posts. 4) If you want to go quid pro quo, I’d be happy to have you as a guest blogger, promote your book or re-blog a particular post that you want more exposure for.

What’s in it for me? If I win I get a membership to the website. If I finish 2nd or 3rd, my book will be featured on the website for a month. If you’re feeling like you’ve got 10 seconds to spare today, just CLICK THIS LINK and vote. Thank you so much!

Don’t worry, I’m not going into “every blog post promotes my book” mode, I just want to win this contest. Tomorrow I promise to write something possibly funny. Have a great Friday! ~Phil

TBT! The Afterlife To-Do List

(01/17/16) Yesterday I wrote that it’s disconcerting to see so many people possibly more famous and probably wealthier than me, pass away and it has made me realize that it’s possible I may not be able to avoid death.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have no plans to die, but as I get older I like to hedge my bets a little. Hell, if Steve Jobs FitBit didn’t help him avoid death, what chance do I have? That’s right all you FitBit nuts, the Grim Reaper is coming for you no matter how many steps you take today.

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That’s my favorite Grim Reaper. He’s from a cartoon my kids watched. I thought he was particularly funny because he had a Jamaican accent. That’s the first item on my After-Life To Do List: If I’m going to allow myself to be escorted to the other realm it’s got to be him, that Jamaican Grim Reaper. It’s impossible to stay mad at anyone with a Jamaican accent. C’mon man. It will be alright. Let me show you around. Being dead ain’t no big ting… If it’s not him, I’m not going.

Prior to my death, and possibly as soon as this week, I’m going to choose my house to haunt. Who says that you have to haunt your own house? What’s to stop me from haunting the Big Brother house? There’s always people home, so I’d never be bored. I could participate by doing ghosty kind of stuff. How great would Big Brother be if the ten dolts were locked up in a haunted house for three months? And how about if the ghost gets to choose who leaves the house each week by making some mysterious sign, like a mark on a chalkboard or something? I’m totally going to pitch this idea to the producers. I’m putting it in my will just in case I don’t get the contract signed before I pass.

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List of people to haunt: I’m making this list and including in my will that invites be sent out to my funeral. Only the date of the funeral will have to be filled in.  I’m pre-signing the invites now  with the phrase “See YOU soon!” How creepy would it be to get one of those? Also, at my funeral I want every one there to stand up and read their favorite Phil Factor aloud.

Choose My After-Life Occupation: If I have eternity ahead of me, I don’t want to retire yet. Sitting around playing checkers with the old guys at McDonald’s in the afterlife sounds boring. In the after-life I’m going to be a real estate agent helping the recently deceased find the home of their dreams to haunt.

Me: This lovely colonial on a cul-de-sac has five of the living, four bedrooms and two and a half baths..

Recently Deceased: What about pets? I hate pets. Dogs always barking at me. Cats getting spooked when I’m trying to stand quietly in the corner watching TV. They can see us you know.

Me: So are pets a deal breaker for you?

Recently deceased: What about Jennifer Lopez? I’d love to haunt Jennifer Lopez.

Me: Oh, I’m sorry. Her house just went off the market last month. How about Justin Bieber?

Recently Deceased: Ugh. No thanks.

Phil found his time as a ghost comedian to be both odd and confusing.

Phil found his time as a ghost comedian to be both odd and confusing.

After-Life Hobbies: I never want to be all work and no play, so I’m going to be an amateur stand-up comedian in my spare time. Spare time? I’m dead. All my time is spare! See? I’m writing jokes for the after-life already. Man, I am gonna brighten that place up.

Blogging: Yup, I’m going to continue. I’ve been doing this blog for almost 11 years. Why should I let death stop me? I’ve pre-written an extra post a week for the last ten years and scheduled them to be released on a regular schedule after my transition to the after-life, Heck, I could be dead already and you wouldn’t know! Why else would I be writing about death?

So, as you can see, there’s lots to do in the after-life, and I don’t want to show up unprepared. What do you want to do after you die?

(This paragraph isn’t part of the throwback) Also, before you transition to the great beyond, would you mind clicking THIS LINK and voting for my Time To Lie book cover in the AllAuthor.com Cover of the Month contest? You click the link and hit vote. That’s it. No logging in, handing over your email or Facebook nonsense. If you’ve voted before, you can vote again each day. Thanks, I’d really appreciate your help.

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

 

Another Great Review for Time To Lie!

This is a review on Goodreads.com from a complete stranger who listened to the audiobook that somehow he got for free from a website that I’ve never heard of.

I am so glad I got the chance to listen to this one. A cheeky mix of a coming of age story for a young man, a guide to time travel and college parties. A very cool listen. If you are like me and loved Karate Kid then this story will make you laugh and definitely keep your attention for a few hours. The characters are very likable and you learn to like them more and more as the story goes on. There are so many pop culture and science fiction references/ shout outs sprinkled throughout this book that it gives it a kind of authenticity. With all the different timelines intermingled it lends a sort of confusion that is not confusing at all but gives this time travel tale a little something different. The main character’s sarcasm is so cheeky and fun that you cannot help but laugh at him, in a geeky way. If you are anything like me then you will love listening to the main character geek out in the college dorms and navigate his way through his freshman year. The narrator does a phenomenal job with this entire story, but especially the sarcasm. Each character has their own unique sound it gives them personality. There were scenes that you could really hear the urgency and tension in the narrator’s voice. What a great listen and I cannot wait for this series to be continued. I was provided a free copy of this audiobook in exchange for a honest review via Audiobook Boom. This is no way affected my opinion of this work.

There you have it. That’s a pretty great summary and endorsement. On Goodreads my book now has an average rating of 4.6 out of 5.0. If you want a fun read, give it a try (here on Amazon)  and if you really want to make my day today, go vote for my books cover in the AllAuthor.com book cover contest. I’m currently in 13th place and desperately need votes. You can vote without logging in or giving your e-mail! Have a great afternoon! ~Phil

Wordless Wednesday! Sunset on The Gulf and a Thanks To You

This is where I was for four days last week and I came home to cold and light snow.

Also, thanks to everyone’s generosity in voting for my book cover in the AllAuthor.com book cover contest, I have moved on to the second round of voting! Yes, it’s not done yet, and I’m in 13th place, about 200 votes behind the leader. If you have a moment, would you mind clicking this link and voting for my cover? Thanks so much. Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Be A Phil-anthropist: Help Me Win Something!

If you liked the cover of my book,
Time to Lie (or even if you didn’t), please vote for it for the Cover of the Month contest on AllAuthor.com! Just click the little link at the bottom right of this cover picture. Thanks!


Clik to Vote!

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Ideas For Top Ten Lists

10. The Top Ten Rashes Shaped Like Presidents

9. The Ten Most Horrific Diseases You Didn’t Know About

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8. Ten Ways Your Pets Might Kill You

7. The Ten Worst Ideas for Top Ten Lists

6. Ten Ways To Tell If Your Spouse Doesn’t Love You

5. The Ten Most Painful Things That Could Happen To You

4. Ten Reasons You’ll Never Really Find Happiness

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3. The Ten Most Unusual Bowel Movements Ever 

2. Ten Ways Your Children Will Disappoint You

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1. Ten Things Living Inside Your Body Right Now

So who wants me to actually look up and create lists for all of these? And which one would be the absolute worst for you to read? Or do you have another suggestion for the list? Have a great Tuesday everyone! ~Phil