I know I usually do my best, hopefully funniest, post on Saturday mornings and my Throwback Thursday post on, obviously, Thursdays. This week I switched it up because of my need to get my annual Sexiest Man Alive post out on Thursday when the People magazine issue hit the newstands. I do this because I have this crazy idea that somewhere out there at least one person likes my blog so much that they’ve followed me for years and would wake up on Thursday, see the Sexiest Man Alive announcement and say to themselves, “I must go to the internet to see what Phil has to say about this years Sexiest Man Alive!” If you are that one person, please leave me a comment and spell your name correctly and in it’s entirety so they can get it right on the restraining order.
If you’re new to The Phil Factor, my weekly Throwback Thursday post is a post from one year ago so you can see what I was making fun of then, and so I can get some ego-gratifying page views without having to write some thing new. If you are new, just know that I don’t usually do a lengthy intro like this for every post. I’m just explaining the change of schedule for the slower, more anxious people that are easily jarred by the unexpected. I know that’s not you of course. It’s the others.
Throwback Thursdays! Two Odd and Humorous Stories from the News
(11/23/2013) It’s a nice day for a white wedding, or is it? Chicks dig the bad boys right? In a Rolling Stone interview a twenty-five year old woman named Star, who has been visiting imprisoned murderous cult leader Charles Manson for the last six years, announced that she and Chuck are betrothed. Personally I’m glad they took their time and didn’t rush into anything.
In lieu of an engagement ring the woman carved an X into her forehead to match Charlie’s swastika. Hmmm…she didn’t go full swastika? That says ‘lack of commitment’ to me. I’d better warn Charlie that she isn’t all in with this relationship. Of course, Charlie might not be either. When asked to confirm her claim of engagement Manson replied, “Oh that. That’s a bunch of garbage. You know that, man. That’s trash. We’re just playing that up for public consumption.” In other words, Charlie said, “Bitches be crazy.” (this post is specifically relevant because this week it was announced that after a year engagement those two crazy kids finally tied the knot)
Next of Kin: A forty-five year old pilot in his single engine plane crashed at the Nashville airport on October 29th. Ok, that will happen occasionally. It’s tragic and sad for the pilot and his family. It’s especially sad for his family since he didn’t name them next of kin on his paperwork. Nope, he named Taylor Swift as his next of kin.
No, he wasn’t related to Taylor and had never met her. In response to this news Taylor may have said, “Dudes be crazy.” Or possibly, “No, I never dated him, but I’m sure I would have gotten to him eventually.
I don’t know if this guy was a crazy stalker or just had a sense of humor. I’m hoping it’s the latter. If I ever make a will or have to fill out life insurance paperwork, from now on I’m just going to pick some random celebrity out of a hat and name them as my next of kin and secondary beneficiary on my life insurance. That would spice up the funeral wouldn’t it? “Pssst! Hey, is that Kanye West looking at Phil’s coffin? Oh look on the program! He’s giving the eulogy. Wait, why is Taylor Swift with him? Are they together?”
On a related note: Remind me not to fly into the Nashville airport. The pilot who crashed had circled the airport for more than two hours without being noticed and his plane sat on the runway on fire for seven hours before anyone found it.
This was a little bit different of a Phil Factor, but I did do real Phil Factors on both Tuesday and Thursday of this week, so if you want some real laughs click these for my Top Ten Tuesday post and my Sexiest Man Alive post. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor it would be great if you hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below. Have a great weekend!
I’ve heard the pickin’s are slim for eligible single men……..but hasn’t she heard of Christian Mingle?
Maybe that’s where she found Charles!
Oh my…”Bitches be Crazy” summed this post up completely. I bet Taylor is kicking herself for not moving in on Charlie sooner. What a record that relationship could spawn. (Also I’m sure the Anti-Christ would have to involved somehow as well). …why aren’t more people following you. You are flipping hilarious Phil.
LOL, thanks! Why aren’t more people following me? I wish I knew. But I’m glad you are!
How awful must single people feel this holiday season to know that even Charles Manson found love.
I didn’t know the issue had arrived
Announcing Sexiest Man Alive
I guess I’m kind of in a fog
Since I only read Phil Taylor’s blog
A happy marriage for Manson, I hope
Would you like to go halfsies on a gravy boat?
Count me in on the gravy boat!
We can all be grateful that Charlie is not allowed conjugal visits and thus we are spared future little Charlies.
Amen to that!