My pop culture moratorium is when I declare certain pop culture topics off limits for discussion for a calendar year. These are topics or celebrities that I believe not only I, but everyone is sick of hearing about. January is as good a time as any.
10. Taylor Swift: Look, I know we all like Taylor’s music and she seems nice enough on the awards shows, but holy cripes, enough already. I am banning any media outlets from mentioning Taylor Swift. I don’t want her music on the radio and I don’t want her to come out with any new albums. Enough is enough Taylor.
9. Ebola: Hey, remember the bird flu, the swine flu, and well…I don’t know, that other disease we all got in a brief panic about and now you never hear about it? Yeah, me neither. The whole world freaked out about Ebola. Enough already. The common cold kills more people than Ebola every year. I don’t want to hear the world Ebola unless it’s cured or used as the name of a punk band.
8. Frozen: I am so sick of this movie. I’ve never seen it and I don’t know the songs and I never want to, unless Taylor Swift sings them.
7. iPhone: Ok, it’s a nice phone. So are a lot of others that work well and aren’t made by Apple, but nobody is sleeping out on a sidewalk to get in line for them. Jeez, just calm down. It’s a device that locks you into to paying a cellular carrier way too much money for way too long. I don’t care if the next iPhone can juggle and make me dinner. I don’t want to hear about your new iPhone.
6. Black Boxes: If these damn boxes are so hard to find, why not make them another color that’s easier to see in the water. And why are they so hard to find? If a satellite in orbit twenty kilometers above the Earth can locate my car why can’t anybody ever find a whole freakin’ plane? I’ve got an idea! How about if someone plugged in a Garmin GPS on every plane?
5. Kardashian: In ten years, this is my third Pop Culture Moratorium list. The word Kardashian has been on the list every time. I have Kardashian fatigue. I’m suffering from PTKD: Post-Traumatic Kardashian Disorder.
4. The Royals: Will, Kate and even little George Alexander Louis (GAL). They can all go. I like England as much as anybody, but can anyone tell me anything that any of those three have contributed to the betterment of society? Yes, I know Kate is pregnant. Unless I got her pregnant I don’t want to hear about it.
3. Reality Television shows: I have a novel idea! How about a reality show where they show television writers trying to come up with new ideas for shows that have an actual story line and intelligent dialogue?
2. Conchita Wurst: To be honest, I had no idea who he/she was until today when I searched for most searched topics. No matter what list it was Conchita Wurst was on it. I have a short attention span. I’m already tired of her/him and you should be too.
1. The Year in Review: Here’s the key and genius part of this: because my pop culture moratorium proclamation begins today, next December we won’t have to see all those ridiculous “year in review” pieces that clog up every kind of media for a month. I know what happened over the past year! I don’t need Oprah to have a special to remind me!
So what do you think should be on the pop culture moratorium list?
Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil