Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Signs Your Wife is Cheating With an Amish Guy

10. She’s never secretly texting in the bathroom.

9. She buys lots of new flannel lingerie

Harrison Ford in the movie Witness

Harrison Ford in the movie Witness

8. Suddenly begins going to nighttime barn raisings with “the girls.”

7. Comes home with straw in her hair.


6. She suddenly has this new “butter churn” move in the bedroom.

5. Buys a loom

4. Seems oddly aroused when she sees horses on television.


3. She receives an actual handwritten letter in the mail which you are unable to read because it’s in cursive.

2. Announces that she’s going to the Amish pub to participate in a wet bonnet contest.

1. Gets a tattoo of an Amish hat with the caption “Once you go black you never go back”

You would not believe some of the creepy terms I had to put into Google to find the pictures and get ideas for this. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday everyone! ~Phil

23 responses to “Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Signs Your Wife is Cheating With an Amish Guy

  1. Very good, as always.

    I may have made a bad life decision. I plan to read your 50 Shades of Phil on the long haul between Hong Kong and Zurich. I wonder if they can chuck me off a moving plane for laughing too much? Time will tell.

  2. It’s 6:30am here. I’m sitting in bed reading this, and almost peed myself at the first “texting” one.

    (I’m sure you’d secretly be happier had the humor achieved Full Splashdown, but be satisfied that it came THIS close.)

  3. Number 5 wouldn’t arose any suspicion in my house. 🙂

  4. I don’t know what your insinuating
    there’s been no extramarital dating
    Although if I’m being honest
    I have a weakness for those Amish
    Don’t know why but I think that
    It’s all about those big black hats.

  5. Flannel lingerie and wet bonnets, what’s so odd about that???

  6. Favorite bit: the butter churn move. I mean look how happy Harrison Ford looks.

  7. Bad scene tripping over that butter churn in the dark

  8. My husband and I couldnt stop laughing! We really enjoyed this post. Thanks, Phil!

  9. I used to have the hots for Harrison Ford and loved lusting over him in this movie. Bonus was hubs and I could watch it together because Kelly McGillis is his type. My Amish fantasy died when HF looked as if he got his hair cut with a knife and fork in ‘Seven Days’ or whatever that woeful movie was called.
    Sponging yourself down in a basin of water is another good sign apparently. So I’ve heard. *living the fantasy* 🙂

  10. Ooh, I didn’t know that. I don’t know that’ll be enough to put him off. I quite fancied her myself! That’ll be the Amish effect. Top Gun did nothing for me. 🙂

  11. Pingback: Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Funniest Top Ten Lists Ever | The Phil Factor

  12. Pingback: Blogger Award Nominations Close Tomorrow: Do I Get A Nomination? | The Phil Factor

Leave a Reply