Dumb and …uhh…What’s That Other Word?


I like to think I’m a relatively smart person. Of course I like to think a lot of things about myself which aren’t true, but that’s a topic for another post. (Coming soon to a blog near you, Top Ten Lies I Tell Myself!) If you’re reading this, you’re obviously a very smart person too. (Top Ten Lies I Tell My Readers) Let’s, for a moment, be honest with ourselves. It’s impossible to know everything about everything, right? So sometimes all of us geniuses feel dumb in certain situations. Some more than others of course, but there’s no need to raise your hand right now. If you’re an adult with children and they can make your cell phone do technological cartwheels while you can barely figure out how to text without accidentally calling 911 then you know what I mean.

Admittedly, I had one of those situations where I felt dumb the other night. I know, I know, after putting me up on the pedestal that you have, it must be very upsetting for you to hear this about me. I had to call the cable company for technical support and the conversation went like this:

Me: Hi, umm,..I tried to turn my TV on but it’s doing that thing where there’s a message on the screen and it won’t turn on. Well, it’s on, but there’s no picture.

Tech Guy: Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?

The I.T. Crowd

The I.T. Crowd

Me: Yes. Same thing. It did this once before and the guy told me what to do and I tried that but it didn’t work.

Tech Guy: Hold on. Let me pull up your account. What’s the last four digits of your social security number, your mothers maiden name, the house number of the street you grew up on. No, not that one, the other one, and what kind of car did your fourth grade teacher drive.

Me: Blah, blah blah (gives information) Wait, was it what color was the house my fourth grade teacher lived in? Blue, no, wait, I think it was purple. Hold on, I’m going to try something. I switched the HDMI input and connected the satellite feed into my VHS player. That should work right?

Tech Guy: Ok, I see your account here. Oh, it’s you Mr. Taylor. Just set the remote down and step away from the television. Nope. Don’t touch it. No, that’s too close. Is there another room you can go to? Just wait there. We’re sending a guy out to your house. I’ll stay on the line with you. Just take deep breaths. It’s all going to be over soon.

Me: There’s just so many cords and wires! Why do there have to be so many? Why?!!? I just plugged the coffee maker into my chromecast. That will work, right? Dammit! Why does there have to be so many?

Tech Guy: Calm down Mr. Taylor, try to breath into a bag. There’s no need for tears. Someone will be there soon. (shouts to someone in the background “What the ETA? We’ve got a Code Zulu Banshee here! Code Zulu Banshee!”

Me: (sobbing) There’s just so many. So many wires. So many buttons. Why does there have to be so many? A man should not have to go through this to watch a few Friends reruns! You know Ross is the unsung hero of that whole show. You know that right? Ross fecking Gellar could figure this out! Why can’t I? You know he was a paleontologist before he was 30. That’s not easy. Neither is this. Wait, I think I’m on to something. What is it? White you’re right, red your dead? So if I switch…

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Tech Guy: Calm down Mr. Taylor. Our guys are at your house. They’re going to come in slowly. Just set the wires and cords down and let them help you. Don’t push any more buttons and this will all be over soon.

Cable company guys rush in and disarm me taking the remote  from my hand. Speaking into a mic on his shoulder “Headquarters, this is Captain Bravo, Tactical Response Team 1.  The scene has been secured. It appears that Mr. Taylor was trying to change channels with his garage door opener. We’ve given him the remote. Situation de-escalated. We’re returning to base.”

So what are the situations you feel stupid in? Do you avoid them? Do you just give up? Do you try to figure them out? The second picture in this post is Chris O’Dowd as Roy from the British sitcom The I.T. Crowd. If you have Netflix, I strongly recommend a weekend binge watch.

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

37 responses to “Dumb and …uhh…What’s That Other Word?

  1. I hate ringing any sort of support helpline. The accounts system help team reduced me to a quaking mess, desperate to get off the line and resort to cash payments and paper log books.
    Questions of philosophy also leave me stumped when aimed at me from my 7-year-old. Damn, why did I encourage her to learn to talk?!

  2. I put you on a pedestal and you just jump off. That’s okay, I’ll just stick you back up there. Rebel.

    Anyway, I am told I am a genius, and then people get confused when I don’t know something they think I should. For example, I am a computers major in college, but whenever I am asked a tech question I can’t answer or (heaven forbid) something go wrong on a website’s end, suddenly I’m a target for bad words, anger, and possibly flying objects. My favorite line is from my brother, who says, “I’m not the one who went to college…” as if college = master of all knowledge, able to fix all troubles, and never wrong.

    He’s in for quite the surprise should he ever decide to go to college.

  3. hahahahahha oooh the horror!

  4. I like dumb movies since they make me laugh. 🙂

  5. I really wish I couldn’t relate to this. I once went 3 days without TV because my husband was out of town and I couldn’t figure out the remote. That’s also a sad commentary on how often I get remote privileges. *sigh*

    • LOL, you know you could always call the cable company. It makes me feel better to tell myself that they probably deal with people far more inept than I am.

      • I haven’t called tech support for a few years … ever since the incredibly embarrassing episode when I thought my brand-new iPad was broken.

        It was turned off.

        Now I refer only to internal tech support – Husband, Son #1, Son #2. If they can’t figure it out , THEY call external tech support.

  6. Okay, I’ve got to break rhyme for this one but this is something that should make you never feel dumb again. So I work in an electrician’s office. One day the air conditioning broke and I’m thinking to myself, ‘okay, why don’t one of these guys take a look at it?’ but they don’t. Instead they get the building to send their electrician out to look at it. So, okay, the building should take care of it, anyway. But here’s the kicker. The building’s electricians fixed it in like 2.3 seconds. How you ask? By unplugging it and then plugging it back in.

    • I don’t feel less dumb. I called my companies I.T. desk once for help with my iPad. They asked me to turn it off and turn it back on again. Fixed it. I felt like an idiot. You should try The I.T. Crowd some time. I think you’d like it.

  7. I am a congenital idiot when it comes to math and technology and, thus, a confirmed Luddite. When I call for tech help with my computer (which happens moment to moment), they send me on a search for wires and buttons and Bigfoot until I’m crazier than ever and,in disgust and desperation on their part, they send a live technician to my home. Perhaps we should fomr a Dumb Club and share our idiocies.

  8. Have you searched the whole house for your cell phone while you are talking on it or tried to call someone with the remote or change channels with your cell phone? If so you are in my league! Lol! ~Elle

  9. You could have written this about me. I can change channels and raise/lower the volume with the remote. That’s about it. Don’t ask me to record anything or set the timer, if you really want to watch that program later. 🙁

  10. Heya, I’ve nominated you for the ‘Lavender Award’! You can find out more details on my latest blog post https://thesophietrophy.wordpress.com/2015/05/24/the-lavender-award/ and you can find out the rules on my sister’s blog https://lipglossandlavender.wordpress.com/2015/05/20/75/ (My sister started the Lavender Award, so please check her blog out!)

    Thanks! x

  11. Ha Ha! Loved this! I actually know enough of the tech stuff to be dangerous (thus I’m the default “expert”) while my husband ends up holding the garage remote or (calculator!) pushing buttons madly… Anita

  12. Phil, I broke my ten-day absence from WP two mornings ago and followed an email link, while still abed, to read this one post. Almost wet the bed. How many times will I have to say “This is your funniest post yet?”

    This was so d#mned funny that when I re-read it today, I STILL spat egg all over the screen when I hit the line “What you’re right, red you’re dead?”.

    I wrote a post about falling behind in techdom, and it is so feeble…so weak…so lame in comparison. (Drat you!)

    Thanks for the two-time laughs!
    😀 😀

    • Babe I always enjoy your comments immensely. You may be funnier in your comments than on your blog.

      • I’m not sure whether or not to thank you for that…

      • It’s meant as a compliment. I love when I check my notifications to see that you commented on my last ten posts.

      • That’s why I do these long absences from WP, Phil: They’re all for the catching up that brings you such pleasure.

      • Well you definitely bring me great pleasure with your comment binges. You make me smile every time and you also pad my page view stats.

      • And those page-view stats–do those translate to real value, or just bring a bigger smile? For me, it’s four years in, around 200 followers, 30 or so fairly regular readers. I haunt the stats when I’m on a blogging roll, but…I write to write, and bet you do, too.

      • The page views just bring a smile. I try not to worry about them too much because they obviously don’t equal book sales.

  13. I now want to plug my coffee maker into my chromecast just because.

  14. This is me trying to understand anything that has to do with electricity. It may as well be magic produced by unicorns and elves. I just do not understand how it works. This upsets my husband (a trained electrician) a great deal, he often tries to explain electricity to me and I just sit there with a really dumb smile. It frightens him that as a nurse I give medicine and treatments that could possible kill them as well as save them, but yet I cant comprehend electricity. You have not fallen off a pedestal, you have just become a real person 🙂

  15. OMG this was me yesterday at work not being able to wiggle my arm/hand behind a filing cabinet and plug in a phone jack. Just didn’t click (I mean the jack). IT did it in one go.

  16. Hahaha!!! The weekend just went great reading this one!! Thanks Phil!! 🙂 🙂

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