These Glutes Are Made For Walking!

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That cartoon above will be me one day. My favorite post every three months is this one. Since I started doing this two years ago I’ve seen others do it too. I’d like to take credit for being the first. You’re welcome. If you come from outside the blogiverse to read this, what I’m talking about is the fact that in our control panel we get to see what search terms people type into Google that bring them to our blogs. So uh, yeah, you may have gotten here by accident, but we know exactly what kind of crazy sickos some of you really are. Without further adieu, here are ten of the most “interesting” search terms that brought people to #ThePhilFactor in the last three months:

10. Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: As I explained previously, Hindi is a language, Hindu is a religion. About 6 months ago I noticed “real sexting conversations to read in Hindi” coming up as a search term bringing people to my blog. I thought it was funny so I wrote a hilarious post about it. Now, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. at least twenty people come to my blog using that search term. Some days more people read my ‘sexting in Hindi’ post than the new post I put up that day. I am now the most popular Hindi dating advice site in the world.

9. Most painful things on Earth: Apparently reading my blog is one of them. People are surprisingly interested in pain. Ever since I wrote this post back in October droves of people have come to my site because they want to know about things that cause pain. I’d think “how to avoid pain” would be more popular.

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8. Yogapantsnono: It’s odd that someone got to my site using this phrase because usually if I see yoga pants I say yes yes, but that’s only because I look so good in them.

7. Charity for disabled rodents: That’s right, all proceeds from sales of merchandise in The Phil Factor Gift Shoppe are donated to buy tiny wheelchairs for rats. Who knows, one might turn out to be the next Stephen Hawking!

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6. Perks of dating a zombi: Apparently Google thinks I’m a dating site for zombies and Hindi’s. That’s right, The Phil Factor brings people together. I’m the Chuck Woolery of the blogging world.

5. People Die at Disney: Why did this bring people to my blog? I can’t say it’s untrue. I’m sure it’s happened there at least once. Those Caribbean pirates do look like an unsavory lot. There goes my chance to get Disney as an advertiser on The Phil Factor. BTW, most of you probably know that when Walt Disney died he had his head cryogenically frozen. I can’t wait to see them bring that back on top of an animatronic robot.

4. Useless things learned in elementary school: That pretty much sums up The Phil Factor.

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3. Fecal impaction cartoon picture: If you weren’t constipated when you started reading this, you are now!

2. I know you don’t need me anymore: Yes, The Phil Factor is the bastion of last resort for the lovelorn and heartbroken. Come find solace in my words. Luckily, if you are on the wrong end of a breakup you can probably find a zombie or Hindi speaking person here who is also looking for a little lovin’.

empowernetwork.com

empowernetwork.com

1. These glutes are made for walking nude: Wasn’t that an old Nancy Sinatra song? The glutes are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these glutes are gonna walk all over you

The genius of this is that for those of you who know that song, it will be stuck in your head all day except you’ll be singing “These glutes are made for walking…” Have a great weekend! ~ Phil

12 responses to “These Glutes Are Made For Walking!

  1. You are an evil, evil man! “These boots…awww hell…These glutes…! Evil!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. Just looking at this list I think I might actually be scared to visit your blog! Good thing I know what a quality place it is already! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting stuff Phil. You never know where or why Google sends you as you go off searching. Glad they are landing at your site! ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t remember what attracted
    Me to reading the Phil Factor
    Did I search Hindi romance?
    Constipation? Yoga pants?
    A Disney zombie buccaneer?
    No mind, just happy that I’m here.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. ‘These glutes..no wait boots noo WAIT’ ARGH! Why would you do THAT?!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Strange earthlings we live among. Perhaps the Log Lady could help them, or the owls….but the owls are not what they seem 😉 Thanks for the laughs!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. What kind of person googles fecal impaction pic instead of poop pic? Someone fecally impacted themselves from the broom up their but it would be rude to finish that thought, so I’ll just go back to singing “Lucy Had a Tugboat”.

    Liked by 1 person

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