Tag Archives: funny search terms

I Know What You Googled in the Dark!

I haven’t done one of these posts in a while. This is my quarterly reminder that even if you have your computer in ghost mode or you haven’t signed in to Google, someone somewhere knows what you searched when you’re home alone. Big Brother may not be watching, but I am. So without further self-indulgent blathering by yours truly, these are not the most popular search terms that brought people to The Phil Factor, but they are definitely the most interesting:

Sex position for Tuesday: It’s a little known fact that certain sexual positions on certain days of the week lead to a higher rate of conception. I am the world’s foremost expert on this subject, so for a fee, I will advise. In response to this inquiry, the answer is The Blender Bender. You’re welcome. Enjoy.

Can sociopaths smell? clinical study showed that people with a poor sense of smell score highly on ratings of sociopathic tendencies. I would guess that most of you can’t even smell the aroma I’ve programmed my blog to give off when you open the web page. If you can’t smell it, then you’re a sociopath.

Doppelganger women fight: Every man’s fantasy, right? I’d say that it depends on the woman.

electric-vehiclenews.com

Perks of being the Pope: It’s a little known fact that the Pope and I are old pals. We went to band camp together one summer and we still keep in touch. One of the perks of being the Pope is that he gets to drive the Popemobile, and he just loves to pull up to my house in that thing. He’s so smug.

What do kids get out of snorting Tide pods? I would guess not much more than their nostrils smelling like lavender breeze. Kids, if you’re reading this, stop snorting Tide Pods. Have you even tried drugs?

Amazon.com

Foot Fetish certificate: I used to be in charge of awarding the foot fetish certificates worldwide, but now apparently it’s Amazon.com. Go ahead, click that. I dare you.

Funny drinking charities: These are my favorite charities. Apparently, I am a funny drinking charity. Amazon author stats show that the only time anyone has ordered one of my books is when they are drunk. How does Amazon know that? Trust me, Amazon knows everything. EVERYTHING!

Celebrity nipples: So I’ve got an old friend who is a very well respected and confidential cosmetic surgeon, and long story short, Ryan Gosling has nothing on me, or is it vice-versa?

Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

Fun With Search Terms: The Father’s Day Edition!

When most of us were kids, Google was our dad. There was no internet or search engines. If you wanted to know something you had two choices: break open that giant set of encyclopedias that your parents bought twenty years ago or ask your dad. Dad was supposed to know everything, right? Only now that we’re parents we know that our parents didn’t know everything and were making all their answers up.

Now though, we can search the internet for answers. Unfortunately, when you ask the internet questions,  sometimes the internet keeps those questions so a blogger can make fun of them later, like now. Today. That is what I’m doing. Here are the funniest/weirdest search terms that brought readers to #ThePhilFactor over the last three months:

Gary Spivey on Trump Impeachment: I will take any opportunity to post a picture of Gary Spivey, Psychic Medium because I’m jealous of his fame and fortune. And hair. We have a lot in common. We have great hair and both he and I have predicted a premature end to the term of he who shall not be named. Also, I predicted I would interview Gary for The Phil Factor this year. He knows it’s going to happen.

MTV music video font: From my old days working on MTV I stole their font and have been using it.

Philthy Animal Old: I take exception to Google deciding that my blog, or me in particular, is the answer to this search term. It’s like Google is mocking me personally.

Funeral Fun: That’s right! Need entertainment for your funeral? Just call 1-800-Phil-Factor! I will emcee with humor and empathy!

“phil factor” bill gates: Yes, I’m the Bill Gates of blogging.

Phil is leaving memes: You’re damn right I’m leaving memes. I’m a meme dropping machine. And I’m sassy.

real sexting conversations to read in hindi: This goes back to a post from 2015 and since I published that, the views and this search term haven’t stopped. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. That’s ok. You Hindi speaking people feel free to fly your freak flag at The Phil Factor anytime you want. I’m here for you.

Have a great Sunday and Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads out there! ~Phil

No Hush Money? Then It’s Fun With Search Terms!

Fortunately Donald Trump hasn’t paid me money to keep my mouth shut, so I’m going to publish this. Fun with Search Terms is my quarterly post reminding you that whatever crazy thing you use Google to search for, someone somewhere is reading it. These are the ten best, funniest, weirdest search terms that have brought people to #ThePhilFactor in the last three months.

10. Do sociopaths give off an oder: I don’t know if anyone gives off an oder but sociopaths might give off an odor. And I’m marketing that odor as a new Axe Body Spray: Scent of a Sociopath! Then again, all Axe body sprays smell like that, don’t they?

That’s me in the crystal ball. I’m not the lady

9. Predictions in the phil predictions predictions for 2018: I predict that the person who typed this into Google will have employment challenges for the rest of their life.

8. Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: I don’t read or write Hindi, but many of my readers apparently do. I’m thinking that if I start a second blog about Hindi sexting it might be more popular than this one.

7. kizss feetcanada: Who doesn’t love kissing Canadian feet? Am I right?

6. butt and boobs: I only have one of these two things. Or is it three things?

5. if life was like facebook: Wow! That’s a horror movie idea if I’ve ever heard one.

4. pickup line about being psychic: In addition to my Hindi dating website, I’m now adding a dating service for psychics, but of course, they already knew that.

3. extra loud laughers: Well, I certainly hope that’s all of you. Extra loud laughing is ok to a point, isn’t it? At a certain point too much extra loud laughing verges into maniacal Joker like laughing, doesn’t it?

2. I want to kill people when they chew food: Seems like Google should reverse search this term and send the authorities to this persons house. Really? Food chewing put you over the edge? There are so many more petty reasons to hate so many people!

1. phil taylor american idol: While the title is apt, the season of the new American Idol airs tomorrow and I’m contractually bound not to say anything about the outcome. (Psst…I totally win)

So what are the funniest or weirdest search terms you’ve ever seen?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Fun With Search Terms! The Holiday Edition

Earlier this week Google released it’s list of the most popular search terms for 2017. Much to my surprise, I didn’t make their list, so I thought I’d one up them. Nothing makes me feel festive AF like getting a present that surprises me. With my psychic powers it’s hard to surprise me, but there’s one place where I find surprises every time: in the list of search terms that people put into Google that bring them to my blog. Here are the ten best from the last three months:

10. Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: This phrase and those who search it are responsible for 50% of my blog views. Ever since I wrote THIS POST in March of 2015 it’s been non-stop. I just wish some of them would leave a comment or buy one of my books.

Charlie in happier times

9. Charles Manson sad: Well of course he’s sad. He died this year!

8. Doppelganger in fight club: I know I wouldn’t want to fight my own doppelganger. He’d know all my good moves with the nunchucks and whatnot!

7. Hate Oprah: Somehow this simple but true phrase brought some wayward soul to my blog where he or she hoped to find others that shared his or her disturbing obsession.

6. The sexy man alive 2017: If google saw fit to lead someone to me after they searched this, then it must be true.

5. Hurricane: Yes, The Phil Factor is the hurricane of blogs, which I guess means that it blows. Get it? Hurricane-blows?

4. ineedyouraddress.com/tophil: Apparently I have a stalker! I hope he or she didn’t find my address. I love you all, but sometimes I’m happy that you’re one the other side of a screen somewhere far far away.

3. The Voice Adam Levine porn stache: I’m not sure what’s more disturbing, that someone searched this, or that my blog was the answer. Actually it’s related to THIS HILARIOUS POST from 2013 when Adam Levine was named Sexiest Man Alive over me.

2. World Psychic Predictions: Yes, psychic predictions are a service I provide for the world once a year. Come back to this space on Dec. 30th for my psychic predictions for 2018.

1. horniestintheland.com: Some are born into greatness while others have it thrust upon them. The title Horniest in The Land is not as popular or prestigious as Sexiest Man Alive, but I hope to wear the crown proudly. I honestly have no idea if that’s a real website and I’m too afraid to see what it is.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

 

Fun With Search Terms!

Do you ever feel like somebody’s watching you? Here is my quarterly reminder that anything you type into a search engine is going to be read by someone somewhere and maybe put on a blog. Do yourself a favor and sign out of your Google account before you go searching stuff. Remember a couple years ago when there was that Ashley Madison data breach? This could be so much worse. I’ll keep the names to myself, for now…

10. Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: This search term has been responsible for over 6,000 views of my blog in just the last three months. If you know someone who speaks Hindi, please give them a hug, or maybe more.

9. Pick up lines psychic: I imagine that psychics have to be pretty awesome at coming up with great pick up lines. How can you go wrong when you know what they’re going to say?

8. Sharknado 5 cameo: First, look at my profile pic on the top left. Now go back and watch Sharknado 5. Keeps your eyes open at about the 31 minute mark.

7. Canadian’s foot fetish: Sorry Canada, but you’ve been outed. Or do you say ooted?

6. Fidget spinners are for idiots: I think this one speaks for itself.

5. The Brady Bunch tmnt: The Brady Bunch and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Of course they come together on my blog. All because of this awesome interview. 

4. Fun Safe Words: Looking to spice things up in the bedroom but don’t want things to go to far? Yup, #ThePhilFactor has your back. Just read this

3. Hilarious charities: Apparently Google thinks that my blog is the answer to this search. They could not be more wrong, unless you want to buy my new book, then go ahead a feel charitable all you want!

2. top ten things you need to know in zombie politics: I have a hard time believing that this isn’t related to our current president.

1. want to kill people who chew loudly: I know it’s tempting, but you really shouldn’t.

So what are the strangest search terms that have brought people to your blog?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Is This A Trumped Up List of Search Terms?

Our current President might say this list is “Fake news. Sad!” but I would testify to a Senate Intelligence Committee that it’s all the truth. This is my quarterly reminder that whatever you put into a Google search, someone somewhere is going to read it. Quite possibly the Russians, but I swear that I took precautions to ensure that the Russians couldn’t interfere with this list.

10. Worst Tattoos: I don’t think my tattoos are that bad. What? You want to know what my tattoos are? When I get a new blog follower, I go to their profile page and print out their pic and get it tattooed somewhere on my body. If you want to know where yours is, email me. (BTW, I’ve got a few choice spots left. Let me know which one you want!)

9. bulbus nude ass: That may be where my tattoo of you is.

8. Sociopath smell: I thought I smelled like Teen Spirit, but apparently I smell like a sociopath. It’s kind of a sandal wood smell.

7. cool reason to guve up sleep: I think a cool reason to guve up sleep is to read every #ThePhilFactor post ever. Just keep scrolling backward. And call work. You won’t be going in today.

6. psychic will trump be impeached: As the only psychic on this blog I answered this question HERE

5. look at what you did dr. david dao: I’m pretty sure David Dao didn’t do anything. He looks downright lazy there. The airline crew is doing all the work!.

4. stop sending me chain letters: Those aren’t chain letters. You signed up for the emails when I post to my blog. But as long as you’re here, I’m a Nigerian Prince and I have a large sum of money I’d like to send to your bank account.

3. phil government shitdowb: Relax everyone. The Phil Government is just fine. There will be no shitdowb on my watch!

2. phil hindi sex: As much as I enjoy strangers from all over the world wanting very personal information about me, I swear I have never had sex with a hindi. Not that I’m opposed. I’m sure that most of the Hindi speaking people would be fine sexual partners. I think they even wrote a book about it.

1. Queen Amidala on toilet: I’m not sure what’s stranger; that someone searched this topic, or that Google directed them to my blog when they searched it.

Trust me, there were a few worse search terms that I refuse to put on my family friendly blog. The only thing more disturbing than some of these search terms is the spelling and grammar some people use. Obviously many of them don’t google the spelling of what they’re looking up. I hope you have a great weekend! ~Phil

Vote For Your Favorite!

In the United States we will be electing a new President in about 5 weeks, so I thought I’d help everyone practice their voting skills with a poll to vote on at the end of the post. This is my quarterly “Fun with Search Terms” post where I highlight some of the more unusual search terms that have brought people to #ThePhilFactor over the last three months.

president-phil

download funny images of life why so stressI’d find life very stressful if my language skills were as basic as this person.

I think I’m a little allgic to nuts: Apparently this persons tongue and fingers were swollen from their allgic reaction to the point that he/she couldn’t type. That’s very allgic. For future reference, if you do have an allgic reaction please call an ambulance before coming to The Phil Factor.

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Person shit on carpet cartoon: How proud am I that Google has decided that my blog is the answer to this search?

I should have jokes: That’s a great idea. Maybe I should get some jokes for my blog. Was Google telling someone to find jokes on The Phil Factor, or was it making a suggestion for me?

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A cartoon dog saying whatever: A cartoon dog? Which one? Snoopy, Brian, Underdog, Scooby Doo, Goofy, Hong Kong Phooey, Clifford, Lady, the Tramp? Someone needs to narrow their search. Who’s your favorite cartoon dog?

Kardashian predictions: As embarrassing as this might be, I am in fact the world’s most accurate Kardashian psychic.

Lying about where you are: You know the joke in movies and TV shows where someone says, “If I die, delete my browser history!” Yeah, that’s because they were at #ThePhilFactor.

What is Michael Phelps job: Whatever it is, at least it keeps him busy enough that he’s not out vandalizing mini-mart bathrooms like teammate Ryan Lochte.

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Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: This was by far the most frequently searched term that brings people to my blog. Literally about 50 times a day.

Horniestintheland.com: Some are born to greatness while others have it thrust upon them, (pun maybe intended)

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

HindiFest 2016! (aka Fun with Search Terms)

This isn’t really a post about a festival for my Hindi speaking readers, although Holi is coming up this Wednesday.  This is my quarterly scholarly examination of some of the more unusual search terms that have brought readers to my blog. So, whenever you’re “Googling” something, keep in mind that someone somewhere is reading it and if you don’t log out of your Google account, someone will know who you are.

Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: For the past 12 months this is by far the most frequent search term that has brought readers to my blog. It has become so prevalent that I’m considering starting a dating site for Hindi speaking people.

Horniestintheland: While this may be true, I’m not sure why searching it brings people to my blog.

Butt and boobs switched: I guess I might as well come clean; I did have my butt and boobs switched in an ill fated stunt to increase my popularity. Hey, it worked for Caitlyn Jenner.

Keep on lying to yourself: Hey, you don’t need to tell me twice. I keep telling myself that if I keep blogging I’ll become hugely popular and people will buy my books. It’s a little lie but it keeps me churning out quality content like this.

Sexiest

People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive: Of course this brings hordes of adoring fans to #ThePhilFactor. I’m just disappointed that I don’t win it every year.

American Idol Phil Taylor: People rarely search this or find out about it, but yes…Remember years ago when certain questionable media outlets alleged that judge Paula Abdul had an affair with a contestant? According to my lawyers I can neither confirm nor deny.

2016 predictions for the world by credible soothsayers: In case you weren’t aware, I am quietly one of the most powerful psychics the world has ever known. Here’s the proof: Read prediction #7 from this post from 2014, then look at this past week’s Life & Style cover:

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हिंदी सेक्स: Translation: Hindi Sex. This came up twice. In Hindi. My blog is accidentally the new Kama Sutra.

Pope McDonalds: Yeah, unfortunately the paparazzi caught me and Pope Francis sneaking out for a quick bite to eat at 3 a.m. after my bachelor party.

Things the Phil needs: Any psychoanalyst worth anything will tell you that my entire blog is a case study of my needs. Of course because of privacy laws they can’t tell you what it reveals about my mental status, but fortunately Four Winds Psych Hospital has great wi-fi so I can keep posting to The Phil Factor.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

These Glutes Are Made For Walking!

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That cartoon above will be me one day. My favorite post every three months is this one. Since I started doing this two years ago I’ve seen others do it too. I’d like to take credit for being the first. You’re welcome. If you come from outside the blogiverse to read this, what I’m talking about is the fact that in our control panel we get to see what search terms people type into Google that bring them to our blogs. So uh, yeah, you may have gotten here by accident, but we know exactly what kind of crazy sickos some of you really are. Without further adieu, here are ten of the most “interesting” search terms that brought people to #ThePhilFactor in the last three months:

10. Real sexting conversations to read in Hindi: As I explained previously, Hindi is a language, Hindu is a religion. About 6 months ago I noticed “real sexting conversations to read in Hindi” coming up as a search term bringing people to my blog. I thought it was funny so I wrote a hilarious post about it. Now, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. at least twenty people come to my blog using that search term. Some days more people read my ‘sexting in Hindi’ post than the new post I put up that day. I am now the most popular Hindi dating advice site in the world.

9. Most painful things on Earth: Apparently reading my blog is one of them. People are surprisingly interested in pain. Ever since I wrote this post back in October droves of people have come to my site because they want to know about things that cause pain. I’d think “how to avoid pain” would be more popular.

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8. Yogapantsnono: It’s odd that someone got to my site using this phrase because usually if I see yoga pants I say yes yes, but that’s only because I look so good in them.

7. Charity for disabled rodents: That’s right, all proceeds from sales of merchandise in The Phil Factor Gift Shoppe are donated to buy tiny wheelchairs for rats. Who knows, one might turn out to be the next Stephen Hawking!

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6. Perks of dating a zombi: Apparently Google thinks I’m a dating site for zombies and Hindi’s. That’s right, The Phil Factor brings people together. I’m the Chuck Woolery of the blogging world.

5. People Die at Disney: Why did this bring people to my blog? I can’t say it’s untrue. I’m sure it’s happened there at least once. Those Caribbean pirates do look like an unsavory lot. There goes my chance to get Disney as an advertiser on The Phil Factor. BTW, most of you probably know that when Walt Disney died he had his head cryogenically frozen. I can’t wait to see them bring that back on top of an animatronic robot.

4. Useless things learned in elementary school: That pretty much sums up The Phil Factor.

cartoon-poop

3. Fecal impaction cartoon picture: If you weren’t constipated when you started reading this, you are now!

2. I know you don’t need me anymore: Yes, The Phil Factor is the bastion of last resort for the lovelorn and heartbroken. Come find solace in my words. Luckily, if you are on the wrong end of a breakup you can probably find a zombie or Hindi speaking person here who is also looking for a little lovin’.

empowernetwork.com

empowernetwork.com

1. These glutes are made for walking nude: Wasn’t that an old Nancy Sinatra song? The glutes are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these glutes are gonna walk all over you

The genius of this is that for those of you who know that song, it will be stuck in your head all day except you’ll be singing “These glutes are made for walking…” Have a great weekend! ~ Phil