TBT! The People At Your Super Bowl Party

hometheaterabout.com

hometheaterabout.com

(02/01/15) We may be going to different Super Bowl parties this weekend, but a lot of the people at our parties will be eerily similar and equally irritating. Read on and see if you can identify these folks at your party this Sunday. If you can’t, you’re probably one of them.

The Gambler: He may know when to hold’em but he doesn’t know when to fold’em or when to shut up. This guy always wants you to know the “over/under” and how much he’s got riding on the game. And he spends most of the game fuming and stomping around every time an officials “b.s.” call threatens to upset the point spread he wants. He usually has a “prop bet” on the coin toss too. Unfortunately if the game doesn’t go his way The Gambler turns into The Belligerent Drunk. That is unless the black lab covers the spread in his bet on The Puppy Bowl.

toshcc.com

toshcc.com

The Referee: This tool has to explain every official ruling on the field as if he’s calculating a quadratic equation. He’ll usually say something like: “Well that was an illegal formation because the half-caff flanker position moved from a three point stance to a two point stance without waiting for a pause in the snap count while the rigamarole motion was ad infinitum. Now normally the refs would let that go but because of the down and distance and clock situation they were forced to call it.” Yeah thanks coach, I can’t imagine why you don’t win your fantasy football league every year.

The Commercial Lover: I hate to stereotype, but this is usually a woman. We all know her. She has no clue about what teams are in the game and often thinks that one teams “costumes are pretty.”  She usually says, “Oh I love the Super Bowl because of the commercials. I heard this year that Doritos and Coca Cola combined  for a commercial where The Pope break dances with a 3-D video of Michael Jackson. Oh wait, wait, wait, QUIET EVERYBODY, I think this is it. SHHHHH…I want to see this one. Did you see that? That was so funny! Oh my god! BEST Super Bowl commercial EVER!” Usually I’m secretly rooting for the drunk, belligerent gambler to punch her in the forehead.

joyreactor.com

joyreactor.com

Team Jersey Guy: This guy arrives at the party first and only brings a bag of chips. He grabs a beer and immediately plants his un-athletic physique in the recliner directly across from the television a half hour before kick off and won’t leave that seat until the game is over. If you’re the homeowner you might as well just haul that chair out to the curb after the game. You won’t want to keep it.  He doesn’t even get up to get another beer. “Oh, hey, if you’re going out to the kitchen could you grab me a brewski?” Once he’s settled in he’s almost as bad as The Gambler. Team Jersey Guy is also the pleasant guy who tries to wave your children out of the way if they walk in front of the t.v. during the game and you swear his head will explode if one of the kids even mentions switching the channel to The Puppy Bowl.

Contributions From the Peanut Gallery: Because I got several great suggestions in the comments I’m going to add them here and credit their contributors.

The Phone Clutcher:  Every party has a pooper– and he or she is usually that person whose gaze is on his or her smart phone, more often than it is upon the TV screen. They get noticeably antsy when told to put their phones down, and often can be found in dusty corners hugging the only thing they care about in the room. Why they go to these parties, I have never figured out. This spot on contribution came for Ally of The Spectacled Bean. Go visit her blog. She’s always interesting.

The Grazers: The grazers are the guys who don’t talk or interact with the rest. They just keep filling their plate and wandering around the house with no reason to be there other than the food. This great one is from John Howell of Fiction Favorites. Go visit John, he’s always got some great writing going on.

The Hater: The person who comes for the “party” and doesn’t care about the game, and proceeds to complain about the game the whole time. They’re always trying to get someone to play cards with them or something. This one is from Dr. Meg Sorick who still believes the Steelers got gypped. Her blog deserves a visit because she writes better than she dresses.

If you have any other suggestions for Super Bowl party people please add them in the comments. This year be sure to look for The Phil Factor commercial during the halftime show. If you miss that you can still subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle and follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor.

33 responses to “TBT! The People At Your Super Bowl Party

  1. Eek! I’m the referee! Mostly because I like to show off that I understand football!

    There’s also the hater: the person who comes for the “party” and doesn’t care about the game. And proceeds to complain about the game the whole time. My friend Trish is like that. She’s always trying to get someone to play cards with her or something. She ends up being a huge pain in the ass. And she doesn’t care about the commercials, either!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I don’t think I fit into any of those as I’m probably the one outside doing something with weights or feeding my face with eggs. If I was there, which I won’t be, I’d be the quiet one, on the floor, making occasional notes and sketching the scene unfolding before me.
    P.S. You asked about instagram…I’ve just set it back up again.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh the dreaded SuperBowl
    I’ll bury myself in a hole
    Because I think it really stinks
    Or maybe I’ll go out to Pinks
    Cause I know it’s the only time
    That I won’t have to wait in line.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’d add The Phone Clutcher. Every party has a pooper– and he or she is usually that person whose gaze is on his or her smart phone, more often than it is upon the TV screen. They get noticeably antsy when told to put their phones down, and often can be found in dusty corners hugging the only thing they care about in the room. Why they go to these parties, I have never figured out.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The grazers are the guys who don’t talk or interact with the rest they just keep filling their plate and wandering around the house with no reason to be there other than the food.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’m the commercial lover, but luckily for me and (you) there’s YouTube,so I don’t even have to sit through the game to see the ‘good stuff’. I’m a baseball girl. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I’ll be in the kitchen because I hate football no matter the shape of the ball. I’ll probably be half-pissed by the end of the game – me and all my kitchen mates – and we’ll have had a ball of our own. But I’ll have made all the food and snacks so think I’m entitled. You haven’t tasted my lasagne. Gives me a free pass to all the best parties. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The first rule of Super Bowl parties is don’t go to Super Bowl parties because they suck more than papercuts and flat beer combined. At Dubsism, we just ran our first advice column with some do’s and don’ts of Super Bowl parties. I already gave you the biggest one…you’re welcome/

    Like

  9. I am totally the commercial person. Spot on! Come on now, Phil, are you saying you’re *not* excited to see Coke and Doritos collaborate with the Pope breakdancing?? 😋

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Super post, Phil. Thanks for the mention as well. I love the meme. I don’t trust Chili makers at all. I agree with the Doc. The Steelers were gypped by the Steelers.

    Liked by 1 person

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