Because the National Football League has yet to issue a cease and desist order to me and because it’s funny I’m re-posting this classic that I wrote last year. Enjoy and Happy Friday!
(01/31/15) I’m not saying that The Phil Factor is The Official Blog of The #SuperBowl, and I’m not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that I want to get a cease and desist letter from the National Football League’s lawyers.
For those of you not from the States, or from the U.S. but you just don’t care, this weekend is the championship game of the National Football League, otherwise known as the #SuperBowl. I’m hashtagging those words, linking to their site, and making a point of using the phrase ‘Super Bowl’ because the NFL (No Phil League) literally tries to sue anyone who uses the phrase “Super Bowl” without paying them millions of dollars to do so. (I’m putting the words Super Bowl in bold print on the off chance that they’ll be more noticeable when someone from the NFL is looking at the internet.) Some networks even prohibit their announcers from saying Super Bowl out of fear of being sued by the NFL. Comedian Steven Colbert has taken to calling it the Superb Owl.
I call bullshit. I don’t care who you are or what entity you’ve created, no one gets to own words. When I’m elected President, or #SuperBowl MVP (Most Valuable Phil), whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating “No people or corporations can own words.” It’s a stupid idea that someone can own the right to the words #SuperBowl. I’m pretty sure that the words super and bowl were around long before American football. In fact, on Downton Abbey last week Mr. Carson was bringing soup to the Earl and Countess in this big, ornate dish and the Earl said, “Why Mr. Carson! That is the most super bowl I have ever laid my eyes upon!” Downton Abbey happened a hundred years ago, so there’s your proof that someone else used the phrase first.
What if I really do own a super bowl? You know, one of those cool ones with a picture at the bottom that you can’t see until you’ve eaten every drop. That is truly a super bowl. Or what about the people who invented the Perfect Bacon Bowl? That has got to be the superest of bowls. If there were a vote I’m pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl beats out football as the best kind of bowl. I’m also pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl people aren’t going to sue me for mentioning their product. In fact, they might even send me a free Bacon Bowl maker for mentioning it (hint, hint). Click on the video below. The song is a hilariously awesome and may sound more than a little like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m also sure that the folks in the legal marijuana states of Washington and Colorado think their bowls are pretty Super too. Is the NFL going to sue anyone there who says to their smoking buddy “Man, this is one super bowl“?
I’m not afraid to say any word I want. And by the way National Football League, what in the hell makes you so arrogant to think that you have to police the world to make sure no one uses your phrase? I would like to hereby announce that I am legally forbidding anyone from referring to themselves as the official anything of #ThePhilFactor unless I declare it. There you go National Football League. I dare you to declare your #SuperBowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. You know what though? I’m not going to sue you if you do. They’re only words. If you think my blog is so awesome that you want to affiliate yourself with it, great, but it’s going to cost you. In fact, nevermind. The title is already taken. I’m officially declaring that the Perfect Bacon Bowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. And if the Perfect Bacon Bowl people wanted to buy advertising space in my sidebar I’m not opposed to that.
As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor, which is the #SuperBowl of blogs, please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great #SuperBowl weekend! ~Phil
This is great! I included football in one of my books and you wouldn’t believe how many ways I had to find to NOT use the team name! Hilarious as always! I’ll take a bacon bowl btw!
Nice S*per B*wl post. You said it not me.
LOL! Good one!
I want a bacon bowl now too. I’ve never seen one before but I reckon that’s the most #superbowl. Keep your #superbowl league. It’s got funny balls. And you obviously have #superballs to challenge them. I don’t have #superballs. I’m just an itsy bitsy girly who likes #superbowls in my kitchen so if you get more than one from the bacon butty peeps I claim my #superbowl too. I’m starving now and no bloody bacon in the fridge. #superbummer.
You are too funny! I laughed my balls off
Hope you don’t mind, Phil. I reblogged this but turned off comments so’s people would come here and reclaim the words #superbowl. How perfectly ridiculous. superbowl, superbowl, superbowl,superbowl, I’m going to repeat this all day just to piss them off. Piece of nonsense. #supereejits
Reblogged this on scottishmomus and commented:
Happy #superbowl American peeps. I dare you to check out Phil’s post and reclaim words.
This was a tough one, Phil. I laughed really hard at your post. I laughed just as hard at the bacon bowl video–sorry. Was that disloyal? I honestly thought it was a spoof–almost all the way! Thanks for sharing that inspirational piece of art.
Okay, so I’m laughing 1/3, laughing 1/3 again, but also
p#ssed-off 1/3. ‘Cause I agree with you and said the same thing in my nerdy Math post where I rail about the product that has been permitted by the jackasses at the Federal copyright office to be copyrighted as “Touch Math”. What the F#ck? Every teacher of elementary math has her/his kids touch things to count them. I can’t say in my classroom “Okay, kids, let’s use our Touch Math to add (subtract).” without getting SUED? That is BULLSH#T.
I can’t wait for the post after you receive the letter from the lawyers!!
Considering the Superest of Bowls is in my town this weekend and I’m currently dreading the commute to work due to, you know, TONS of people–I couldn’t resist reading your take on it. And I LOVE it. I do have a bowl that really is quite super. And DAMN IT I want to talk about it all the time. I’m going to walk downtown today and talk loudly in the crowd about how super my bowl is. Take that NFL.