Yes, I’m going there. I don’t know who you are, but I’d wager a guess there’s a few of you adventurous enough in the bedroom that you use “safe words”. The genesis of this post was my discovery that someone had Googled “a safe word and a rib eye” and ended up at #ThePhilFactor. So, I figured that if the people that need safe words are going to be here, I might as well be helpful. Here’s ten safe words that will definitely kill the mood:
10. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! It’s especially effective at ending any sexual escapade if you say it in a Mary Poppins voice. Also, what’s really impressive is that I spelled it correctly without looking it up. That’s hot, right ladies?
9. Cattywampus: It’s an old, goofy way to say kitty corner. It just sounds funny.
8. It’s fine: It’s never good when someone says this. Especially women. And when they do, it’s usually followed by a sigh and an eye roll.
7. Bob’s your uncle: It’s a British term that means everything is good. Said in an American bedroom I think most people would think WTF? Or possibly, why is she talking about my Uncle? In the U.K. you may not want to use this as a safe word.
6. We need to talk: Also, never a good phrase. That will stop most any activity.
5. Collywobbles: An old fashioned word that means you are about to forcefully return the contents of your stomach into the wild to roam free, as in “You’d better not do that. I’ve got the collywobbles.”
4. Finifugal: It’s a funny word that literally means that you’re afraid to finish something. Perfect for a safe word, right? You can say it three times like Beetlejuice. Finifugal! Finifugal!Finifugal!
3. Bumfluff McNichols: I’m pretty sure if you shout that, it’s an attention grabber. It’s also the name of a guy on Twitter. I thought it was funny and it stuck in my head.
2. “I’m your brother/sister” Ugh. Tell me that wouldn’t be a show stopper, right?
1. The Phil Factor: Just once, somebody out there use this and let me know.
So, not that you need them, but what would be your suggestions for a funny safe word?
Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil