You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a fidget spinner, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a fidget spinner, baby
Right round round round ~ partially borrowed from You Spin Me Round by Dead or Alive
Maybe it’s happened. Maybe unbeknownst to me, I’ve turned into a crotchety, cranky, cantankerous old man. I suppose the fact that I used the word ‘unbeknownst’ is probably a sign that I’m verging into the “Hey you kids! Get off of my lawn” phase of my life. Or maybe … millions of people are idiots. So as not to disrupt the consistent ‘brand‘ I’ve built here on #ThePhilFactor, I’m going to go with the millions of idiots theory. Are you one?
Are you one of the millions of idiots that have a “fidget spinner” because life is just too stressful and your hands and mind cant be idle to ponder the mysteries of the universe for even a minute?
For my readers from outside of North America, I don’t know if these are in your country yet, but fidget spinners are those little things that are in the top picture of this post. People just hold them between their thumb and forefinger and spin them. That’s it. That’s all they do. What does that accomplish? I have no idea. Allegedly they help relieve stress and boredom. WTF? Are you kidding me? What the hell happened to cell phones? Adults and kids all over the United States are buying these stupid little toys and carrying them with them everywhere.
Is this what our society has come to? Are we so accustomed to constant external stimulation that our minds are unable to cope with thirty seconds of boredom? I think that these idiotic things are representative of our society as a whole, and it’s not good. Not good at all.
“But Phil“, you’re saying to yourself, “fidget spinners are just a harmless toy. How could they possibly be a bad thing for society?” First, thank you for saying my name when you speak in your head. I love that. Second, think about our lives before “smart phones.” When we were bored, we daydreamed, we reminisced, and we thought of stuff. The people who created Google and Amazon didn’t have fidget spinners or smart phones. They had a shit load of free time to think of stuff. How about the space program? You ask a twenty year old if they want to have a manned mission to Mars and they’d be like, “What? Why would I go to Mars when I can just look it up on my phone?”
Stephen King? Shakespeare? The Wright Brothers? Yup, they had no fidget spinners or smart phones. The people who invented smartphones had no smartphones or fidget spinners. Anything and everything great in our life was invented before cell phones and fidget spinners! Right now there are thousands of millenials taking jobs at Google and they’re skateboarding into work with fidget spinners in their pockets and the creative idiots that run the company are going to let them play with those stupid things all day. I predict the end of Google within two years. The Phil Factor, however, will still be going. You know why? That’s right, because I don’t have a fidget spinner. Tell me, has anything truly great, truly advancing human kind occurred since fidget spinners were invented? Bueller? Bueller? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Case closed.
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a fidget spinner, baby
Right round round round
Now you’ve got that song stuck in your head. You’re welcome. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil