The More Famous, The More Idiotic They Are

From Twitter

From Twitter

Yaaa! Adam Levine and his wife Basmati Prinsloo have a new baby daughter and her name is dusty rose. Oops, I guess since that random combination of words is actually a name, I should capitalize it. Dusty Rose. Here’s picture of Dusty Rose:


She’s adorable isn’t she! They named her after a color, and it’s not even a good color! Maybe she can go to school with with Kim Kardashian and Kanye Wests’ daughter, North West. Here she is:


Imagine being a teacher in a school full of these idiotically named celebrity kids:

“Kids, it’s time to line up to go to lunch! Everyone over to the door, single file. Yes, Blue Ivy, you can go to the bathroom first, but hurry up. Rocket Zot! Stop cutting in line. Now you have to go back and get behind Zuma. Royalty and Bear Blaze, could you push in all the chairs, please. (little girl quietly tugs on teachers jacket) Yes Apple, there will be a vegan, gluten free, free-range soy option at lunch. Jermajesty! It’s Pilot Inspektor and Siri‘s, I mean Suri‘s  turn to erase the board. You can do it after recess. Moxie Crimefighter, could you take the attendance list and run it down to the office?”

All the names are hyperlinked to articles online so you can see who the guilty parents are, if you don’t know. Yes, Moxie Crimefighter is a child’s real name. She’s the daughter of magician Penn Jillette, who himself is named after an inanimate object or a verb. Of all the stupid celebrity child names, I like that one best. But it’s possible that Moxie doesn’t. That is why I’m going to do two things:

1. I’m going to become a lawyer, and when all these idiotically named kids turn 18, I’m going to help them sue their parents for the emotional distress caused by their ridiculous names. Rich kids filing lawsuits? Cha-ching! That’s a money making bonanza for a lawyer!

2. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that each hospital must have a board of three intelligent, sane people who approve baby names before they’re typed on the birth certificate. Then another law that says that you have to keep your normal name until you’re 21, at which time, if you want,  you can change it to Bottle Opener or Zoomba Tai Chi or even Batman. BUT…once you change it at 21 you’re stuck with it for life, like a tattoo.

If I were to legally change my name right now, I just might change it to The Phil Factor. In the comments, if you were to change your name to something creative, what would you pick?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil


22 responses to “The More Famous, The More Idiotic They Are

  1. I’m thinking Bugs Bunny. He was always a hero of mine, although since he was a male, maybe I should feminize it … perhaps Bugsalina.

  2. Celebrity kid lawsuits. You, sir, are brilliant!

  3. I knew celeb child names were bad but when you see a collection together – oh my. And I thought my class this year had bizarre names! (I do have a local sporting celebrity child in my class, so maybe that’s why)
    I’ve met Penn and Teller – I’d have had something to say about name choices had I known Penn had chosen that (although, it is pretty cool). As for me, Lucia DeHavilland – flew in a DeHavilland bomber once and always thought it would make me sound intriguing!

  4. And who could forget Fifi Trixibelle Geldof? And you did.

  5. They all sound like names for pets and would also make a great zoo. If I had a choice, I would keep my own name. Come to think of it, I do have a choice. People change their names all the time. I could also be an AKA.

  6. I agree on the names. What are these people thinking? Lawyer windfall.

  7. What a list, what are parents thinking? Tho I new a girl in school named Chanda Leer. 🙂 Me, I would like a name like Anastasia Beaverhausen (aka Karen on Will & Grace). Maybe Lulu Skunksniff??

  8. Hope they remain famous when they’re grown up.
    I can’t imagine being an “average Joe and Jane” with such idiomatic first names. You’d practically be doomed to eventually winding up in prison or becoming homeless (at best)

  9. Phil, so sorry to break it to you. . .My son married a woman with two children with normal names: Lara and Landen. Then they proceeded to have his kids, which sound like results from seventies hippies: Marley (daughter), Makyah, (daughter) and Hendrix, son. Okay, laugh out loud and no they are not “potheads!” 🙂

  10. I would probably live to regret
    Going to the medicine cabinet
    Choose a name from random bottle
    And perhaps my children would not throttle
    Me for being the one who’s able
    To name them aft what’s on the label

  11. The more stupid names I hear, the more I think George Foreman was brilliant! Name all your kids George and be done with it.

  12. Gerard Way’s daughter is called Bandit…

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