Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Fortune Cookie Messages

The other day I got a really lame fortune cookie fortune. It was something like “Don’t stick your arm in a wood chipper or you’ll be up in arms.” It got me thinking that not all fortunes are fortunate. Here are the ten worst fortune cookie fortunes:

10. That time that you thought no one saw you, someone did.

9. You should probably get that rash checked out. It’s worse than it seems.

8. Calm down. That girl in accounting flirts with everybody.

7. If you’re looking for wisdom in a fortune cookie you’re a moron.

6. You should probably brush up your resume’.

5. Your blog isn’t as funny as you think.


4. Avoid nude beaches. Please. 

3. Don’t eat any Chinese food today. It will make you very ill. No, seriously, stay near a bathroom.

2. A bird in the hand will probably crap in your palm.

1. Don’t worry about the expiration date on your milk. Don’t ask how I know. I just do.

So what’s the best fortune you’ve ever gotten? Did you ever have any come true? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

6 responses to “Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Fortune Cookie Messages

  1. HA! #9 would be the worst! My friend sees dead people and can sense the future and she told me once that my life was going to go to hell, and then like really go to hell…in a hand basket. And it did. Everything she said came true. So next time she starts telling me something I am going to run the opposite direction screaming, ‘LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA!’ Does that count?

  2. If success in life is what you seek
    Comb your hair and brush your teeth.

  3. Most of my fortunes have been pretty okay, but to give myself a scare, I’ll add “in bed with your ex-husband” to the ending and then they become excruciating. 😉

  4. How about, “Breaking this cookie is bad JuJu.”

  5. Oh no! I like the ones I save and forget the ones I am concerned about. . . Smiles Robin 😁

Leave a Reply