Crime Fighting Robots Prevent The Apocalypse

Daily Express

Some guy named David Meade predicted that the end of the world would begin today. Some other guy named Phil Taylor (Me) predicted in this blog post from January 1st that the world would not end this year. Looks like we’ve got a showdown. Go ahead, read the blog post. Also, note  in that blog post I predicted Princess Kate would get pregnant again. Obviously my track record as a psychic is pretty good. David Meade’s, not so much. So who are you going to believe?

By profession, David Meade is a research scientist, holding a master’s degree in statistics, his background in research and experimental design has enabled him to develop a unique and powerful approach to Pinewood Derby racing. He also enjoys model rocketry and astronomy.” Basically, he’s a professional nerd and an amateur astronomer. I have no problems with professional nerds. They make all the important stuff happen. Amateur nerds however do not impress me. David Meade, you sir are an amateur nerd.

In 2006 David Meade wrote a book about cheating at Cub Scout crap. In 2006 I was writing this blog. If you’re racing a Pinewood Derby car at a Cub Scout meeting, call David Meade. If you want predictions about the future, call me.

The crux of David Meade’s prediction is that Planet X, an alleged mysterious planet that NASA denies exists, will crash into the Earth today. Also Dave says there will be a sign in the skies over Jerusalem today. Well, what is it Davey boy? Are we getting a sign, or will a planet crash into us and wipe out the Earth? Make up your mind!

Here’s what really happened: David Meade previously predicted that Planet X would crash into the Earth today. As today drew nearer David Meade heard about the crime fighting robots. What?!!? Crime fighting robots? Yes, crime fighting robots.

Yes, a California company makes crime fighting robots. A world with bad ass crime fighting robots is a world I want to live in. So David Meade heard about the crime fighting robots, and realizing that they would detect the threat of Planet X and use their robot crime fighting skills to defeat the rogue planet, he changed his prediction to just a sign in the sky that heralds a seven year period of the world going into the crapper. (Some say that period began in January)  

See? I didn’t take the obvious route and use R.E.M.’s End of the World. I pulled out the Rick Springfield that the world forgot. That’s how you know you can trust me instead of David Meade. Well, trust me and the crime fighting robots. We’ve got your back. Again.

Also in other news that proves we have a future. In a recording studio somewhere, an accomplished voice actor who has done over 400 books is reading my book Time To Lie into a microphone so you can listen to it on your commute. Would he be doing that if the world is going to end?

Thank you to my friend Casey for warning me about our not so imminent demise. Have a great Saturday and make plans for the future! ~Phil

12 responses to “Crime Fighting Robots Prevent The Apocalypse

  1. First of all, that David Meade is obviously bat-shit crazy. If I felt the world was going to end today, I would already be on glass #3 of wine, but I’m not. You should start a psychic hot line: 1-800-CAL-PHIL. Lastly, did you use your Amazon gift card yet? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Phil,
    My students freaked me out telling me about this. Your headline brought a smile to my face. A little humor for our last day? Not too shabby.
    Off to stumble.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a cheeky post and I have giggled. Thank you 🙂
    Pinewood Derby, lol — January, lol 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s the end of the world as we know it
    And that’s all you’ll get from this poet.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am reading this in the future and can report that the future totally exists, the world does not end, and yes, Donald Trump is really president.

    I wish I had better news… hopefully Future-Future Me checks in next.

    Liked by 1 person

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