10. “I let the dogs out. Growing up in The Bahamas I was neighbors with the Baja Men. I saw their dogs in a fenced-in backyard. They were so cute. I wanted to pet them, so I let them out.”
9. “I was the original Harry Potter. I played Harry in the first two movies, but then they said I was too tall for the part and they brought in that Radcliffe hack.”
8. “In college at Harvard I invented social media by creating the website MyFace. My two buddies Mark Zuckerberg and some dude named Tom ripped me off and made their own sites.” When asked to comment by The Phil Factor, Mark Zuckerberg said, “Who?” It’s not clear if he was referring to George Santos or The Phil Factor.
7. “I helped catch Bin Laden. Spring Break 2011, me & my buddies were hiking in Afghanistan. B.T. dubs, those Afghan chicks are hot. They look so mysterious behind their burqas. Anywho, in the mountains I came across a Taco Bell wrapper. Then another and another leading to a cave where this bearded guy in a turban was finishing a 32 oz Baha Blast Mountain Dew by the fire. We kept our heads down and kept going. I called that in as soon as we got back to the hotel.”
6. “I’m dating Pete Davidson and I don’t care who knows it. He makes me feel like a man.”
5. “When Kanye ran up on stage and took the mic from Taylor Swift, I put him up to it. I was going to do it myself, but you know how Ye is.”
4. “The Jan.6 ransacking wasn’t Trump’s fault, it was mine. Honestly, Trump’s speech was a snoozer, so I told the crowd that the House of Representatives were going to party after the vote count and we should just crash it as a way of welcoming Biden. And by the way, I was the first one wearing that big buffalo hat. Then these jerks took it away and started trying it on. Jerks!” (tries to stifle tears)
3. “My blog has existed longer than Phil’s. He thinks 18 years is impressive, but I invented blogs in 2004.”
2. “I’m not dating Exotic Joe from Netflix’s Tiger King series ever again.“
1. “Meghan Markle dated me before she found Harry. That’s what his book Spare is about. He realized that she is still pining for me. Honestly, they both are.”
Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. This may have been a parody. Have a great Friday! ~Phil
This was genius, Phil. I’ll bet Santos suggested it.
Lol, I’m sure he’ll take credit for it