Category Archives: Humor

Effing Daylight Savings is This Weekend

This is my bi-annual reminder that tonight in the United States we move our clocks forward by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 120 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about ten years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anything from Marty McFly it’s that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I, for one, am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2024

Throwback Thursday! Clown Lives Matter!

I’m posting this throwback post from 2016 because I love creepy clown stuff weirding people out.

Phil clown

Many of you are familiar with the current clown crisis in the United States. I would like to say that me reporting on it and a guy in Northampton, England who did it, were way ahead of the curve. Back in Sept. 2013 I wrote about the Northampton Clown.

If you’re not familiar with the “clown crisis” in the United States, first let me decrease your anxiety by stating that it has nothing to do with Donald Trump.

The clown crisis is a trend of people dressing as creepy clowns and behaving in somewhat menacing ways in random places towards random strangers. Imagine getting home from work after dark. You get out of your car and no one else is around. Suddenly a creepy clown steps out of the bushes or from between a couple nearby cars and starts walking towards you. Yeah, it’s stuff like that that’s been going on constantly all over the United States for about two months now.

qf1dwz97

It’s become such a trending topic that on Twitter Stephen King said:

Really Steve? You are completely responsible for people being afraid of clowns in the first place.

itbookcover

Guess what everybody? I’ve got a hunch that the clown crisis started as a publicity stunt for…a movie remake of IT that’s scheduled to be released next year. Yes, IT was a movie in 1990 and because Hollywood has run out of original ideas, they’ve made another one. It’s in post-production now. I’m thinking that some marketing genius decided to try to start kind of an underground Blair Witch-like independent buzz about scary clowns and hired some actors to pop up in creepy clown costumes. It worked, but it bred teenage idiotic copycats.

Sadly however, it’s always the children clowns that suffer. Yes, there is outcry from all over the country from “real” clowns that the recent outbreak of creepy clowns is scaring people away. Watch this short video interview:

Did he just say, “John Wayne Gacy. Nice guy as a clown, I’m told by clown people.”?!!?  First of all, who has “clown people” ? Although I’m sure many of you think I’m a clown people kind of guy, surprisingly I’m not.

Sadly, the mean, scary clown craze has ruined the clowning industry. According to an interview with Yo Yo the clown, of Syracuse, “These creepy clowns walking through the neighborhoods is really disturbing for us good clowns who just want to make people happy,” Yo Yo said. “There are a lot of good clowns out there.” Yo Yo, You’re damn right there are a lot of good clowns out there. So why don’t they do something about it? Why can’t the good clowns patrol our neighborhoods and fight the creepy clowns? I want a full on Clown War! Or at least a Netflix original series based on that premise.

I believe however that the creepy clown craze has just about run it’s cycle. How do I know this? Because there’s a #ClownLivesMatter movement. Just check the hashtag on Twitter. Someone has organized a #ClownLivesMatter peace walk in Arizona. Seriously, now we’re doing a 5K to support serious clowns? I can’t wait for the ribbon magnet to put on the back of my car. Of course if I do, I’ll be able to fit like 20 people in there.

Hey, just for fun, since I’ve used the hashtag #ClownLivesMatter, could all of you click either or both the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below? I’d love to see this post show up really high in the Google list when people do a search for #ClownLivesMatter. Have a great Thursday! Just don’t do  too much clowning around ~Phil

5 Ways To Spice Up Your Doctors Appointment

My sexy legs in all their middle aged glory

I don’t know about you, but I dread my annual physical. Who doesn’t? If there’s anyone reading this that actually looks forward to an annual physical, please explain why in the comments. I dislike mine mostly because it takes soooo long.

I didn’t seem to have any pressing physical issues, that I was aware of, so I was about three months past due on getting my annual physical.  When they called I thought to myself, “What a great, legit way to get out of the last two hours of work on a Friday afternoon!”  Who doesn’t love to start their weekend with a good probing?

This is definitely me

5. If they are examining any orifice from your mouth to the stuff downstairs, you should casually say “This is so much less painful than when the aliens did it.”

4. When filling out the paperwork in the waiting room loudly shout to the front desk, “Hey! There’s no questions about fleas and ticks. Why did I even come here today?” Follow that with a little scratching. 

3. When they’re prepping to give you a vaccination, hold your arm out inside up and ask if they are going to tie it off first, then mumble, “Sorry, force of habit.”

2. If you are a man, always wear a leopard print thong to your appointment. If they’re going to make you feel uncomfortable for 45 minutes, then you might as well do the same to them.

This really did happen to me once

1. When they have you step on the scale in the hallway, insist on stripping all your clothes off so you can get your best weight. If they have to weigh me and that number is going to be written in stone until I show up next year then they damn well better get it right.

If you can manage to squeeze all five of these in to one appointment, I guarantee that you’ll be having a lot more fun than the other patients. If anyone has any other suggestions for making medical appointments more fun, put them in them comments and I can compile and repost this.

Have a great rest of your weekend! ~Phil

“50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” in the 21st Century

I realize most people under 45 won’t remember this brilliant, catchy 1975 song from Paul Simon. First is the official video of the original. Beneath that is my idea of what the lyrics would he if he recorded it again in the new millennium. I’m hoping for enough social media shares that it gets back to Paul Simon and he actually does re-record it.

 

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
She said it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
Swipe to the left, Jeff
Block him on Instagram, Ma’am
You don’t need to be a girl or boy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the Uber, Goober
It’ll be so much smoother
Just drop off the Snapchat, Pat
And get yourself free
You just give her the ghost, Jost
Block him on Instagram, Ma’am
Make a new profile, it won’t take awhile
You don’t need to be a girl or boy, Roy
Just get yourself free

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was a filter I could use
To make you smile again
I texted I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don’t we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You’ll begin to see the light
Then she sent a kiss emoji
And I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
Just swipe to the left, Jeff
Block him on Instagram, Ma’am
Make a new profile, it won’t take awhile
Just get yourself free

Hop in the Uber , Goober
It’ll be so much smoother
Just drop off the Snapchat, Pat
And get yourself free

You just give her the ghost, Jost
Block him on Instagram, Ma’am

Make a new profile, it won’t take awhile
You don’t need to be a girl or boy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the Uber, Goober
It’ll be so much smoother
Just change the password key, Lee
And get yourself free
Now that you’ve read it, can you imagine how popular that would be if he did that now? If any of you happen to know Paul Simon, please send him this or use the social media buttons below to share it.  I think the world needs this. Have a great Tuesday!
~Phil

Are We a ‘Veruca Salt’ Society?

Veruca Salt 1971 & 2005

We love our streaming services, don’t we? So many choices and all instantly “On Demand.” On Demand? That’s a great catchphrase some marketing whiz came up with in a meeting about fifteen years ago. When I think “On Demand” I think of Veruca Salt. No, not Veruca Salt the 90’s band that had that great song we all knew, but the Veruca Salt of my childhood. Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. (I put the picture from both Willy Wonka movies so that I can rake in big views from both generations) Veruca’s big musical number in the movie was titled “I Want It Now.”

That kind of sounds like our attitude towards television, doesn’t it?

Consumers seem to be more “consumery” than we used to be. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? When the hot new show hits our favorite streaming service we all consume it ravenously and  immediately don’t we. We “binge-watch” until we run out of episodes. And, while we’re bingeing our shows, we order food and drinks delivered to our doorstep ASAP.

It’s not just food, drink and entertainment that we binge on though, is it? Aren’t we the same way with information? We have supercomputers in our pocket that give us instant answers to any questions. Raise you’re hand if you’ve looked something up at a library in the last 15 years. Hmm…let’s see…I’m not seeing any hands. Maybe this has already been too many words and people have lost interest. Hmm…too many words?

I keep an eye on the length of my posts because I fear our ADHD society won’t stay long enough to read the whole thing. When I began blogging in 2005 there was just blogging. Then in 2009 when Twitter came along it was called microblogging. So let’s do an analogy. There’s blogging and there’s microblogging. There’s also penises and micro-penises. Which one do you want? That’s right, so stay and read my blog versus the microblog.

And with Tinder people are trying to have micro-relationships delivered to their door, rather than meeting people in “real life.”

To be honest, I blame England for my frustration. First of all, they made the Willy Wonka movie with Veruca Salt as the heroine. Secondly, you know how most streaming TV series are 8 episodes per season and sometimes you have to wait a year or two for the next 8 episode micro season to come out? That’s England’s fault. They’ve done that stupid shut for decades with popular TV shows and over the last decade, American streaming shows have followed suit.

In the States we grew up with 22 episode seasons that were there on our TV every year. Until Netflix showed up, we never whined or worried about our TV shows. They just kept showing up every year for a decade or two. We grew up with Jerry, Elaine, George, Kramer, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Ted, Marshall, Lilly, Barney, and Robin. They were part of our lives every week. Other than Law & Order, nothing seems to do that anymore. (Mariska Hargitay is going to be on that show until she’s 90)

So what do you think? Has the human race changed? Have we become a Veruca Salt society? And if so, is that change good? (Trademark pending on the phrase “Veruca Salt Society”)

Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! My Interview with Author Christopher Moore

In my effort to remind people that I used to do interviews so that I can do more interviews, I’m bring back this classic from 2013. This is one of my most popular posts ever. The author, Christopher Moore, who has several NYT bestsellers, couldn’t have been nicer and didn’t care that he was talking to a guy who’s blog only had about 150 followers back in 2013.

chrisgoofy

(June 18, 2013) PT: Chris, welcome to The Phil Factor. Thanks for taking the time to answer a few questions for my readers. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Christopher Moore’s work, he is the author of thirteen published novels and a graphic novel. Whether the genre be suspense, fantasy or the skewering of the vampire craze, you can always add the word humor in front of anything Christopher Moore writes. Christopher Moore is also one of the most fan friendly authors you’ll ever meet and if I’ve learned anything from his Facebook page it’s that he is a man who loves Meerkats.

meerkat-mafia

PT: Chris, speaking of your Facebook page, the Meerkat thing has been a running gag on your page for years. How did it get started?

Chris:  I don’t really remember. I think I was just scrolling through the channel guide on the TV one day and there were all these bizarre animal and vocational shows, and I thought, what if you combined one of those shows and had meerkats who were pizza delivery guys. So the first dozen or so Meerkat Pizza Delivery jokes were just promos on twitter for a non-existent TV show. As it went on, people started sending me pictures, and I started putting captions on them, and it just got out of hand. 

PT: Rumor has it that your novel The Stupidest Angel is in production to be a feature length film to be released later this year. Is it still on track to be out later this year and how much input have you had on the making of the movie?

Chris: The guy who is producing it has been breathlessly close to starting to film at least three times, but he’s missed the deadline if he were going to be able to release it in 2013. It’s been in development with the same guy for like six years, and he works hard and is very earnest, but as you might have guessed, it’s hard to get a movie made. I’m supposed to be in the movie as an animation character, and the producer listens to my suggestions on casting, but beyond that, I just keep writing books and waiting for news like anyone else. I sold my first book for a film twenty-three years ago and that one hasn’t made it to the screen yet, so I’m kind of used to not getting too excited about these things. 

PT: That’s too bad. I’ve often thought many of your novels would make great movies. One of my favorite novels of yours is Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal. Did you catch any flack from fans of Jesus Christ for some of the humor in that book?

Chris: Not at all. I think it had a self-correcting audience. In ten years, I’ve gotten perhaps 30,000 e-mails about it and only five have been negative, and four of those people hadn’t even read the book. It’s actually being taught in a number of seminaries and is on the recommended reading list at Harvard Divinity. I guess the people who were supposed to get the joke, got it, and those who wouldn’t, didn’t pick the book up. 

PT: Of all your characters, which one has the most of you in him or her?

Chris: Probably Tommy from my vampire series, although he’s not like me now, but me when I was 19 or 20, which he is in the books. He’s a kid from the Midwest who just sort of throws caution to the wind to goes, all by himself, to California to find his fortune and a career as a writer, and I sort of did that at his age, so his reactions are similar, I think, to what mine would have been in a similar situation, although I didn’t ever have a red-headed vampire as a girlfriend.

bloodsuckingfiends_lg (1)

PT: As I alluded to in the introduction, you’re extremely fan friendly. Why?

Chris: I don’t even think of my fans as fans. It always sounds strange to me. They are my readers. They are the people who allow me to do this wonderful thing that I get to do for a living. If my work didn’t resonate with my readers, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do, and I love doing what I do, so I guess I feel like I owe them. Plus, when you make people laugh, they are kindly disposed toward you, so most people I encounter are pretty nice. There are many worse ways to spend your time than entertaining people who love your work. 

PT: On your website, www.chrismoore.com you have apparel, something I doubt any other author has. How did that idea come to fruition and why the tie in with all profits going to MS research?

Chris: All the swag, from Fucksocks to T-shirts came from reader suggestions and requests. I never really wanted to be in the merchandise business, and I didn’t want to have to oversee the product. For a long time there was a volunteer from my old web forum who ran the store, then a few years ago I turned it over to a guy who specialized in making merch. (I think right now he’s had a management meltdown, so I don’t even know what’s available for sale anymore.) Anyway, since I didn’t want to put the effort into it, or feel like I was pimping t-shirts for a living, I decided to give all the proceeds to charity. About the time all of this was being set up, a young friend of mine was diagnosed with MS, so I decided to give all the proceeds to MS research. 

PT: There you have it ladies and gentlemen, the first ever mentions of Meerkats and Fucksocks on The Phil Factor. We are truly in groundbreaking, man on the moon territory, here. Chris, before you go, do you have a preview or teaser about your next book you’d like to share with your readers?

Chris:  It’s called The Serpent of Venice, and it’s the sequel to Fool, and is set in Venice with characters from Othello and The Merchant of Venice.

Fool_US_sm

Chris, thank you again for responding to the interview request of some random internet guy with a blog. For those of you who want to learn more about his hilarious and suspenseful novels you can find them in bookstores and at every online e-book retailer. You can also visit him at www.chrismoore.com, and follow him on Facebook and Twitter. As always, please take a moment to hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below.

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

It’s The End of The World As We Know It…

Picture credit: AGU Blogosphere

In the immortal words of R.E.M. “It’s the end of the world as we know it…” but I don’t feel fine. While that is one of the all-time great songs, mostly because I used to accompany Bob’s band at his epic annual party (Bobfest) by playing the tambourine and singing the chorus, the end of the world is nothing to be trifled with.

I’m a big ‘wanna live forever’ kind of guy, so the possibility that Earth may soon be uninhabitable kind of puts a big crimp in my future plans. If you’re an anxious person, you may not want to keep reading.

Normally I would wait until Saturday to post something this epically prophetic, but if we only have so much time left, I wanted to get this news to you ASAP. I don’t mean to bring you down, but there has been some downright disturbing shit going on lately. I’m a puzzle guy. I like to put the little pieces together to form the big picture. I don’t like the picture that has fallen into place lately.

1. The Covid crisis. An illness sweeps the world and wipes out a quarter of the population? That seems like a bad omen to me.

2. Aliens reaching out to Earth: Just three weeks ago scientists discover an unknown object four million light years away sending electric signals at us. I wrote about it HERE. If aliens are on their way here, what if they’re not very nice?

Picture credit: Schitt’s Creek

3. The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening: According to the Mirror four days ago in England “Hundreds of birds plummeted from the sky and rained on traffic …” Then, according to CNN, yesterday in Mexico “Nearly 100 migratory birds were found after dropping mid-flight in Chihuahua, Mexico.” Click the CNN link if you want to see the disturbing video. Click HERE to watch the trailer for the Schitt’s Creek/ The Crows Have Eyes trailer. That is definitely much funnier.

4. The Russian situation: That’s not good. Come on Ruskies! First your ice skater is getting hepped up for competition on her grandpa’s heart meds and now you want to invade Ukraine? The world is already on edge about so many other things. How about you guys cool your jets for a year or two?

5. The Doomsday Clock: In case you didn’t know, there are some really depressing scientists who keep a “Doomsday clock” which sort of gauges the human races chance of exterminating ourselves.  If the clock strikes midnight, that means our last days are nigh. Three weeks ago they declared that the Doomsday clock was at 100 seconds until midnight. And they didn’t even know about the aliens and the birds!

OK Phil Factor folks, what are we going to do about this? I’d like to suggest that everyone try being nicer and more understanding to each other so we can get  through our days with our sanity intact. Unfortunately the 100 reads a day that my blog gets probably won’t save the world, so what do you think the human race should do to turn back that Doomsday Clock? How can we as writers turn the tide?

Phil

The Top Ten Rejected Candy Heart Sayings

Yes, I know it’s the day after Valentine’s Day, but I traditionally post this list and enjoy all the fun additional suggestions in the comments from readers. Feel free to add your ideas below and maybe they’ll make the list next year!

You know those chalky candy hearts that for the better part of a century have been shared on Valentine’s Day? They’re so cute with their little candy inscriptions of “I love you” or “Hugs” or other nonsense. I imagine though that there were some ideas that didn’t make it.

10. It’s not you, it’s me

9. Not a cold sore

8. Maybe Next Time

9d4c2a0dbdd9e271c4d21661b682ff36

7. Better late than never

6. It’s eczema. Yes, there.  I swear.

5. The Phil Factor

download-25

4. My last test was clean

3. You paying for dinner?

2. Almost divorced

images-17

1. It’s not yours!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! One of the things I’m in love with is comments. What are your funny ideas for rejected candy hearts sayings?

Have a great day, Valentine’s or otherwise! ~Phil

Angst Away! The Cure for that Valentine’s Stench

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s Angst Away! The body spray that covers up your pure hatred of Valentine’s Day! Can you smell it? A day after Valentine’s Day the smell of romantic angst everywhere will be starting to fade.

axe

Look, I don’t have all the answers in life. I’m just a boy, standing in front of a computer asking you to read my blog, which in my world equates to love. If I get that little “like” click or God forbid, (gasp), a comment, I suddenly turn into Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Yeah, how’d that work out for you Tom? (click the link to watch that cringey moment in all it’s glory)

Back to Valentine’s Day. Scrolling through my blog feed yesterday I saw/read more Valentine’s Day angst than I’ve ever seen. Some were trying to identify the perfect Valentine’s Day, some wanted to promote the even keel approach to showing love every day, and others decried the whole holiday as a giant societal “F-you” to anyone who doesn’t currently have a romantic partner.

My thought is this: Jeez, lighten up everybody. Valentine’s Day is not out to get you. It’s not out to tell you anything about your life. Do you get upset around Labor Day because other people work harder than you? Don’t be an idiot. Your perspective is like a telescope. You only see what you choose to aim it at.

Over the past decade most of American society was completely nuts for Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad, both very romantic shows. Well guess what? I don’t care. I’m sure they’re great TV shows, but they’re not a big deal for me. If people want to enjoy those shows, great for them. It’s fun to have something in common to talk about with others, but I don’t think I’m an incomplete person because I don’t watch them and I don’t stress if I missed the season finale.

Valentine’s Day should be treated the same way. If you don’t like it, change the channel, focus on something else. I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I’ve noticed a pattern. Valentine’s Day happens every year on February 14th, then it goes away, and guess what? You’re still here and so is everyone else. You’d better keep your guard up though because St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner and those happy Irish folks are also out to make you feel bad because you don’t have a shamrock tattooed on your ass. (I’m not saying I do or don’t. It might just be an example.)

Like I said, I don’t have all the answers. I have a blog and my perspective. You have your perspective too, and you can change it if you want. Have a great week and if you liked #ThePhilFactor show me a little love by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, reblog, or other share button below.

The Official Blog of The Super Bowl!

Because the National Football League has yet to issue a cease and desist order to me and because it’s funny I’m re-posting this classic that I wrote a few years ago. I also like it because it features a picture of me holding the Super Bowl trophy.   Enjoy and Happy Sunday!

See? The Phil Factor really is the Official Blog of The Super Bowl

(01/31/15) I’m not saying that The Phil Factor is The Official Blog of The #SuperBowl, and I’m not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that I want to get a cease and desist letter from the National Football League’s lawyers.

download (13)

For those of you not from the States, or from the U.S. but you just don’t care, this weekend is the championship game of the National Football League, otherwise known as the #SuperBowl. I’m hashtagging those words, linking to their site, and making a point of using the phrase ‘Super Bowl’ because the NFL (No Phil League) literally tries to sue anyone who uses the phrase “Super Bowl” without paying them millions of dollars to do so. (I’m putting the words Super Bowl in bold print on the off chance that they’ll be more noticeable when someone from the NFL is looking at the internet.) Some networks even prohibit their announcers from saying Super Bowl out of fear of being sued by the NFL. Comedian Steven Colbert has taken to calling it the Superb Owl.

images (18)

I call bullshit. I don’t care who you are or what entity you’ve created, no one gets to own words. When I’m elected President, or #SuperBowl MVP (Most Valuable Phil), whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating “No people or corporations can own words.” It’s a stupid idea that someone can own the right to the words #SuperBowl. I’m pretty sure that the words super and bowl were around long before American football. In fact, on Downton Abbey last week Mr. Carson was bringing soup to the Earl and Countess in this big, ornate dish and the Earl said, “Why Mr. Carson! That is the most super bowl I have ever laid my eyes upon!” Downton Abbey happened a hundred years ago, so there’s your proof that someone else used the phrase first.

DA2_05683_OP

What if I really do own a super bowl? You know, one of those cool ones with a picture at the bottom that you can’t see until you’ve eaten every drop. That is truly a super bowl. Or what about the people who invented the Perfect Bacon Bowl? That has got to be the superest of bowls. If there were a vote I’m pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl beats out football as the best kind of bowl. I’m also pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl people aren’t going to sue me for mentioning their product. In fact, they might even send me a free Bacon Bowl maker for mentioning it (hint, hint). Click on the video below. The song is a hilariously awesome and may sound more than a little like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.

I’m also sure that the folks in the legal marijuana states of Washington and Colorado  think their bowls are pretty Super too. Is the NFL going to sue anyone there who says to their smoking buddy “Man, this is one super bowl“?

I’m not afraid to say any word I want. And by the way National Football League, what in the hell makes you so arrogant to think that you have to police the world to make sure no one uses your phrase? I would like to hereby announce that I am legally forbidding anyone from referring to themselves as the official anything of #ThePhilFactor unless I declare it. There you go National Football League. I dare you to declare your #SuperBowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. You know what though? I’m not going to sue you if you do. They’re only words. If you think my blog is so awesome that you want to affiliate yourself with it, great, but it’s going to cost you. In fact, nevermind. The title is already taken. I’m officially declaring that the Perfect Bacon Bowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. And if the Perfect Bacon Bowl people wanted to buy advertising space in my sidebar I’m not opposed to that.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor, which is the #SuperBowl of blogs, please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great #SuperBowl weekend! ~Phil