10. Everyone from Norway looks like the picture above: Yes, I did a little research and it seems that Norwegians are overly fond of plaid. And jumping.
9. Norway Hates Walmart: Norway as a country is not in trillions of dollars of debt like the United States. Norway in fact has a s–tload of money and a few years ago it stopped investing in Walmart because Norway as a country thinks Walmart is a humongous jerk.
8. Norwegian Babies Get Too Much Parenting: In Norway fathers have 14 weeks of mandatory paternity leave when their child is born. In fact, Norwegians only reproduce just to get the time off from work.
7. There’s a town in Norway called Hell: I’m pretty sure it freezes over all the time. What do they say in place of that “Hell freezes over” joke?
6. There Are No Famous Norwegians: I looked up “famous Norwegians.” On the first list I found, three of the top 12 were two “YouTube stars”, one didn’t even have a picture, and a 15 year old blogger who has only been blogging since 2013. Amateur. I considered contacting her for an interview as a representative of Norway, but she writes her blog entirely in Norwegian! How is that going to help anyone? I tried to contact Norway’s most popular comedian, Espen Eckbo, but he’s either dead or can’t read my e-mails written in English.
5. Norwegians have funny names like Espen for example. I don’t know why they don’t name their kids something normal and cool like Pilot Inspektor or Fifi Trixibelle, or maybe North West.
4. In 2008 Norway knighted a penguin: Hey, if Donald Trump has a shot at being President, why can’t a penguin be a knight. It sounds like the conclusion to a Disney movie doesn’t it?
3. Norwegians are trying to fool everyone: Voss “artesian” bottled water is just tap water from Iveland, Norway.
2. Lutefisk is an aphrodisiac: The fish, native to Nordic waters, is believed to enhance the sex drive of both men and women. Unfortunately lutefisk has a disgusting gelatinous texture so no one eats it. If all the Norwegians ate lutefisk and reproduced correspondingly there would be enough Norwegians to take over every country in the world.
1. According to scientists the zombie apocalypse “most likely” to begin in Norway: Due to the constant permafrost, bodies buried in Norway don’t decompose, meaning that with the right conditions and after a good Spring thaw they’re ready to get up and go.
If anyone from Norway is reading this, say so in the comments and leave your email and I’ll interview you. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it with your favorite Norwegian by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
