Words With Phil

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I used to play words with friends until my buddy Alec and I got thrown off a plane for it. Recently my son got me back into it. I want to play multiple games but I don’t want to play with completely random strangers from the internet. I promise not to cheat with any apps. I’m not spectacular at it. I’m better than some and not as good as others.

If you want to play you can find me as The Phil Factor of course. Make sure to put the ‘The’ there or you’ll wind up with a cheating imposter.

Have a great Friday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

This is my Thanksgiving post from last year, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Instead of a numbered list I just did some free style word association and this is what came out of my head unfiltered.

(11/28/13) Some people sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and spew meaningless platitudes about what they are thankful for. Some even blog their meaningless platitudes. I wonder if there are platypus platitudes? I’m pretty sure platypuses, or is it platypi, are not thankful for their duck bills. All the other beavers must tease them terribly about that. Platypuses are from Australia, but the picture below is from Canada.com . That doesn’t surprise me. Platypuses seem like the kind of animal they’d have in Canada doesn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I love Canadians, but everything up there is just a little off. That’s why the platypi would fit right in. I have to say though, I’ve never met a Canadian I didn’t like. Or a platypus for that matter.

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Ok, so far I’m thankful for platypi and Canadians. Like I said,  no meaningless, redundant, obvious platitudes for me.  I’m going to come up with some brilliant stuff off the cuff right now. So sit back and get ready to be dazzled by my pithiness. No, I didn’t say ‘bedazzled’. I said “be dazzled”, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with bedazzling. Without it my wardrobe would lack pizzazz. I like the word pizzazz because it reminds me of pizza, which is what I think should really be served on Thanksgiving.  To be honest, I thought I was making up the word pithiness too, but when the spell-check didn’t flag it I was pleasantly surprised, but also disappointed that I couldn’t take credit for inventing a word.

Ok, moving on, so far off the top of my head I’m thankful for platypuses, Canada, the Bedazzler, and spell-check. Oh, and pizza. I’m always thankful for pizza.

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Trying to find pictures of men’s bedazzled jeans I also learned that Bedazzled was also a movie starring Brendan Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley. Who knew?

bedazzled movie

Lastly, I’d like to say that I am thankful for you, the people that read and like or comment on my blog and who read my books and give wonderful reviews on Amazon. Without your kindness my life would be missing something. Whether you’re from the United States or not, Happy Thanksgiving from me and all the staff here at #ThePhilFactor. If you’re not in the States have a Happy Thursday! Feel free to fill my comments with things you’re thankful for!

Wordless Wednesday

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Apparently there’s a magazine for everything. Who wants a subscription for Christmas?

Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

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themetapicture.com

With the American holiday of Thanksgiving upon us later this week it’s time to think about what we’re thankful for. Sure, it would be easy to say family, health, friends etc. That’s easy and obvious. Of course we’re all thankful for those things. I want to get to the other things we’re thankful for; the unusual, quirky little things that make our life bearable. Here’s my top ten for this year:

10. England: I’m half English, but having grown up in America I had no strong affiliation or identity with the homeland of my ancestors. This year, however, in anticipation of a work trip to London, I immersed myself in English culture the only way I knew how: by watching British TV shows on Netflix and Hulu. The British are very funny.

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9. Netflix and Hulu: Duh! How did you not see this coming? TV shows with few if any commercials? Best invention since TV shows with commercials.

8. Keurig: I can have a cup of coffee within 60 seconds of waking up? Yes please!

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7. Wi-Fi: When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will decree that free wi-fi be available everywhere. Everywhere. I will herd all the worlds wi-fi experts into a room and not let them out until they develop a plan to use satellites to create world-wide wi-fi.

6. The funny shaped neck pillows: It may seem odd and goofy, but I’m telling you, whether you have any neck issues or not, get one of these pillows. It will feel odd at first, but once you get used to them you’ll never go back to ordinary pillows,

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5. Amazon: The website, not the rainforest. I’m sure the Amazon rainforest is pretty cool and all, what with all that oxygen it produces. That’s just air. The rainforest isn’t going to deliver me whatever I want within 48 hours. I like Amazon so much I’ve tried to look up job opportunities with them. Oh, by the way, you can get my books in both paperback and e-book editions on Amazon.  (they’d make great Christmas or Hanukkah gifts)

4. Thanksgiving is only one day: Yes, I’m thankful Thanksgiving is only one day. Heck, I’d be ecstatic if it was only one hour. At least it doesn’t get a whole month. Thanksgiving is not that great of a holiday. If the main meal were pizza however, it would be my favorite holiday.

3. I don’t live in Buffalo, N.Y.: Buffalo got 7 feet, over 2 metres, of snow last week. It’s been on the news constantly. Hey everybody, guess what? You live in Buffalo! It snows a lot there. I’m pretty sure that fact isn’t a surprise to anyone. You don’t hear people who moved to the desert complaining about the heat do you? If you don’t like snow don’t live there!

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2. Wegmans: The world’s best supermarket. Native to western New York but slowly spreading. The picture above applies to both Buffalo and Wegmans. Look, I know some of you will say that your local supermarket is the best. Trust me on this. It’s not. You need a Wegmans. Where I live you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a Wegmans and that’s just the way we like it.

1. Blogging: Yes, this may seem corny and obvious, but I love the blogosphere. Through reading little slices of peoples lives I’ve traveled the world and learned things I might never have known. Thank you to all my blogging friends. I like some of you more than some people I know in real life. In 5 months my blog will be ten years old and I expect it’ll still be around ten years from now.

In the comments please add your unusual things that you’re thankful for. As always, if you enjoy what you read at #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Throwback Saturday? Love, Exciting and New…

I know I usually do my best, hopefully funniest, post on Saturday mornings and my Throwback Thursday post on, obviously, Thursdays. This week I switched it up because of my need to get my annual Sexiest Man Alive post out on Thursday when the People magazine issue hit the newstands. I do this because I have this crazy idea that somewhere out there at least one person likes my blog so much that they’ve followed me for years and would wake up on Thursday, see the Sexiest Man Alive announcement and say to themselves, “I must go to the internet to see what Phil has to say about this years Sexiest Man Alive!” If you are that one person, please leave me a comment and spell your name correctly and in it’s entirety so they can get it right on the restraining order.

If you’re new to The Phil Factor, my weekly Throwback Thursday post is a post from one year ago so you can see what I was making fun of then, and so I can get some ego-gratifying page views without having to write some thing new. If you are new, just know that I don’t usually do a lengthy intro like this for every post. I’m just explaining the change of schedule for the slower, more anxious people that are easily jarred by the unexpected. I know that’s not you of course. It’s the others.

Throwback Thursdays! Two Odd and Humorous Stories from the News

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itheedread.jexebel.com

(11/23/2013)   It’s a nice day for a white wedding, or is it? Chicks dig the bad boys right? In a Rolling Stone interview a twenty-five year old woman named Star, who has been visiting imprisoned murderous cult leader Charles Manson for the last six years, announced that she and Chuck are betrothed. Personally I’m glad they took their time and didn’t rush into anything.

In lieu of an engagement ring the woman carved an X into her forehead to match Charlie’s swastika. Hmmm…she didn’t go full swastika? That says ‘lack of commitment’ to me. I’d better warn Charlie that she isn’t all in with this relationship. Of course, Charlie might not be either. When asked to confirm her claim of engagement Manson replied, “Oh that. That’s a bunch of garbage. You know that, man. That’s trash. We’re just playing that up for public consumption.” In other words, Charlie said, “Bitches be crazy.” (this post is specifically relevant because this week it was announced that after a year engagement those two crazy kids finally tied the knot)

Next of Kin: A forty-five year old pilot in his single engine plane crashed at the Nashville airport on October 29th. Ok, that will happen occasionally. It’s tragic and sad for the pilot and his family. It’s especially sad for his family since he didn’t name them next of kin on his paperwork. Nope, he named Taylor Swift as his next of kin.

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No, he wasn’t related to Taylor and had never met her. In response to this news Taylor may have said, “Dudes be crazy.”  Or possibly, “No, I never dated him, but I’m sure I would have gotten to him eventually.

I don’t know if this guy was a crazy stalker or just had a sense of humor. I’m hoping it’s the latter. If I ever make a will or have to fill out life insurance paperwork, from now on I’m just going to pick some random celebrity out of a hat and name them as my next of kin and secondary beneficiary on my life insurance. That would spice up the funeral wouldn’t it? “Pssst! Hey, is that Kanye West looking at Phil’s coffin? Oh look on the program! He’s giving the eulogy. Wait, why is Taylor Swift with him? Are they together?”

On a related note: Remind me not to fly into the Nashville airport. The pilot who crashed had circled the airport for more than two hours without being noticed and his plane sat on the runway on fire for seven hours before anyone found it.

This was a little bit different of a Phil Factor, but I did do real Phil Factors on both Tuesday and Thursday of this week, so if you want some real laughs click these for my Top Ten Tuesday post and my Sexiest Man Alive post. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor  it would be great if you hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below. Have a great weekend!

People Magazine’s Sexiest Blogger Alive!

Yes, it was a small crumb of acknowledgement yesterday when People Magazine named me Sexiest Blogger Alive. I’ll take it, but I’m not happy about it. That’s like being named the second smartest Kardashian. I wanted the big award. I wanted Sexiest Man Alive, but again, People overlooked me for a far inferior candidate.

Chris Hemsworth?!!? Are you kidding me People Magazine? I’m not even sure if he’s Captain America, Thor or The Hunger Games! And he’s Australian! Australia has their own People Magazine and they didn’t name him their Sexiest Man Alive. If he can’t win an award in his own country then why should we give him our awards? If he was any good at acting shouldn’t Kangaroo Barbecue Magazine named him Sexiest Bloke in The Outback or some such nonsense?

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aceshowbiz.com

That’s it. That’s the best picture of Chris Hemsworth that I could find on the internet. There weren’t really that many to be honest with you. Kinda makes me wonder how popular this guy really is. There’s also one more thing I wonder about him. In his family there are three brothers: Liam, Luke, and Chris. Do you see a problem there? I do. His brothers names both start with the letter L. Chris’ name does not. It very clearly starts with the letter C. Suspicious don’t you think?

All the other sibling names start the same, but his is different, making me think that he might be different; perhaps adopted and already had the name so they didn’t change it. If he’s adopted, that means he could  be the son of anyone in the world, including Osama Bin Laden. Or worse yet, he might be a Bieber, Lohan or Kardashian! Maybe his name is really Kris Kardashian.

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This is what the People Magazine cover should have looked like.  I could have and would have volunteered to write my own profile for them. Did Chris do that? I doubt it. In fact we have no proof that he can write. Have you read his blog or any of his books? Of course not! He doesn’t have any blogs or books. He’s a total illiterate as far as I can tell!

So People named an illiterate, girl haired, possible son of Bin Laden their Sexiest Man Alive over me. This is wrong in so many ways. Excuse me, I think I need a moment. If you didn’t click on the links for Sexiest Blogger Alive and Kangaroo Barbecue Magazine you probably should.

As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share (with People Magazine) by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Wordless Wednesday

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This is going on about 30 miles to the west of me. Five feet, almost two metres! Wasn’t it just summer a few minutes ago? Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil