Throwback Thursdays! Groundhog Day

In case you didn’t know, it’s Groundhog’s Day this Sunday. Who doesn’t love this movie?  Especially since Bill Murray’s character was named Phil. Coincidence? I think not. This post was originally written for #ThePhilFactor on Feb. 2, 2006.

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(Feb. 2, 2006) Last week I waxed philosophic about the idiocy known as The Dr. Phil Show. This week, and today in particular it’s Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day the movie: Good idea. Groundhog Day the tradition: Stupid idea. The dimwitted people of Punxsatawney, Pennsylvannia have been shoving a rodent through a hole in a tree stump for almost 200 hundred years to find out if there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Hey morons, you live in the Northeast! There’s always 6 more weeks of winter! Check the calendar! It says that Spring starts on March 21st. That’s 7 weeks from now. You don’t need a rat being spooked by his shadow to figure this one out. At this point I’m getting tired of all these wanna-be Phil’s trying to horn in on my fame. If, coincidentally, a shot were to ring out in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania today and a certain rodent were to explode in a puff of fur, I was kidding when I wrote this. No harm meant, just a joke. You’ll all be my alibi right?

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I’m curious, for those of you from other countries, do you have a Groundhog Day? Speaking of Bill Murray, they announced that they’re making a new Ghostbusters movie with an all female cast including Melissa McCarthy and Kristin Wiig.  What do you think about that idea? I’m betting Bill Murray makes a cameo and I hope they keep the original song.  As always, if you enjoyed this vintage Phil Factor feel free to share it via the social media buttons below. Come back Saturday for a brand new Phil Factor. Have a great Thursday!  ~Phil

Wordless Wednesday: The Gates of…


Couldn’t you just imagine something sinister behind gates like that?

Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Top Ten Amish Facebook Status Updates

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I did it. I snuck on to the secret Amish internet and hacked into their version of Facebook. Here are some of the status updates I found:

10. Saw the English taking pictures of me. Holding my pitchfork I gave them the “my eyes are on you” sign. They handed me money. I think the father wet his pants.  ~ Jedediah Gruber

9. Just charged an English $240 for a pair of “authentic Amish” Adirondack chairs that I bought at Walmart for $29. Morons.  ~ Samuel Fisher

8. Jacob L. has the biggest “beard” I’ve ever seen. ~Miriam Zimmerman

7. I put a “Gluten Free” sign out on my farm stand today. Sold twice as many pumpkins. The English will buy anything that says gluten free. WTF is gluten? ~ Matthew Beiler

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6. Two Mennonites walk into a bar. No they didn’t. They drove themselves there! LOL! ~ Abram Schwartz

5. I’m exhausted. I’ve been dying eggs brown to sell to the English all morning. BTW, Grade AA extra large eggs are just 99 cents a dozen at Costco. ~Sarah Jane Smith

6. Martin Zook is in the fields with Dravin Hilty and two others.

5. Isaac Miller shared Phil Taylor, Author’s post Top Ten Tuesday! Top Ten Amish Facebook Status Updates. Ha Ha! You guys have to read this. The English are complete assholes. At least this one is.

4. Hey everybody, I think the English are closing in on figuring out that we have our own internet. I bet we can sell them the idea that hay has gigabytes in it. ~ John Hershberger

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3. Hey everybody! Come read my blog where I make fun of the English and their weird obsession with quilts.  ~ Hannah King

2. Michael Zimmerman is in the barn with Levi the blacksmith and two others. Feeling melancholy :~)

1. Oh my God it is such a relief to get in the house and take this stupid fake beard off. ~ Joseph Stolzfus

BTW, if you were wondering why I used the phrase “the English” several times, it’s because that’s how the Amish refer to the rest of us, as if we’re all the same. The nerve of them! If you think your Amish friends would enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog buttons below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

A POLL! Just answer one question…


To cast or not to cast, that is the question! An author, Robert Chazz Chute, whom I interviewed once is a huge fan of podcasts as a medium to promote oneself as an author. Yesterday I came across the Marc Maron Show on Netflix and it’s based on a comedian and his podcast. (if you’re interested, check out his show. It’s odd and quirky but funny.) Clearly, podcasts are a “thing.” But is it a thing I should do? Or, should I do a Vlog? A video blog? Would my blog be more appealing if my Saturday Phil Factor was me ranting in front of the camera?  I’m looking for opinions. Please take the poll and if you have a few seconds offer your opinions in the comments about why you voted how you did.

Thanks for your opinions everybody! Have a great Sunday! ~Phil

A Lot of Talk About Balls

For a couple days this week the world’s leading story was about balls. No, they haven’t found a cure for testicular cancer. Everyone, at least in the U.S., was talking about American footballs.  Hashtags such at #Deflategate and #shrinkage were both world leaders this week. I thought to myself, “Well if everyone is talking about balls I can write about it and make some sophisticated high brow jokes on the subject.

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When I went to find some funny pictures on the subject I typed the topic “football funny” into the Google Images search box and Google showed me a page full of pictures of European people and South American people and African people and Middle Eastern people and Australian people  kicking around this round, black and white checkered ball. It seems that some of those people that live in other countries play a game called football but they use a different ball! Color me intrigued, I thought to myself. Ok, no I didn’t. And please shoot me if you ever hear my say “Color me…” anything. Who says that? European football players I bet.

Upon making this mind blowing discovery I was incensed. Furious. Up in arms. How dare these foreigners steal the name of our game and use it for a game that seems to require only sissies in shorts play it? Don’t they know we’re the United States? We’ve been a country for over 300 years! We’ve been playing American football for 75 years now and these other countries think they can just steal our idea and warp it to fit their weird foreign standards!

I’d better let the government know about this! They might want to go bomb all these countries that stole our idea! Typical. We Americans come up with a great idea and the rest of the world steals it and acts like they thought of it. For instance, as I did research for this eye opening Phil Factor I discovered that England stole our idea of democracy and created some kind of parliamentary system for their government.

Ok, I’ve got to fess up here. I got nothing else. I had a really busy week and all week long my mind couldn’t settle on anything for my Saturday Phil Factor. This is the one that I usually put a little more time and thought into because I imagine people getting up, making a cup of coffee and watching the news and maybe doing a little Facebook or blog reading. I do have an idea though about the power of the hashtag to raise awareness, but of what I don’t yet know. Anyway, have a great Saturday. ~Phil

TBT: You Down with EBB? (Everything BUT Bieber)

(First posted 1/25/2014) Hey everybody, guess what? Other stuff happened in the world this week besides #JustinBieber’s arrest. No, seriously, the rest of the world kept going and did their own thing. I know, shocking, right? It’s probably also a shock to the Biebs that the world didn’t stop for him.

President Obama Endorses Marijuana?


In what I consider a colossal lack of good judgement, President Barack Obama seemed to support the legalization of recreational marijuana. “I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol,” the President told The New Yorker’s David Remnick in a lengthy profile published on Sunday. President Obama went on to admit openly to his use when he was younger and said that it’s “a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life”.

Idiot! I’m not saying whether I agree or disagree with him. I am saying that he just undermined himself as a parent and undermined law enforcement and judges across the nation. Good luck trying to ground your daughters for smoking pot in the West Wing now.

The Stoner Bowl

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Seattle and Denver will play in the Super Bowl next Sunday. The largest cities in the two states that have legalized recreational marijuana use.  Thank God the game isn’t being played in either one of those states. Can you imagine the enormous cloud of pot smoke over that stadium? I’m pretty sure that if somebody were to measure the Dorito consumption rates by state next Sunday those two would lead the survey by a mile. In Denver I guess the legalization gives new meaning to the phrase “Mile High City.”

Facebook is for “Old” People


Above the picture I put the word ‘old’ in quotes to make it seem like the old part is being exaggerated by all these news articles saying that kids are leaving Facebook because it’s too full of their parents and their parents friends and relatives.  Of course the kids are leaving Facebook! Every parent I know of demands that their kid “friend” them on Facebook or let them have their password so they can spy on them. Guess what adults who don’t want the NSA reading your texts and e-mails? Yup, you’ve become the NSA to your kids. Jeez! If anyone was that intrusive into any part of our lives we would hide from them too. If you’ve got Facebook stock I recommend selling immediately because the next generation is going to grow up not using Facebook much. Where are the kids going?  Well, don’t tell them I told you, but I’ve been doing some spying and the cool kids are hanging out on Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram. Instagram is starting to get a lot of “old” people creeping in there too, so the kids are probably moving on. BTW, if you’re the parent of a teenager, they’re using Snapchat to send naked pictures to each other, so get that app off their phone, although I’m sure Barack Obama would say it’s ok.

In the links in the previous paragraph please click on the NSA. It’s really their site and I’m sure they love when I link my blog to it. Also, the Twitter link takes you to my Twitter, so feel free to follow me. If you’re not familiar with Snapchat, the link is to an article about it.

As always, you know that sharing is caring, so if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or other social media button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Wordless Wednesday: The Change of Seasons

I posed for this. Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil