Wordless Wednesday! Street Art

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This is an incredible new mural painted recently in my city by Australian artist Vexta. She gets a super hero name and travels the world painting stuff like this. How cool is that? Photo by Jason Wilder. I could have taken my own picture with my cell phone, but honestly, I’m terrible at taking good pictures. Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets

hipster-beethoven-before-twitter

These aren’t the ten funniest tweets I’ve ever read, but they are the ten funniest recent tweets I’m willing to put on my blog. Also, when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, I’m going to pass a law that if you choose a Twitter name you have to keep it as your legal name forever.

10.  @droidbears:  flight attendant: Sir, are you raising your hand?

                                     me: How do i access the wifi?

                                     FA: I’m doing safety announcements

                                     me: Is that lowercase?

9. @sixfootcandy: I started using extra sensitive toothpaste and now I can’t stop crying.

8. @theCatWhisperer: I get way to many American Eagle emails for someone who graduated from college 15 years ago.

7. @djdarrellripley:  Him: Ok now, remember, whatever is in this suitcase, we split in two.

Me: What if it’s a kitten?

colourbox.com

colourbox.com

6. @sarcasticmommy4: Kids are the reason they invented the 24 hour psychiatric hold.

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5. @thatUPSdude:  Judge: Before I sentence you to death do you have any last words?

  Me: He was wearing crocs with socks.

   Judge: Bailiff set this man free!

4. @inkedzombie: My savings account is really just a Crown Royal bag full of change.

Crown-Royal-Bag

3. @TheMichaelRock:  Me: I don’t even like peanut butter on tortilla shells.

Alcohol: Yes you do.

2. @In_Twittaland:  1% battery…

Because I like to live on the

sock-puppet-1

1.  @Dawn_M_: Old enough to know my sock puppet isn’t real, young enough to still kill drifters at his command.

That last tweet is why I love Twitter so much.  If you haven’t signed up for Twitter yet, by all means do so and follow me @ThePhilFactor and I’ll follow you back. If you’re not sure how to “do Twitter”, read this handy little guide I wrote a while ago. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Music Monday! Sum 41 and DMC

This was a fun moment I got to see live last week at the Alt Press Music Awards when Daryl McDaniel, aka DMC of Run DMC joined Canadian pop-punk band Sum 41 on stage for Fat Lip.

Have a great Monday! ~Phil

Are You A Vapist?

mrlongdrag.com

mrlongdrag.com

Yaaa! Vaping’s going to save all the smokers! No more lung cancer! Vaping isn’t addictive! You know what? Some of those beliefs are true and some are not, and some are as cloudy as the exhale of an e-cig smoker.

If “smoking” an e-cigarette, or rather an e-cig/mod type device is referred to as vaping, then a person who does it must be vapist, right?  For all future discussion on the subject, that’s what we’ll call them. What they exhale is less toxic than regular lit on fire cigarettes but is no less offensive. Think about it. If a vapist inhales and then exhales the vapor, on the way out it contains tiny, airborne droplets  of their saliva, mucus, and whatever disease they may be carrying. It’s just like spitting on someone. A little known fact is that the plague of the 1300’s that wiped out half of Europe was not, as people believe, carried by rats, but by vapists. Same thing really though.

...SAID NO ONE EVER

…SAID NO ONE EVER

Am I being too harsh on vapists here? Sure, maybe, but I don’t see a huge difference between smoking and vaping. Vapists say e-cigs are safer than smoking. Great, more vapists will live longer. There goes the Darwinism/natural selection effect of regular cigarettes.

Yes, you don’t get the toxins from the combustion of burning something, but guess what? Vaping is essentially freebasing nicotine. Freebasing first became popular in the 1980’s when cocaine addicts, probably out of their minds on cocaine, wanted to find a faster way to get the cocaine to their brain. Yaaa! Now smokers can get the addictive substance absorbed faster, meaning that e-cigs are more addicting! One of the vaping articles I read said, “…when you take a hit…” Take a hit? That’s a drug term isn’t it?

weheartit.com

weheartit.com

Seriously smokers, do you really think this whole vaping thing is a health trend? With cigarettes being practically taxed through the roof and outlawed anywhere but in your own basement, the traditional cigarette market is being killed off, so someone, probably a recovering cocaine addict who still smoked, invented vaping. Now smokers are being vaped out of their money just as effectively. It’s uber-addicting and once you get started you keep coming back for more.

Lastly, I’d like to make fun of a type. A type? Yes, a type of vapist. Ponytail guy who vapes. Ugh. Ponytail guy is the worst isn’t he? Even if he’s not a vapist, ponytail guy is making some sort of statement with that hair, and it’s never good is it? Then you throw in vaping and ponytail guy trying to convince you that it’s cool, healthier than smoking and a fun hobby and well, who wants to be around that? That’s almost as annoying as the home brew guys who make their own beer and trap you at a party or bar and spend an hour telling you about different kinds of beer.

I’m sure that this post is going to make some people mad and I’m also sure there are some wonderful people who are vapists, (I think the Pope is a vapist) but it’s not my thing, and so I make fun of it. If you are a vapist, have one in your life, or just like sharing sarcasm far and wide feel free to share #ThePhilFactor by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

 

TBT! It’s a Bieber World After All

(Originaly posted 7/26/14) Wow. That is one pretty girl next to wheelchair-bound Justin Bieber!  Turns out it is a Bieber world after all and we’re just living in it. If you just got a panicked feeling and shouted “What? Justin’s in a wheelchair?” then you must be a Belieber.  And why wouldn’t you be?

BieberWheelchairPhil

The Biebs again proved how awesome he is by using Disneyland’s policy of allowing those in wheelchairs to go to the front of the line of rides and attractions. He claims he “tweaked” his knee playing basketball.  So in spite of his great pain and suffering, the benevolent Bieber allowed his handlers to wheel him past families and children in hours-long lines so they could get a good look at their hero. Seriously, how many celebrities take the time to do that for their fans. I was so impressed that I decided to write a song about him.

When Bieber Jumped the Queues (sing to the tune of Janis Joplin’s Me and Bobby McGee click link for video

Busted flat in Disneyland, waiting for a train
And I’m feeling jaded and mean.
Bieber thumbed a wheelchair down just before it rained,
And rode it all the way to the front of the lane.I pulled my hair from my head and said “That took no time!”,
I was fuming soft while Bieber jumped the queues.
Biebers handlers slapping fans, I was holding Bieber’s picture in mine,
We sang every song that Bieber knew.Bieber’s just another nerd turned into a kid who drinks the booze,
Nothing he does, nothing’s funny if it ain’t Bieber, now now.
And feeling good was easy, when Bieber jumped the queues,
You know feeling good was good enough for me,
Good enough for me and my Bieber, baby.
From the Canadian sticks to the California sun,
Hey, Bieber shared the secrets of my soul.
Through all kinds of weather, through everything that we done,
Hey Bieber baby kept me from acting old.
Ok, that was awful, but the main reason for this whole post was just to put that picture there. If you’re not from the States and don’t know the song, I apologize.  The phrase ‘Me and Bieber McGee’ has been stuck in my head since Thursday. What I really need is my friend Marissa Bergen, who is both brilliantly poetic and musical to take the idea and make a music video  like she did with a parody of Radiohead’s Creep. Have a great Saturday! Please don’t share this. It’s just terrible. ~Phil

Wordless Wednesday! Wall Therapy

photo courtesy of facebook.com/walltherapyny

photo courtesy of facebook.com/walltherapyny

One of the new murals brightening my city as part of the 2015 Wall Therapy mural festival. Also, follow me on Twitter this afternoon and tomorrow to watch my live Periscope videos from The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this afternoon and the Alternative Press Music Awards tonight! Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons I Won’t Date Taylor Swift

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I won’t. I won’t do it. No matter how much she begs or how many songs she writes, I won’t date Taylor Swift. Here’s why:

10. If Taylor Swift married me and took my name, her name would be Taylor Taylor and that’s just ridiculous. But, if she took my first name as her married surname, her name would be Taylor Phil. I might consider letting her do that. It would be great fun at party introductions. “Hi, I’m Phil Taylor and this is my wife Taylor Phil.”

9. If she and I broke up with each other she’d write songs about it and I’d write blogs about it. Does the world really need that?

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8. The relationship would never work. She’d be jealous and insecure about my success. It would probably destroy her.

7. Mrs. Phil would probably kick both our asses , resulting in a lengthy and highly public trial, and I can’t go through that again.

6. Because of their well publicized feud over me, if I dated Taylor Swift I’d never get a shot with Katy Perry. (pause) Or would I?

Taylor & Katy in better times before they began fighting over me

Taylor & Katy in better times before they began fighting over me

5. She’s too tall. At 5’11’, she’s taller than me, and well… there’s all sorts of ways that would be awkward. Like at red carpet events for instance: “Hi Taylor. Melissa Rivers here from E! network. Oh wait, stop the camera. Why is your chauffeur still with you?”

4. I don’t want to get stuck supporting that one hit wonder in her old age when she’s lost her marginal good looks and blown all the money she made from that one song that did ok.

3. She’s attractive and all, but she’s no Kylie Minogue. (A little blatant pandering to my U.K. and Australian friends who’ve read this far. If you did, give me a quick shout out in the comments so I know that reference wasn’t in vain)

Kylie dailytelegraph.com.au

Kylie     dailytelegraph.com.au

2.   I’m a pretty forgiving guy, but not once has Taylor’s agent called me and asked if she could be interviewed on #ThePhilFactor. I don’t pursue. I’m the pursued.

1. Taylor may be able to rhyme some catchy lyrics, but from what I’ve heard she’s a snooze when it comes to conversation. Apparently Taylor isn’t all that swift.

As always, feel free to share with your favorite Taylor Swift fan by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday! And don’t forget, I’ll be Periscoping live from the Alt Press Music Awards tomorrow night. Get the Periscope app and follow me on Twitter and Periscope @ThePhilFactor.