I think that if I get any more followers for my blog and my Facebook author page I’m going to have to have my own cologne. As idiotic and unbelievable as it may seem all the colognes and perfumes on this list are real. I’d love it if you add your comments or humorous tag lines for them in the comments section.
Justin Bieber: I imagine that Justin Beiber smells a lot like pot smoke and monkeys. On one of the pages promoting his perfumes the description says “Designer Justin Bieber…” Designer? Really? The only thing he’s designed lately is the downfall of a promising pop music career. He has 6 perfumes for women. Well, maybe not women. I think he’s catering to the Hello Kitty crowd. The way he’s been acting the last 18 months you’d think he’s promoting a fragrance called Someone Should Punch Me.
Donald Trump: The American billionaire tycoon has both cologne and perfume so apparently he’s finally out of the closet with his bisexuality. That’s cool Don. We don’t judge. Supposedly it has “notes of mint, cucumber and basil.” That doesn’t sound like perfume, it sounds like a salad, as if The Donald wants his tossed. If he had a cologne that smelled like actual money? That would be the world’s best aphrodisiac. Donald I know you’re reading this and my blog is copyrighted. You’re going to have to buy that idea from me.
David Beckham and Derek Jeter: There are many, many more athlete inspired fragrances but I chose these two names because you’d know them. A perfume or cologne based on an athlete? No thanks, I can produce my own sweat.
Lady GaGa: Ugh. Just ugh.
Britney Spears: Of course she has her own perfume. It’s called Circus Fantasy. Brilliant. Who doesn’t want to smell like carnies and elephant dung? But it’s not just Circus. It’s Circus Fantasy. Who hasn’t fantasized about a romantic rendezvous at the circus? Maybe in a clown car.
Neil Gaiman: Although he is wildly popular, the fact that a middle-aged, British author who doesn’t write romance novels has his own fragrance, shows you the difference in humor between America and England. His fragrance, Neil Gaiman’s Lemon-Scented Sticky Bat was actually based on a blog post he wrote in 2007 .
Hmmm….a blog post that spawned a perfume? I wonder what The Phil Factor cologne. would smell like? Imagine the ads…The Phil Factor, for when you want the smell of sarcasm with subtle notes of chlorine, coffee and red wine. Just so you know that I’m not completely without a soul, I toyed with but ultimately chose to leave out jokes about Rhianna and Michael Schumacher’s fragrances. Also, thank you to my friend Karen for suggesting the idea for this post.
As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. And please share your ideas and jokes by leaving a comment. Have a great weekend! ~Phil
Justin Beiber: Because seeing him isn’t nauseating enough
Britney Spears: Crazy you can smell
Donald Trump: Some guy mixed this cologne for me, then I fired him
But the possibilities don’t end there. Think why R. Kelly will never have his own cologne. Think of teaming up with your namesake Phil ‘The Animal’ Taylor for that fresh from the stage smell. But whatever you do, don’t think Kim and Kanye or we will both end up kicked off WP for sure!
I think you just wrote a whole other blog post yourself!
Yup, sorry bout that!
Never apologize for comments. The longer the better. I love it.