Tag Archives: Donald Trump

Worst Superhero Ever

To fanfare that existed only in his mind, former President Donald Trump released his own limited edition NFT’s this past week. NFT’s mean Non-Fungible Token. It’s basically a picture, artwork, or collectible item made into a digital image and has a limit on how many people can own it. It’s a ridiculous notion when you can find the pictures online everywhere. Yes, they say Trump’s NFT’s “sold out”, but who knows how many were actually licensed and sold and to whom. I’d be curious to know if the Trump Corporation has a line in their ledger book that now says “NFT’s—$4m”.

Although I sometimes talk as if I’m an expert on everything, in a few areas I do know some things about some things. I have a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology.  (No, I didn’t get my PhD, and that’s the biggest regret in my life.) One thing that I did study intensely in grad school was narcissism. I did a couple kick-ass papers on  narcissism and I think I have a pretty good grip on the diagnostic meaning.

I don’t want this to be a political piece. I don’t care what political party anyone is a part of as long as they have the best interests of the American people and the world at the core of their motivation to run for office.

According to theravive.com and the American Psychiatric Association these are the qualifying symptoms of a Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):

“The definition of NPD states that it comprises of a persistent manner of grandiosity, a continuous desire for admiration, along with a lack of empathy. It starts by early adulthood and occurs in a range of situations, as signified by the existence of any 5 of the next 9 standards (American Psychiatric Association, 2013):

  • A grandiose logic of self-importance
  • A fixation with fantasies of infinite success, control, brilliance, beauty, or idyllic love
  • A credence that he or she is extraordinary and exceptional and can only be understood by, or should connect with, other extraordinary or important people or institutions
  • A desire for unwarranted admiration
  • A sense of entitlement
  • Interpersonally oppressive behavior
  • No form of empathy
  • Resentment of others or a conviction that others are resentful of him or her
  • A display of egotistical and conceited behaviors or attitudes”

Do any of those symptoms fit someone that we’re familiar with? One thing I learned about Narcissistic Personality Disorder is that the narcissist is looking for a ‘perfect mirror’. He or she wants to be surrounded by people who confirm what the narcissist wants to believe about themselves. Hmm.., what do these pictures tell us about how Donald Trump wants to be seen? He wants to be seen as a hero doesn’t he? Whether it was the crowd that attended his rally before storming to capitol or the sycophants who purchased these cartoon pictures of Trump, they reinforced his delusional beliefs. He actually sees himself as the larger than life heroes that he hired someone to create.

By the standards of the American Psychiatric Association, he has a mental illness. Having a mental illness however doesn’t disqualify a person from being an excellent public servant, but an untreated mental illness rarely resolves on it’s own and usually gets progressively worse. If Donald Trump is truly as awesome as the fictional heroes that he imagines  himself to be, great, let him run the country. If he is a mentally ill person that refuses treatment, then get him a psychiatrist before he gets worse.

Sorry for the serious topic. I thought some might find it interesting. Thanks for reading. ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! My Text Fight With Donald Trump

(December 17, 2016) Me and the Donald are going to have words. Well, maybe not words. Maybe just text abbreviations and emojis. In 2006, Congress passed the Warning, Alert, and Network Response act which allows every cell phone in the United States to get a text message warning of one of three types: A) Amber alerts when a child is missing and/or presumed kidnapped, B) Alerts involving imminent threats to safety or life. or C) Alerts issued by the President.

Yes, that’s right. The man who once tweeted:

images-6

and also tweeted:

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Yes, that man will be able to text us all. The man is an artiste, is he not? He has a gift for language and I for one can’t wait to receive texts from him on a daily basis. Here’s how I imagine our first text conversation will go:

(As you read this imagine Donald Trumps voice)

From President Donald Trump: All Americans, there is an imminent danger that I am compelled to warn you about. Please disregard a little known blog called #ThePhilFactor. The content provided there about me is incorrect and Phil is a stupid jerk.

Phil: Hey Donald! What’s up? What’s your beef with me?

From President Donald J. Trump: Of course I knew you’d respond. Ur a self-serving attention whore who will do and say anything to get people to like u.

donald-trump-ff893430-d91c-4eab-a271-ebbb259dbac9

Phil: Donald, umm…. did you listen to your campaign?

From President Donald J. Trump: Look, u and I both know I can’t deliver on any of the ridiculous things I said during the campaign, but the rest of those losers, the Ma & Pa Kettles of middle America are dumb as rocks. We’d be better off if I put a wall up around them. It would be easy. We could probably trap them all in the Walmart on a Saturday afternoon.

Phil: So now you want to keep the Americans out of America?

From President Donald Trump: Yes. Absolutely. Look what they’ve done to the country. If Americans and immigrants hadn’t ruined this country, we wouldn’t have to make it great again!

Phil: Isn’t your wife an immigrant? She’s from Slovenia right?

melania-trump-refused-to-make-joint-tv-appearance-with-donald-after-video-leak-report-5754

From President Donald Trump: Oh u think ur so funny don’t you? U and Saturday Night Live think ur so funny when you mock me. Neither of u are funny or relevant any more.

Phil: Saturday Night Live? The American institution that’s been on TV since 1977 and has mocked every President since Gerald Ford? Not funny?

Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump

Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump

From President Donald Trump: Yes, all comedians who make a mockery of the political process should be banned.

Phil: Did you say comedians or Canadians?

From President Donald Trump: Both. Most comedians are Canadians and they’re both foreigners. We should ban them all from our great country of North America.

Phil: The country of North America?

From President Donald Trump: Yes. Part of making America great again is making it bigger. We should have all of America. North and South America should all be ours so we can be bigger than Russia & China.

Phil: You do realize that this is a group text to the whole country, right?

From President Donald Trump: Shut up Phil. Bloggers. Bloggers too. I’m going to put a wall around all of you. I have to go. Me and Putin have a couples massage at 1:00 😉

Tell me, does that conversation seem far fetched at all? Having the ability to text everyone at once is pretty cool though. I think it would also be great for my blog. I could text all of you to let you know when I post, and after you read you could text me your comments. So from today forward, please leave your cell number in the comments section so I can start compiling a group text for us.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

 

Shitty Lettuce Starts World War 3

MSN.com

Last week the entire population of the United States, except me, was thrown into a nutritional panic when the Centers For Disease Control sent out a dire warning about ALL Romaine lettuce being contaminated by E. Coli, or in other words,  poop.

The current President of the United States, confused about the origin of Romaine lettuce, declared war on Romania tweeting, “If THE Romanians think THEY can bring the GREAT United States to their knees by pooping on our lettuce they have ANOTHER thing coming! Fake news! Covfefe! I hereby declare war on Romania!” 

Daily Kos

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “Although Romaine lettuce doesn’t specifically or directly come from Romania, (then she rolled her eyes and sighed heavily) the President has decided to take no chances in his efforts to protect the American people from (using finger quotes)biology warfare.”

According to reports from the White House, Donald Trump has mobilized troops to the border of Romania. Trumps attempted invasion of Romania was stymied when U.S. troops discovered that Romania has put up a wall to keep foreigners out. The irony was lost on Trump who immediately accused the Romanians of stealing his idea.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

280 Characters? For Donald Trump?!!? Yikes!

Yes, Twitter has gone and done it this time. Donald Trump brought us to the brink of a nuclear war with North Korea using only 140 characters. What he might do with 280 is mind boggling. If you’re a little confused, here’s what I’m talking about: Since it’s creation in 2006 Twitter has limited users tweets to 140 characters or less. About two weeks ago Twitter began allowing users to use up to 280 characters.

Over the years Donald has had some really interesting tweets. I wonder how they might be different if he could have said twice as much. Let’s look at a few, shall we?

with 140 more characters Trump would go on to say: Robert you can do much better than her. Like me for instance. I’m rich and handsome. Mostly rich.

with more characters he would have likely gone on to say: But the election, that’s your fault. Well, not really your fault. Mostly the Russians, but I’m in now and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sad!

Given more leeway Trump would add: I’m your new God now. All bow down to me! The Bible said Jesus was the savior. Fake news!

Some of Donald Trumps tweets to Eminem after he got elected:

If Donald could have expanded his rapping repertoire he might have also said: Don’t look back cuz my hair is whack. I’m your new Prez now and my face is orange you’re a washed up rapper who…shit, nothing rhymes with orange. Covfefe! 

With more characters available he later went back and edited the tweet to say: I don’t understand irony. My grandparents weren’t immigrants because they bought Manhattan and gave it to me. 

Not too French? Apparently Donald isn’t overly familiar with our neighbors to the North. With more characters he might have gone on to say: If I had to kiss a foreign leader it would be him. Reminds me of Robert Pattinson. 

I could do this all day. Before you go, would you mind voting in one more election? My Time To Lie book cover is up for AllAuthor.com’s Cover of The Month. I really, really need all the votes I can get to move into the top three. If you have a few seconds I’d appreciate your vote. Click THIS LINK to vote. If I win, I promise not to tweet any crazy things.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Wordless Wednesday! Staring at The Sun

Donald Trump staring at the eclipse without glasses.

Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

Friday Poll! United Airlines vs. Donald Trump

It occurred to me that both United Airlines and Donald Trump are taking a beating in their popularity ratings so far this year. But who has had it worse when it comes to public opinion? Your vote will decide what I make fun of tomorrow.

Have a great Friday! ~Phil

My Text Fight With Donald Trump

donald_trump_8566730507_2-1476208636-9021

Me and the Donald are going to have words. Well, maybe not words. Maybe just text abbreviations and emojis. In 2006, Congress passed the Warning, Alert, and Network Response act which allows every cell phone in the United States to get a text message warning of one of three types: A) Amber alerts when a child is missing and/or presumed kidnapped, B) Alerts involving imminent threats to safety or life. or C) Alerts issued by the President.

Yes, that’s right. The man who once tweeted:

images-6

and also tweeted:

02716adb937681c19d6359019618c3b7%2f565x0xwidth%2f75%2fhttp%2fblog-uloop-com%2fuloop%2fr305%2fjpg%2fwp-content%2fuploads%2f2015%2f11%2fdonald-trump-better-5-450x237

Yes, that man will be able to text us all. The man is an artiste, is he not? He has a gift for language and I for one can’t wait to receive texts from him on a daily basis. Here’s how I imagine our first text conversation will go:

(As you read this imagine Donald Trumps voice)

From President Donald Trump: All Americans, there is an imminent danger that I am compelled to warn you about. Please disregard a little known blog called #ThePhilFactor. The content provided there about me is incorrect and Phil is a stupid jerk.

Phil: Hey Donald! What’s up? What’s your beef with me?

From President Donald J. Trump: Of course I knew you’d respond. Ur a self-serving attention whore who will do and say anything to get people to like u.

donald-trump-ff893430-d91c-4eab-a271-ebbb259dbac9

Phil: Donald, umm…. did you listen to your campaign?

From President Donald J. Trump: Look, u and I both know I can’t deliver on any of the ridiculous things I said during the campaign, but the rest of those losers, the Ma & Pa Kettles of middle America are dumb as rocks. We’d be better off if I put a wall up around them. It would be easy. We could probably trap them all in the Walmart on a Saturday afternoon.

Phil: So now you want to keep the Americans out of America?

From President Donald Trump: Yes. Absolutely. Look what they’ve done to the country. If Americans and immigrants hadn’t ruined this country, we wouldn’t have to make it great again!

Phil: Isn’t your wife an immigrant? She’s from Slovenia right?

melania-trump-refused-to-make-joint-tv-appearance-with-donald-after-video-leak-report-5754

From President Donald Trump: Oh u think ur so funny don’t you? U and Saturday Night Live think ur so funny when you mock me. Neither of u are funny or relevant any more.

Phil: Saturday Night Live? The American institution that’s been on TV since 1977 and has mocked every President since Gerald Ford? Not funny?

Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump

Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump

From President Donald Trump: Yes, all comedians who make a mockery of the political process should be banned.

Phil: Did you say comedians or Canadians?

From President Donald Trump: Both. Most comedians are Canadians and they’re both foreigners. We should ban them all from our great country of North America.

Phil: The country of North America?

From President Donald Trump: Yes. Part of making America great again is making it bigger. We should have all of America. North and South America should all be ours so we can be bigger than Russia & China.

Phil: You do realize that this is a group text to the whole country, right?

From President Donald Trump: Shut up Phil. Bloggers. Bloggers too. I’m going to put a wall around all of you. I have to go. Me and Putin have a couples massage at 1:00 😉

Tell me, does that conversation seem far fetched at all? Having the ability to text everyone at once is pretty cool though. I think it would also be great for my blog. I could text all of you to let you know when I post, and after you read you could text me your comments. So from today forward, please leave your cell number in the comments section so I can start compiling a group text for us.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Smells Like Biebs Spirit: Bad Celebrity Fragrances

I think that if I get any more followers for my blog and my Facebook author page I’m going to have to have my own cologne. As idiotic and unbelievable as it may seem all the colognes and perfumes on this list are real. I’d love it if you add your comments or humorous tag lines for them in the comments section.

Justin Bieber: I imagine that Justin Beiber smells a lot like pot smoke and monkeys. On one of the pages promoting his perfumes the description says “Designer Justin Bieber…”  Designer? Really? The only thing he’s designed lately is the downfall of a promising pop music career. He has 6 perfumes for women. Well, maybe not women. I think he’s catering to the Hello Kitty crowd. The way he’s been acting the last 18 months you’d think he’s promoting a fragrance called Someone Should Punch Me.

061313-justin-bieber-fifi-340

Donald Trump: The American billionaire tycoon has both cologne and perfume so apparently he’s finally out of the closet with his bisexuality. That’s cool Don. We don’t judge. Supposedly it has “notes of mint, cucumber and basil.” That doesn’t sound like perfume, it sounds like a salad, as if The Donald wants his tossed. If he had a cologne that smelled like actual money? That would be the world’s best aphrodisiac. Donald I know you’re reading this and my blog is copyrighted. You’re going to have to buy that idea from me.

David Beckham and Derek Jeter: There are many, many more athlete inspired fragrances but I chose these two names because you’d know them. A perfume or cologne based on an athlete? No thanks, I can produce my own sweat.

Lady GaGa: Ugh. Just ugh. 

Britney Spears: Of course she has her own perfume. It’s called Circus Fantasy. Brilliant. Who doesn’t want to smell like carnies and elephant dung? But it’s not just Circus. It’s Circus Fantasy. Who hasn’t fantasized about a romantic rendezvous at the circus? Maybe in a clown car.

britney-spears-circus-fantasy-cosmo-08-2010

Neil Gaiman: Although he is wildly popular, the fact that a middle-aged, British author who doesn’t write romance novels has his own fragrance, shows you the difference in humor between America and England. His fragrance, Neil Gaiman’s Lemon-Scented Sticky Bat was actually based on a blog post he wrote in 2007 .

Hmmm….a blog post that spawned a perfume? I wonder what The Phil Factor cologne. would smell like? Imagine the ads…The Phil Factor, for when you want the smell of sarcasm with subtle notes of chlorine, coffee and red wine. Just so you know that I’m not completely without a soul, I toyed with but ultimately chose to leave out jokes about Rhianna and Michael Schumacher’s fragrances. Also, thank you to my friend Karen for suggesting the idea for this post.

As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. And please share your ideas and jokes by leaving a comment. Have a great weekend! ~Phil