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The other day I got a really lame fortune cookie fortune. It was something like “Don’t stick your arm in a wood chipper or you’ll be up in arms.” It got me thinking that not all fortunes are fortunate. Here are the ten worst fortune cookie fortunes:
10. That time that you thought no one saw you, someone did.
9. You should probably get that rash checked out. It’s worse than it seems.
8. Calm down. That girl in accounting flirts with everybody.
7. If you’re looking for wisdom in a fortune cookie you’re a moron.
6. You should probably brush up your resume’.
5. Your blog isn’t as funny as you think.
4. Avoid nude beaches. Please.
3. Don’t eat any Chinese food today. It will make you very ill. No, seriously, stay near a bathroom.
2. A bird in the hand will probably crap in your palm.
1. Don’t worry about the expiration date on your milk. Don’t ask how I know. I just do.
So what’s the best fortune you’ve ever gotten? Did you ever have any come true? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
My worst ever was just the other day: “Here we go. Low Fat, Whole Wheat, Green Tea.” What does that even mean? It’s not even a fortune.
Sounds like a hint
This post was very fortunate for me, today.
LOL, Thx!
Funny post 😀
I had a fortune cookie once with a blank fortune in it. It was a little disconcerting … it could be interpreted in a couple of different ways!! 😉
Sounds like a write your own fortune! You get anything you want. That gives me an idea for a short story.
Excellent!! Story time 🙂
I opened a fortune cookie and something jumped out. Don’t know what it was since I didn’t stay around to find out.(didn’t read the fortune either)
Was it after your meal?
Could be but I let it have it.
I once read that there’s only one Chinese Fortune Cookie factory in the US and because of that there are a limited number of fortunes that one can get. Eat enough Chinese food and you’ll run out of new fortunes. However, the ones you suggest could liven things up, if they ever made it to that factory. If, indeed, what I read is true.
[And the award for the most rambling comment goes to…]
That’s interesting about the one fortune cookie factory. I wonder if someone has the job of making up fortunes. How fun would that be?
That’d be a wonderful job. *sigh*
Haha, I can’t say I have had any of those in my fortune cookies, however, I agree with avoiding nude beaches! *shudder*
LOL, I don’t think everyone should avoid nude beaches, just some people. What gave me the idea for that was a blog post by a 64 year old female blogger who recently went to a nude beach for the first time and was ok with it.
I just wouldn’t know where to look… It would be so…awkward! 😳 Have you ever visited one?
I was at a clothing optional beach in Barcelona once. I stayed dressed because I had co-workers around. The locals however seemed very comfortable. I would have preferred that most of them had chosen the clothing option.
Haha! But hey, at least they are comfortable in their own skin. You wouldn’t catch me nakey on the beach!!!
I guess I could do it if the opportunity presented itself. Hmmm….I am going to Puerto Rico this week. I wonder if they have nude beaches?
Well, it’s good to try everything at least once 😉
But is it good to post pictures on my blog after?
It depends if you have anything to protect your….erm… modesty! Like a strategically-placed pineapple, or blow up beach ball! 😀
Like at the end of that Austin Powers movie? That would be funny!
There we go! I think I just inspired your next post 😉
I wonder if fortune cookies are different from one country to another?
Next time we have Chinese takeout, we will compare fortune cookies! 😀
I have a fortune taped to a kitchen cabinet. The fortune reads, “Get away from home awhile to restore your energies.” It isn’t really a fortune. It’s more like someone mocking me. Haha! You are stuck at home with the kids. I just decided to drive to Vegas for the night. See ya later, sucker!
That is a good fortune. I agree with it. I wish I lived close enough to Vegas to go for a night.
My worst fortune cookie message stands
As “The waiters here don’t wash their hands”.
Ugh. That would be a bad one. After reading that my eating there would be done
I truly always get the worst fortunes in my cookies. (I even have a post about it!)
The last one wasn’t too bad, which stunned me. I hope it’s the beginning of a new trend!
How can I find your post about the bad fortunes? I want to read it!
http://jolenemottern.com/2014/01/28/i-have-no-fortune/
Gracias Senora!
I’ll add an 11th worst….”You have no future.”
Good one! Thanks Patricia!
I never saw a fortune cookie while I was in China which means nothing. They may have them and I was just spared. And why did you not mention the “in bed” game?
I know a lot of games in bed but none that involve fortune cookies. What is the “in bed” game?
After the fortune, you insert the words “in bed.” It sometimes changes the perspective entirely. LOL.
LOL, I’ll remember that next time
I had to look it up, because it was my birthday and so of course I posted it on Facebook…after my son had texted everyone to say I would be “passing on soon”…
“My fortune cookie says “you will soon be crossing the great waters”. I know I am a year older today but that sounds like a euphemism for the great beyond.” –back in 2011
That does sound like an ominous fortune. Happy Birthday to one of my favorite bloggers.
Hmmm not to sure about number 1
Number 5 was just mean–and untrue! It made me laugh. So did 8 and 4.
I have always had excellent fortunes in my cookies. They run opposite to my reality. If only I could live in the Cookie World, I would be happy forever.
😛
It’s funny that you said you always get excellent fortunes but a bad reality. You’re not alone. Others have said both the same and the opposite today, proving that fortunes are not to be trusted.
Ok, here is mine: I had one which read, “you will marry the person you are with right now.” Hmmmm…I was with a guy I had been dating for 3 years at the time, and we were definitely not going to be married, we could only stand each other for short time periods (1-2 hours). We ended the relationship at 4 years, and never a proposal once, from either of us. I still have that silly slip of paper, somewhere…safe.
Why are you still holding on to that fortune? Maybe the fortune was referring to someone else in your life?
I hold on to it because it was soooo wrong and so funny. I have married and divorced 2x since then, and dating at least 1,000 guys, so I am not hoping for some realization of the fortune cookie. I have had tarot cards or even tea leaves tell my fortune better! LOL
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LOLling at 10, 8 & 5.
I found 3 this summer I like. I kept them. Well kept 2 but forgot the other with my boyfriend.
“Never mind tomorrow, TODAY is the day.”
“Listen to what you know instead of what you fear.” (Love this one).
“The thing in is that we fear just wants our love.”
This was a funny list.