Who doesn’t love the Amish right? Sure they don’t know Breaking Bad from breaking wind, but there are a lot of great reasons to convert to Amishism. That’s a word right? That must be what they call it. Who knows? They never talk enough for us to figure them out. My demographic stats show that I have very low readership among the Amish, so I decided to write a post about them to boost my popularity. I’m hoping they’ll share it on their Facebooks.
10. Black is very slimming: Have you ever seen an Amish on Extreme Weight Loss shows? Of course not.
9. The Amish never worry about a wi-fi signal or download speed.
8. The Amish chicks always get to wear a ‘little black dress”
7. Barn sex! Need I say more?
6. About 5 years ago dudes with beards became popular: I’ve gotta think that the Amish dudes have to wade through chicks just to get to the barn every morning. Why isn’t there an Amish rock band?
5. Amish gas prices are still lower than ours
4. If I witness a murder and the mob is after me I’m going to go hang with the Amish. It always works. But I’m not letting Harrison Ford fly me there.
Harrison Ford in the movie Witness
3. I can make up words like Amishism and none of the Amish correct me. They’re totally chill like that.
2. Vanilla Ice hangs with the Amish. Yo if there’s a problem he’ll solve it, check out the hook while the Amish revolve it.
1. If I was Amish I’d never spend time checking my blog stats: Although I’ve got to think that if an Amish started a blog it would be very popular. I may just fake Amishism and start another blog.
Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil