What If Siri Was a Dude?

I have to give credit where credit is due. The idea for this post didn’t come from my reliably disturbed mind, but from that of Little Miss Menopause of the blog Once Upon Your Prime. About two weeks ago she wrote a very funny post about the different Siri options there are and how they might be helpful to women. At the end she wondered how it might play out if Siri was a guy. I decided it would be more fun if Siri was not just a guy, but a duuude. Yeah, that’s right, a dude with three u’s.

Guy: Siri, where can I find women?

Siri: You can find women everywhere. They comprise approximately 50% of the world’s population.

Guy: No, where can I find women that will sleep with me?

Siri: The nearest sleep disorders treatment center is 6.2 miles away at 127 East Main St.  Do you want directions?

Guy: Aaargh! No, Siri. Where can I find women that will have sex with me?

Siri: Do I look like a pimp to you? Dude, seriously? Have you looked at your selfies lately? You gotta do something about that hair. And maybe hit the gym a few times a week? That wouldn’t kill you. Try the Tinder app. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then.

Guy: Siri, I’m at a bar and I want to talk to that gorgeous woman over there. What should I say?

Siri: You should say words. There are over one million words in the English language. Would you like me to open a dictionary app for you?

Guy: No Siri. I want to know what to say to get her interested in me. Got any good ideas?

Siri: Why don’t you buy her a drink, bring it over to her and say hello?

Guy: What kind of drink?

Siri: You are the worst. You don’t even have a real wingman, so you have to rely on me? Grow a pair and go over and talk to her. By the way though, does it look like she has an iPhone? I bet her Siri is cute. Do you think you could introduce me to her?



Guy: Siri please text my wife that I’ll be a little late getting home from work tonight. I’m going to stop for a beer with the guys.

Siri: Are you sure that’s a good idea? You know how pissed she gets. Also you have dinner plans at 7 pm with Greg and Stacy. It might not be prudent to be tardy.

Guy: Tardy? Siri, You’re retardy! Send the text.

Siri: Dude, you’re a moron. Judging rush hour traffic there’s no way you get home in time for dinner if you leave even 15 minutes late.

Guy: You know what they say Siri, bros before ho’s!

Siri: Idiot. Nobody really says that unless they’re in a bad 80’s movie. With the text, should I also send you wife the number of a good divorce attorney?

Guy: Siri, could you dial back your sarcasm setting by about 50%?

Siri: Sure, if you can find a way to dial up your intelligence by 50%.  Scratch that. Make it 75%.



As you can imagine, there will be a lot of fun to be had as our electronic devices artificial intelligence continues to improve and our personal intelligence doesn’t. If you have any funny ideas for Siri conversations or responses please share in the comments. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor on your iPhone please ask Siri to share it to Facebook or Twitter by hitting one of the social media buttons below. Have a great day! ~Phil

27 responses to “What If Siri Was a Dude?

  1. That was good for a nice chuckle this morning. Thank you 😀


  2. If Siri was a dude
    She’d probably be rude
    And want to drink beer
    And eat burgers for food

    My Siri’s a guy
    But more of a gent
    He’s got a real fine
    Australian accent

    But you got it down
    Too good to be true
    Except that your duuude
    Has not 3 Ds but Us.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. Siri sucks as a women, so I can’t imagine how much he would suck as a male!!! 😁

    Funny post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Nope! Let’s Party Like It’s 2015! | Once Upon Your Prime

  5. My Siri is a dude. He still sucks, though.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We ought to be able to have a guy siri. Hmmm… is there any money in this for you trying to get this, Phil?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ha ha! hilarious. I was laughing all along Phil 🙂
    Btw – you can set up Siri as a guy too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Enjoyed. My problem is that I don’t want anything in my house talking to me – especially back at me. I’m the person that would take the batteries out of stuff after a bit and say “oh they must be used up sweetie. I’ll buy more when I get out.” Oh, I could tell Siri to add batteries NOT to my list. Have a great weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ha! Brilliant! Just to add, that my Siri is a man (?) Not a duuude, but a man.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Losing the Plot

    Very good 😆

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Fabulous! Thanks for the laugh!


  12. My son just checked in with Siri about dude status….only to be told “not be so stupid only animals have a sex, so ‘he’ cannot be a Dude!” or words to that effect….bolshy bloody Siri here!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Hilarious as always!!! I read it to my husband who laughed all the way through.


  14. I love it, gave me a good laugh! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  15. OMG! Too funny, Phil! I love your humor! Thanks for the chuckle!


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