Tag Archives: technology

I Bloody Love Chips!

The original quote, which I borrowed from the old British sitcom, Miranda, is actually “I bloody love crisps!” Unfortunately, for the purposes of this post, crisps just won’t do because I’m talking about chips, microchips, and those just aren’t good in dip. But apparently they might be good in your arm or neck or where ever!

My cat has a microchip in his neck so that if he ever gets lost and is returned to a shelter or vets office, they will know who he belongs to. In an article in The Independent, (which I obviously read religiously) a Swedish office that employs 400 people offered the opportunity to get microchipped to all of their workers for the purpose of gaining access to the office, using copy machines and buying stuff at the cafeteria. “We already interact with technology all the time,” says bio-hacker Hannes Sjoblad, the “chief disruption officer” at the office block. “Today it’s a bit messy—we need pin codes and passwords. Wouldn’t it be easy to just touch with your hand? That’s really intuitive.”

He does make it sound awfully tempting, doesn’t he? We already have smart watches that record our pulse, steps and sleep patterns and glucose monitoring contact lenses. Many people with certain diseases and medical conditions have technology implanted in their body. Some have entire artificial organs. Let’s face it, we started on the slippery slope to becoming cyborgs or androids a long time ago, so why not embrace it? Soon, after I start selling the Phil Factor microchip, you’ll just wave your hand over your device and it will take you right to #ThePhilFactor. How great would that be, right?

Let’s be honest, as a group we’ve fantasized about having the brains and strength of robots for a long time. Remember the 70’s TV show, The Six Million Dollar Man? “We can rebuild him. We have the technology…Better, stronger, faster”

I know a lot of you are saying,”Phil, this is crazy. None of us wants to be part machine or to have tracking chips in us like a dog.”  Well why the heck not? “Oh, the government will track us. They’ll know where we go and what we buy.”  Guess what folks, the ship sailed on that long ago. And the invasion of privacy argument is gone too. Hell, Netflix and Facebook know more about us than our own relatives!

A Wisconsin technology company, Three Square Market, (which sounds a little too close to Three Doors Down, who unbeknownst to them, have all been microchipped so I can track them for the purpose of avoiding their concerts) is a company that provides technology for break-room or micro markets, has over 50 employees who plan to have the devices implanted. The tiny chip, which uses RFID technology or Radio-Frequency Identification, can be implanted between the thumb and forefinger “within seconds,” according to a statement from the company.

You know what? I’d get microchipped if only to avoid having to remember or write down all the passwords that I need regularly. Seriously, who enjoys trying to remember twelve different passwords that combine upper case, lower case, haiku, Sanskrit and your mother’s maiden name and a special character? A special character? Like from a movie or TV? My drunk uncle is often referred to a special character but I don’t want him knowing my passwords to anything!

In last summer’s movie Suicide Squad, microchips were implanted in the necks of crazy prisoners recruited to go on a dangerous mission to save the world. They were told that if they tried to escape or revolt a button would be pushed and the microchip would explode and kill them. That seems useful if you want to parole someone from prison. Also, if I’m a parent of young kids I would find that idea very useful. The day before all the kids get vaccinations for mumps or something, show them that movie and Voila! They’ll never misbehave again!

It’s inevitable. We’re already halfway down that slippery slope, so let’s embrace it. Microchip implant party at The Phil Factor next week. Who’s coming?

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

 

TBT! I Vie, You Vie, We All Vie for Wi-Fi!

yaelah.co

yaelah.co

(05/09/15) That’s the dream isn’t it? Free wi-fi 24/7, everywhere we go! The idea for this post came from a thought of mine last week. Yup, I had one. Hard to believe, I know, but sometimes I do. I thought to myself, what would I sacrifice to have free, 24/7 wi-fi everywhere I go? Has anyone else had this thought?

I thought that I could give up the pinky toe on my left foot for free lifetime wi-fi. I briefly thought I might let doctors implant a tiny wi-fi router somewhere in my body. I ruled that out though because I was worried about possible cancer from the constant signal coursing through my organs. Then I reconsidered because I remembered that  I’ve eaten fruit covered in pesticides and Chicken McNuggets made from chicken and asbestos my whole life and I don’t have cancer yet, (Two things: 1. if there is a God, please don’t smite me, it was a joke, and 2. If my blog is popular enough that McDonald’s sues me for the asbestos Chicken McNuggets line, I will be so proud)

2-funny-wifi-password-pictures-quotes

Then I thought (yes, two times in a week!) that the premise of a great reality/game show would be a series of escalating mental and physical challenges like the old show Fear Factor (which gave me the idea for the name of this blog ten years ago)  until the final, victorious contestant, who is willing to go farther than the others, finally wins free 24/7 wi-fi for life.

So anyway, back to my left pinky toe. The more I think about it, the more I think I could give it up for free wi-fi. Here are the reasons that came into my head: 1) I’m right footed, so I probably wouldn’t miss the left pinky toe. 2) I wear socks and or shoes about 90% of the time, so nobody would even notice. 3) You know how bad it is when you accidentally stub your pinky toe hard on the corner of something?  I’d reduce the chance of that by 50%. 4) If someone did notice it was missing, once it’s all healed over, how repulsive would it really look?

men-bluetooth-women-wifi

I did consider if I’d give up a pinky finger for free wi-fi, but ruled that out pretty quickly because in my spare time I’m a classical concert pianist. No, I’m not, but I still could be if I have all my digits. It’s funny isn’t it? Fifteen years ago we didn’t have wi-fi and now I’m debating if I’d give up body parts for it. I would bet I’m not the only one either. That’s why the cell phone carriers are so evil. They know we want our data and they charge us crazy amounts, and we pay it.

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I am going to put Stephen Hawking and Neil deGrasse Tyson to work on developing a worldwide wi-fi system. It won’t be free, but it will be worked into your taxes for a fraction of the cost of the wi-fi or data signal you pay for through cell phone carriers. It would just become another public utility that everyone has a right to.  (Also, how did the Canadians know to name that high school drama TV show after Neil deGrasse Tyson before he was even famous?)  And did you know that Stephen Hawking is British? I don’t hear that in his accent at all. Go ahead click the links, those really are their websites)

Dude-My-Wifi-is-Leaking

So I guess there’s two ways I’ll get my 24/7 free worldwide wi-fi. I either have to become President or find someone to offer it to me in exchange for my left pinky toe. What would free wi-fi everywhere be worth to you?

As always, have a great Saturday and if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it by wi-fi by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or reblog button below.

What If Siri Was a Dude?

I have to give credit where credit is due. The idea for this post didn’t come from my reliably disturbed mind, but from that of Little Miss Menopause of the blog Once Upon Your Prime. About two weeks ago she wrote a very funny post about the different Siri options there are and how they might be helpful to women. At the end she wondered how it might play out if Siri was a guy. I decided it would be more fun if Siri was not just a guy, but a duuude. Yeah, that’s right, a dude with three u’s.

Guy: Siri, where can I find women?

Siri: You can find women everywhere. They comprise approximately 50% of the world’s population.

Guy: No, where can I find women that will sleep with me?

Siri: The nearest sleep disorders treatment center is 6.2 miles away at 127 East Main St.  Do you want directions?

Guy: Aaargh! No, Siri. Where can I find women that will have sex with me?

Siri: Do I look like a pimp to you? Dude, seriously? Have you looked at your selfies lately? You gotta do something about that hair. And maybe hit the gym a few times a week? That wouldn’t kill you. Try the Tinder app. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then.

Guy: Siri, I’m at a bar and I want to talk to that gorgeous woman over there. What should I say?

Siri: You should say words. There are over one million words in the English language. Would you like me to open a dictionary app for you?

Guy: No Siri. I want to know what to say to get her interested in me. Got any good ideas?

Siri: Why don’t you buy her a drink, bring it over to her and say hello?

Guy: What kind of drink?

Siri: You are the worst. You don’t even have a real wingman, so you have to rely on me? Grow a pair and go over and talk to her. By the way though, does it look like she has an iPhone? I bet her Siri is cute. Do you think you could introduce me to her?

list25.com

list25.com

Guy: Siri please text my wife that I’ll be a little late getting home from work tonight. I’m going to stop for a beer with the guys.

Siri: Are you sure that’s a good idea? You know how pissed she gets. Also you have dinner plans at 7 pm with Greg and Stacy. It might not be prudent to be tardy.

Guy: Tardy? Siri, You’re retardy! Send the text.

Siri: Dude, you’re a moron. Judging rush hour traffic there’s no way you get home in time for dinner if you leave even 15 minutes late.

Guy: You know what they say Siri, bros before ho’s!

Siri: Idiot. Nobody really says that unless they’re in a bad 80’s movie. With the text, should I also send you wife the number of a good divorce attorney?

Guy: Siri, could you dial back your sarcasm setting by about 50%?

Siri: Sure, if you can find a way to dial up your intelligence by 50%.  Scratch that. Make it 75%.

pixgood.com

pixgood.com

As you can imagine, there will be a lot of fun to be had as our electronic devices artificial intelligence continues to improve and our personal intelligence doesn’t. If you have any funny ideas for Siri conversations or responses please share in the comments. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor on your iPhone please ask Siri to share it to Facebook or Twitter by hitting one of the social media buttons below. Have a great day! ~Phil

I Vie, You Vie, We All Vie for Wi-Fi !

yaelah.co

yaelah.co

That’s the dream isn’t it? Free wi-fi 24/7, everywhere we go! The idea for this post came from a thought of mine last week. Yup, I had one. Hard to believe, I know, but sometimes I do. I thought to myself, what would I sacrifice to have free, 24/7 wi-fi everywhere I go? Has anyone else had this thought?

I thought that I could give up the pinky toe on my left foot for free lifetime wi-fi. I briefly thought I might let doctors implant a tiny wi-fi router somewhere in my body. I ruled that out though because I was worried about possible cancer from the constant signal coursing through my organs. Then I reconsidered because I remembered that  I’ve eaten fruit covered in pesticides and Chicken McNuggets made from chicken and asbestos my whole life and I don’t have cancer yet, (Two things: 1. if there is a God, please don’t smite me, it was a joke, and 2. If my blog is popular enough that McDonald’s sues me for the asbestos Chicken McNuggets line, I will be so proud)

2-funny-wifi-password-pictures-quotes

Then I thought (yes, two times in a week!) that the premise of a great reality/game show would be a series of escalating mental and physical challenges like the old show Fear Factor (which gave me the idea for the name of this blog ten years ago)  until the final, victorious contestant, who is willing to go farther than the others, finally wins free 24/7 wi-fi for life.

So anyway, back to my left pinky toe. The more I think about it, the more I think I could give it up for free wi-fi. Here are the reasons that came into my head: 1) I’m right footed, so I probably wouldn’t miss the left pinky toe. 2) I wear socks and or shoes about 90% of the time, so nobody would even notice. 3) You know how bad it is when you accidentally stub your pinky toe hard on the corner of something?  I’d reduce the chance of that by 50%. 4) If someone did notice it was missing, once it’s all healed over, how repulsive would it really look?

men-bluetooth-women-wifi

I did consider if I’d give up a pinky finger for free wi-fi, but ruled that out pretty quickly because in my spare time I’m a classical concert pianist. No, I’m not, but I still could be if I have all my digits. It’s funny isn’t it? Fifteen years ago we didn’t have wi-fi and now I’m debating if I’d give up body parts for it. I would bet I’m not the only one either. That’s why the cell phone carriers are so evil. They know we want our data and they charge us crazy amounts, and we pay it.

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I am going to put Stephen Hawking and Neil deGrasse Tyson to work on developing a worldwide wi-fi system. It won’t be free, but it will be worked into your taxes for a fraction of the cost of the wi-fi or data signal you pay for through cell phone carriers. It would just become another public utility that everyone has a right to.  (Also, how did the Canadians know to name that high school drama TV show after Neil deGrasse Tyson before he was even famous?)  And did you know that Stephen Hawking is British? I don’t hear that in his accent at all. Go ahead click the links, those really are their websites)

Dude-My-Wifi-is-Leaking

So I guess there’s two ways I’ll get my 24/7 free worldwide wi-fi. I either have to become President or find someone to offer it to me in exchange for my left pinky toe. What would free wi-fi everywhere be worth to you?

As always, have a great Saturday and if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it by wi-fi by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or reblog button below.