Category Archives: Social Media

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Great Tweets!

I like to say things in 500-700 words. I’m not all that great at Twitter, but there are others who have mastered the short form humor. Despite the recent change to 280 characters, there are still people who are brilliantly funny with very little said. Here are some of my recent favorite, laugh out loud tweets:

 

If you’re one of the people that say, “I just don’t get Twitter, read THIS. You can find me on Twitter @thephilfactor. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Signs That You’re Addicted To Blogging

10. Going about your normal day you have a random thought that is followed, without pause, by the thought, “I’ll have to put that on my blog.”

9. Your hear a joke or see a movie and you think to yourself, “I’ll bet IdahoBlogWoman274 would think that was funny.”

8. You use your work computer for blogging more than working.

7. You actually think that your thoughts, life, or ideas are so interesting that you’ve got more than one blog.

6. You’ve upgraded, your computer so that you can blog better, whatever than means.

5. The word “blogiversary” is now part of your vocabulary.

4. You like people in the blog world better than the ones in the real world.

3. When you go on a family vacation you take your laptop with you and berate every helpless desk clerk unfortunate enough to work for a hotel with a bad internet connection.

2. Your draft folder has more posts than you’ve actually published.

1. You think that you’re so important that you include you’re own name in the title of your blog as if people will  think to themselves, “Holy s#@t! A blog by Phil! I’d better go read that!”

I’m guilty of many, but not all of these, and I know some of you are guilty of others in this list. Feel free to add some of you’re own in the comments. I’d love to hear them. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

280 Characters? For Donald Trump?!!? Yikes!

Yes, Twitter has gone and done it this time. Donald Trump brought us to the brink of a nuclear war with North Korea using only 140 characters. What he might do with 280 is mind boggling. If you’re a little confused, here’s what I’m talking about: Since it’s creation in 2006 Twitter has limited users tweets to 140 characters or less. About two weeks ago Twitter began allowing users to use up to 280 characters.

Over the years Donald has had some really interesting tweets. I wonder how they might be different if he could have said twice as much. Let’s look at a few, shall we?

with 140 more characters Trump would go on to say: Robert you can do much better than her. Like me for instance. I’m rich and handsome. Mostly rich.

with more characters he would have likely gone on to say: But the election, that’s your fault. Well, not really your fault. Mostly the Russians, but I’m in now and there’s nothing you can do about it. Sad!

Given more leeway Trump would add: I’m your new God now. All bow down to me! The Bible said Jesus was the savior. Fake news!

Some of Donald Trumps tweets to Eminem after he got elected:

If Donald could have expanded his rapping repertoire he might have also said: Don’t look back cuz my hair is whack. I’m your new Prez now and my face is orange you’re a washed up rapper who…shit, nothing rhymes with orange. Covfefe! 

With more characters available he later went back and edited the tweet to say: I don’t understand irony. My grandparents weren’t immigrants because they bought Manhattan and gave it to me. 

Not too French? Apparently Donald isn’t overly familiar with our neighbors to the North. With more characters he might have gone on to say: If I had to kiss a foreign leader it would be him. Reminds me of Robert Pattinson. 

I could do this all day. Before you go, would you mind voting in one more election? My Time To Lie book cover is up for AllAuthor.com’s Cover of The Month. I really, really need all the votes I can get to move into the top three. If you have a few seconds I’d appreciate your vote. Click THIS LINK to vote. If I win, I promise not to tweet any crazy things.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Facebook Just Might Save Your Life

(11/5/2016) In all likelihood, my blog is more likely to save your life, but this week a study was released implying that moderate use of Facebook leads to a longer life. That’s hard to believe, because seeing posts that say, “Only my real friends will copy and paste this into their status…” makes me want to shorten the life span of so many, many people. Oddly, I went to WebMD and it says that Facebook causes cancer. Of course WebMD says everything causes cancer. I know I have a lot of blog friends and followers in the UK. I wonder if there are cancers specific to different countries? For instance, might my UK friends be more prone to Tea & Crumpet cancer? I hope not. I’d better go check Facebook to see what it has to say on the matter.

849d82106d306c6f0af1f9ca3f028af8

It seems that, according to the study, those that receive the most Facebook friend invites are social media whores more likely to have a lower mortality rate than those with fewer. How can they possibly know that? Because their account is active longer? Maybe it’s active longer because they died already without deleting their account. Maybe the people with fewer invites are actually out Facebooking in person, outside of the house, with real people. Hey, I think that’s a thing I’m going to start. Facebooking in person. When I leave the house from now on I’ll say, “See you later. I’m going to go Facebook in person with…”

images-4

Listen Mark Zuckerberg, just slow your roll. You and your website aren’t the panacea for everything. The study was nice, but guess what? Give somebody about 6 months and they’ll find a way to identify a Facebook cancer. Also, the kids and millenials aren’t using Facebook because us “old people” (meaning anyone over 30) have ruined it. In about ten years when all the old Facebook users die off, there will be a whole generation that grew up on Snapchat, Kik, and Twitter and they won’t be using or investing in Facebook. Did I just say “millenials” back there? Ugh. I’m an awful person. Also, if I said that, I’m an old person, apparently. That is the most overused word in the world and it’s idiotic. You know who never uses the word millenials? Millenials.

The bottom line is that social interaction of any type, with millenials or anyone else, online or in person leads to a longer life, so if you want a longer life you should comment on this post and then to be ironic, and because your life just might depend on it, share it to Facebook using the share button below. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Name Ten Bands … The Meme That Ate Facebook

No. No, I am not going to name ten bands that I’ve seen and one of them is a lie! And I don’t have time to read and guess yours either. And guess what? I. DON’T. CARE.  (Panic at the Disco) And if you list your ten bands in my comments, I may have to ban you from #ThePhilFactor.

The fact that this meme has taken over Facebook proves that Facebook is dead. After ten years or more of Facebook we have all now officially run out of things to talk about. (Weezer) This is like a party or meeting ice breaker for people who don’t know how to relate to others in a natural, spontaneous fashion. I was at a work dinner the other night and someone pulled that out and we did it at the table while we were face to face. It took so much time that we didn’t even have time to be snarky about other co-workers. (Green Day) That’s the real bonding between people, when you can forge an alliance against a common enemy. The enemy of my enemy is my Facebook friend.

This is it. Now that Facebook has turned this corner, it’s all downhill from here. (Twenty One Pilots) There’s now probably hundreds if not thousands or millions of stupid people that loved the “list ten bands” meme and are now thinking of new, but nauseatingly similar memes about movies, books and TV shows that they will spread to Facebook over and over for several years. (Blink 182) Instead of those boring ideas, how about we revive Facebook with some sarcasm and snarkiness. Here’s some suggestions:

Ten people you hate on Facebook, but one of them is a lie.

Ten People that I’m surprised are still alive, but one of them is a lie.

Ten teachers I kissed in high school but one of them I slept with

(All Time Low)

Ten TV moms or dads I’d do, and none of them are lies.

Ten co-workers I hate, but one of them is a lie.

Ten People that shouldn’t post beach pics of themselves. Please stop posting beach pics of yourself (The Grateful Dead)

Completely not related to this post but I thought it was funny

That’s what Facebook needs, more rabblerousers. More meanness. It needs to be more like the real world. How about that? How about honesty on Facebook? That would be new.  No more idyllic little vacation family photos! Everyone knows that vacationing with family is a giant pain in the ass. (Less than Jake) When the kids are little they’re exhausting to drag around Disney and the adults never get to do what they want and spouses snipe at each other about “you we’re supposed to remember the sunscreen” or “What do you mean you left the Fast Passes back at the hotel?” (Paramore) 

Well, that’s my little rant for this weekend. Who else is on the “let’s mean up Facebook” train with me?  If you have any funny ideas for sarcastic Facebook meme games we could play feel free to share then in the comments. (Bowling For Soup) And please feel free to share this with your Facebook friends by hitting the share button below. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Facebook, or FaceCrook?

Clever title, right? Take that Mark Zuckerberg you evil twerp. Based on that last sentence and my title I’m pretty sure that the Facebook algorithm will find a way to bury this post waaaay down people’s timelines.

icontexto-inside-facebook

We’re all doing it. Sometimes we do it in the privacy of our own home. Sometimes we do it in our cars, sometimes we even do it at work. It takes only a few minutes if you’re good at it. We “Facebook”.

‘Facebook’ has become a verb. The grandfather, or maybe I should say Godfather of social media is ubiquitous. (I like using the word ubiquitous because it sounds smart. Not when I say it of course. I sound like an idiot, but if you use it in something you write it’s one of those smart words that make your point seem a little better. Obviously, there aren’t enough smart words to help this blog out). As smart people say, I digress. (look at me go with them there smart word thingies) My point is that Facebook is almost universal. What started out 13 years ago this month as a geeky college student’s way to meet chicks (and I say chicks with the utmost respect for all chicks) has become almost a worldwide registry of humanity. Those of us that are on it think it’s weird when we find people who are not.

26_funny_pics_to_post_on_facebook_to_get_more_likes-ls

Typical conversation:

Me: Hey, can I find you on Facebook?

Other Person: No. I’m not on Facebook.

Me: Uh, what’s wrong with you? How do you talk to people?

Why am I talking about FB today? Two reasons: 1) Last night when I sat down in my recliner with a glass of wine to start writing today’s Phil Factor, I put in a Google search for “trending topics”. On one particular sites trending topics page was 9 articles about Facebook. If Facebook is the top trending topic how can I ignore it? Apparently Facebook admitted that it’s human editors suppressed articles expressing conservative views in it’s trending news feed. So of course Facebook decided to replace human editors with an algorithm to determine what news we will see on FB. Yes, people replaced by machines, again. Thank God for that. Way too many people are super annoying. I know this because I’m friends with them on Facebook.

mr-bean-facebook-comment-meme-funny-image

Some statistic somewhere says that 98.5% of people get their news from Facebook. Is it good that Facebook has a computer program deciding what news we see? Because Facebook is so universally used, their algorithm has the potential to sway public opinion. Who cares?!!? We know where to get our real, biased news if we want to. We know the liberal news shows and websites and we know the conservative news shows and websites. Get over yourselves everybody. News has been biased since the first cave painting depicting Grog taking out a woolly mammoth with a coconut. (Shocker, the mammoth actually tripped, fell and broke it’s neck. Grog is a liar. Fake news! Sad!)

After reading my last point, I guess Mark Zuckerberg isn’t really an evil twerp. He might be for other reasons, but not because his website controls the news you see. Perspective is like a telescope; you only see what you point it at. Look at a different website, like #ThePhilFactor, if you want a different view. Two paragraphs ago I said I had two reasons to talk about Facebook today. I can’t remember what the other is now. Maybe I’d better go check Facebook to see what I should be talking about.

If you all want to be ironic and vex Facebook’s algorithm you can share this to FB by hitting the share button below. Have a great Saturday!  ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets

Twitter-vs-Facebook1

I’m traveling this week for both vacation and work, so you get some jokes from some other funny people who don’t have blogs. If you don’t Twitter, you should try it. It’s fun! If you aren’t sure how Twitter works, read A Guide to Twitter for The Non Twits. If you want to follow me on Twitter, you can find me @ThePhilFactor

This one is the story of my life:

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil