I Bloody Love Chips!

The original quote, which I borrowed from the old British sitcom, Miranda, is actually “I bloody love crisps!” Unfortunately, for the purposes of this post, crisps just won’t do because I’m talking about chips, microchips, and those just aren’t good in dip. But apparently they might be good in your arm or neck or where ever!

My cat has a microchip in his neck so that if he ever gets lost and is returned to a shelter or vets office, they will know who he belongs to. In an article in The Independent, (which I obviously read religiously) a Swedish office that employs 400 people offered the opportunity to get microchipped to all of their workers for the purpose of gaining access to the office, using copy machines and buying stuff at the cafeteria. “We already interact with technology all the time,” says bio-hacker Hannes Sjoblad, the “chief disruption officer” at the office block. “Today it’s a bit messyโ€”we need pin codes and passwords. Wouldn’t it be easy to just touch with your hand? That’s really intuitive.”

He does make it sound awfully tempting, doesn’t he? We already have smart watches that record our pulse, steps and sleep patterns and glucose monitoring contact lenses. Many people with certain diseases and medical conditions have technology implanted in their body. Some have entire artificial organs. Let’s face it, we started on the slippery slope to becoming cyborgs or androids a long time ago, so why not embrace it? Soon, after I start selling the Phil Factor microchip, you’ll just wave your hand over your device and it will take you right to #ThePhilFactor. How great would that be, right?

Let’s be honest, as a group we’ve fantasized about having the brains and strength of robots for a long time. Remember the 70’s TV show, The Six Million Dollar Man? “We can rebuild him. We have the technology…Better, stronger, faster”

I know a lot of you are saying,”Phil, this is crazy. None of us wants to be part machine or to have tracking chips in us like a dog.”  Well why the heck not? “Oh, the government will track us. They’ll know where we go and what we buy.”  Guess what folks, the ship sailed on that long ago. And the invasion of privacy argument is gone too. Hell, Netflix and Facebook know more about us than our own relatives!

There is a Wisconsin technology company, Three Square Market, (which sounds a little too close to Three Doors Down, who unbeknownst to them, have all been microchipped so I can track them for the purpose of avoiding their concerts). Three Square Market is a company that provides technology for break-room or micro markets and has over 50 employees who plan to have the chip devices implanted. The tiny chip, which uses RFID technology or Radio-Frequency Identification, can be implanted between the thumb and forefinger “within seconds,” according to a statement from the company.

You know what? I’d get microchipped if only to avoid having to remember or write down all the passwords that I need regularly. Seriously, who enjoys trying to remember twelve different passwords that combine upper case, lower case, haiku, Sanskrit and your mother’s maiden name and a special character? A special character? Like from a movie or TV? My drunk uncle is often referred to a special character but I don’t want him knowing my passwords to anything!

In last summer’s movie Suicide Squad, microchips were implanted in the necks of crazy prisoners recruited to go on a dangerous mission to save the world. They were told that if they tried to escape or revolt, a button would be pushed and the microchip would explode and kill them. That seems useful if you want to parole someone from prison. Also, if I’m a parent of young kids I would find that idea very useful. The day before all the kids get vaccinations for mumps or something, show them that movie and Voila! They’ll never misbehave again!

It’s inevitable. We’re already halfway down that slippery slope, so let’s embrace it. Microchip implant party at The Phil Factor next week. Who’s coming?

Have a great weekend! ~Phil


23 responses to “I Bloody Love Chips!

  1. Now this was false advertising! I thought we’d be discussing the pros and cons of edible chips (crisps to me if we’re thinking of the US meaning, or fries if we went for the UK translation!) I love chips (both edible varieties!) But the microchip idea has its benefits too I guess… *goes back to dreaming of food!*

  2. I bloody love crisps too๐Ÿ˜€

  3. I’m thinking as I grow older being chipped has a double meaning. Sort of like most of my dishes, I’m a bit chipped around the edges, but also the microchip will be handy should I wander off. It will save wear and tear on the search and rescue team if my husband can just trace me via my chip. Yes, I see a bright future in the human chipping industry, Phil!

  4. Hmmmm for some reason I’m left with the urge to get a bag of chips now… The edible ones not the micro ones.

  5. angelanoelauthor

    We JUST talked about this very topic at a team meeting this week at work. It’s sort of a technology review roundtable, so it’s not surprising it came up. The gross part–the part where someone implants something in my body and it’s not SUPPOSED to be tracking me, but really I don’t know if it is or not kills the convenience aspect for me. Though I have to say, I’m with you on the passwords. I HATE them. (But, hackers, if you’re reading this, I’m REALLY good at very complicated passwords and you’ll never guess them. So don’t even try.)
    I think a nice RFID ring or a bracelet or even a sticker I can put on and take off would work for me. What about an RFID temporary tattoo? It could work. . .

  6. Sure microchips would make things easier, but then it’d be easier to monitor our movements too. Hmmm….there’s a privacy issue there, don’t you think? ๐Ÿ™‚ Just playing devil’s advocate. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I do t think that there is a privacy issue. Almost all public streets are already video monitored by store security cameras or police cameras. And every swipe of a credit or debit card pinpoints our location as does our cell phones pinging the tower no matter where we are. If government or law enforcement wants to know where we are at any given time, they can easily find us.

  7. I heard about this microchip thing this week, but I didn’t understand why the company wanted to do it. Now I get it! But, NO THANK YOU!! They say it is for easy access to the fax machine, but we all know it’s to see who’s actually earning their salary and who might be canoodling in the boardroom after hours! I miss the good ‘ole days because I know soon I am being watched and monitored and will one day have to scan something just to go pee. Scary man!

  8. I’m sure your party’d be a gas
    All the same I’ll have to pass
    Convenient, yes, without a doubt
    All the same, they skeeve me out.

  9. “A Wisconsin technology company, Three Square Market, (which sounds a little too close to Three Doors Down, who unbeknownst to them, have all been microchipped so I can track them for the purpose of avoiding their concerts) ”
    I’m in tears, hilarious. I remember this band. Oh yeah, we don’t have any privacy! I have had to place a restraining order on facebook & netflix!

    • Thank you! That one Three Doors Down joke is my favorite part of the whole blog post and you are the first person to acknowledge it! You are obviously very perceptive and wise.

  10. I’m with you. Chip the bloody world. Anyone gets out of line, poof. Of course, there needs to be a splash and spray warning for the innocent by standers. Here is one. “Warning I am chipped. In the case of sudden disintegration, the government nor I am responsible for the matter and liquid spray. Do not wear clothes you don’t mind burning around me. Oh and please don’t say eew. You’ve been warned.”

  11. So, at this party you mentioned ….. will there be chips?

  12. Daphne already asked my question. Microchips take me back to my fourth grade lunch room. Good times.

  13. Once microchipped, what if some rogue group of individuals should find a way to hack into us?
    If some folks think their life’s a mess NOW, think about ……..

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