Shitty Lettuce Starts World War 3

Last week the entire population of the United States, except me, was thrown into a nutritional panic when the Centers For Disease Control sent out a dire warning about ALL Romaine lettuce being contaminated by E. Coli, or in other words,  poop.

The current President of the United States, confused about the origin of Romaine lettuce, declared war on Romania tweeting, “If THE Romanians think THEY can bring the GREAT United States to their knees by pooping on our lettuce they have ANOTHER thing coming! Fake news! Covfefe! I hereby declare war on Romania!” 

Daily Kos

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “Although Romaine lettuce doesn’t specifically or directly come from Romania, (then she rolled her eyes and sighed heavily) the President has decided to take no chances in his efforts to protect the American people from (using finger quotes)biology warfare.”

According to reports from the White House, Donald Trump has mobilized troops to the border of Romania. Trumps attempted invasion of Romania was stymied when U.S. troops discovered that Romania has put up a wall to keep foreigners out. The irony was lost on Trump who immediately accused the Romanians of stealing his idea.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

8 responses to “Shitty Lettuce Starts World War 3

  1. This is a scam cooked up by the National Iceberg Lettuce Council.

  2. Sadly, this news is not much crazier than what comes out of Washington these days. And Romania can rest easy… I doubt Trump could find it on a map anyway.

  3. Given the current state of things, this could all very well have been true. Let’s just hope he doesn’t declare war on Icebergs too.

  4. Hey Phil ~
    You were not alone in your unaffected life in the world of Shitty Lettuce.

    Roughage in general is shitty for me.

    ~ Ms. Mae

  5. All believable.

  6. Pingback: Shitty Lettuce Starts World War III — The Phil Factor – Bon Bon Lifestyle Webazine

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