Category Archives: Current Events

Don’t Worry! I’m Not That Prince Philip

In case you were worried about me, I’m not the Prince Philip that was in a car accident a few days ago. Although we share an identical spelling of our first names, that’s where the resemblance ends. Why was Philip even driving? Was he trying to Brexit the country?

Is it just me or does he always seem to have two black eyes? I wonder if he’s in a lot more car accidents than we ever hear of. Or maybe he and Queen Elizabeth like it a little rough in the bedroom.

I may not  be a Prince, yet. If the Queen gets tired of Philip’s high jinks and gives him the boot, I’m not opposed to having a sugar mama, especially one that allows me to be King of England if she mysteriously passes away.

I may never be Prince, but when I’m elected President (#PHIL2020), or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law, not just in the United States, but the whole world. Which I think will require me to be Sexiest Man Alive, because that’s a worldwide title.  My law will state that no human being should be allowed to drive a car past age 75.

I know some will say that’s ridiculous, but I don’t think so. By the age of 75 so many parts of aging impede our ability to be a good driver. Our vision is much less than it was when we were younger and our ability to physically react quickly has declined significantly. If that wasn’t the case you’d see 75 year olds playing professional sports. Hell, I don’t want to be driving past age 75! If my kids read this, please take the keys away from me when I’m 75, or earlier if warranted.

Get this, Prince Philip was seen driving around two days after the accident. He obviously doesn’t have much common sense, but for cripes sake, is everyone in the English monarchy stupid? Get that guy off the road! Get him off the left side and the right side of the road! If he wants to drive around put him in a golf cart on the castle grounds but attach a tether to it so he can’t go too far.

With all due respect, this is a serious issue. If an elderly family member is still driving and you think they shouldn’t be, please take away the keys. Yes, that may upset them, but not as much as a fatal accident will.

~Phil

My Psychic Predictions for 2019!

That’s me in the crystal ball. I’m not the lady

This is one of my favorite posts every year and in recent years seems to be a favorite of my readers and of people from all over the world. I don’t talk about it very often on my blog, but I fancy myself a soothsayer, a psychic if you will. Am I kidding? Sometimes, but not all the time, and over the years my ability to predict future events accurately has even surprised me. Enough about me, you want the goods don’t you? You want to know what the future holds right? Pull up a chair, open your mind and look into my crystal ball with me…

Aliens Attack in 2019! Yes, this is the year that half the world has been waiting for and the other half has been fearing. Planet Earth will finally have the proof that so many have been searching for confirming that there is other intelligent life in the universe. In a possibly related note, when the alien ships disappear, so will Queen Elizabeth. Oddly, a strange blue light will fill the sky over London on the night the UFO’s disappear and the Queen allegedly dies. England will report that she passed away and they will hold a magnificent funeral with a suspiciously closed casket.

2019 is The Year of The Fin, or is it Finn? Everywhere you look in 2019 you will see a Fin, or maybe a Finn. Ian Ziering played Fin Shepard on the SyFy networks Sharknado series. Finn Wolfhard played Mike Wheeler on the popular Netflix series Stranger Things. My prediction is that 2019 will be The Year of  The Fin(n) without either starring in a shark related project. I predict that you won’t be able to turn on your television without seeing one of the Fin(n)s. Unfortunately, their breakout success will lead to a new psychiatric malady called Fin(n) Fatigue for which I will be the only professionally licensed therapist. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Jump into those fin(n) infested waters at your own risk.

In 2019 the World will…not end A lot of psychics like to make headlines by predicting the end of the world. Not me. I’m going out on a limb and predicting that the world will still be here in a year. In 2009 I made my first Earth saving prediction and it was borne true in December of 2012. Remember when everybody believed that because the ancient Mayan calendar ended in December 2012 that the world would end then? Read this post I wrote in 2009 and scheduled to post in 2012. I’m feeling just as solid about 2019. I can’t make any guarantees for you personally, but this big ball of dirt will still be in orbit around the sun.

Pic courtesy of Daily Kos

The American Presidency: Yes in my minds eye I see turmoil unlike we’ve ever seen at The White House, but I am unsure if we will see a scene such as the one portrayed in the picture above. Mostly because they’ll have a hard time finding handcuffs small enough to hold his tiny hands together. Maybe these will work:

Thank you Stephen Colbert

The surprise in this is not that Trump will face legal charges, but so will his daughter Ivanka, her husband Jared Kushner, and wife Melania, who although she is allegedly Slovenian, turns out to be a Russian spy who has been controlling Donald Trump since they met.

express.co.uk

Will Brexit Exit? And What About Theresa May’s Love Life? I’m bringing back an old prediction because it looks like it will be coming true, just not in the exact time frame that I foresaw. In December of 2016 I predicted that Britain would try to reverse course and not leave the European Union. In that prediction that you can read HERE I predicted the reversal of Brexit plans and I also predicted the hashtag #UnBrexit. Feel free to go check Twitter for that, it’s there. The oddity about this prediction is that the Brexit drama will end Theresa May’s reign as Prime Minister. She will be an outcast in her own country and will move to the United States, write love letters to imprisoned Donald Trump, and eventually begin a relationship, with conjugal visits, that will end in marriage. Sorry about that conjugal visit image that’s now stuck in your head. If it’s in my head, I want it in your head.

Whew! I’m exhausted from all that mind-bending peering into the future. I hope you enjoyed it and now you can make your plans for 2019. If you found this to be humorous and awe-inspiring feel free to share to social media using the buttons below. Have a very Happy New Years celebration tomorrow! ~Psychic Phil

Were My Psychic Predictions for 2018 Right? Let’s see!

Every year I post my psychic predictions for the following year. Some I get right and others I don’t. This is the case with every psychic in the world, but of course all the other psychics don’t post a scorecard at the end of the year like I do. I’m sensing a mass of cowardice from the other psychics as The Phil Factor steamrolls them with my integrity. Two years ago I predicted Kate Middleton’s third pregnancy a full 6 months before it happened. (I swear I didn’t have anything to do with it)  I also predicted Prince Harry’s engagement, although I didn’t quite get the victim  bride correct. Let’s see how I did on my 2018 predictions:

Prediction 1: 

I predicted that the Royal wedding and royal birth would take place on the same day due to the Queen mums dire illness. Sadly, the Queen is still OK and the wedding went off without a hitch. (heavy sigh) I’m starting to think that Queen Elizabeth is an alien. Stay tuned on tomorrow for my 2019 psychic predictions…

Prediction 2:

This is not me, but I’m considering the hairdo

I predicted that I would interview famous hairdo psychic Gary Spivey for my blog. This being wrong is not my fault. I foresaw this event accurately, but it seems that brillo-headed Gary Spivey did not see this coming and was unable to attend the interview due to a “scheduling conflict.” That sounds a little questionable, don’t you think? I think he was intentionally trying to ruin my prediction because he fears that my burgeoning predictive prowess might eclipse his gifts. And I have better hair.

Prediction 3:

nytimes.com

This was the scene in New York City Thursday night after an alleged massive “transformer explosion” lit the sky blue for about 20 minutes. A lot of people were tweeting about an alien invasion, but not me. I was worried that contrary to my prediction, the world was ending. When I woke up Friday morning and the world was still here intact, just as I predicted it would be last year, I made my coffee and felt a little more smug than usual. Nailed it. Psychic Phil strikes again.

Prediction 4:

I predicted that Donald Trump would resign from the American Presidency by the end of 2018. We still have a couple days to go, but I’m going roll this one over into 2019. I’m not sure if this is a psychic vibe or just wishful thinking. Speaking of Presidential…

Prediction 5:

NewSonia

I predicted that Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson would announce a run for the United States Senate in January of 2018.  Dwayne Johnson did not announce a Senate run last January, but… according to Entertainment Tonight, in response to rumors that he was considering a Presidential run in 2020, he “confirmed in April that he had taken the next step, and was actively taking meetings to “understand more” about the job. ” I’m going to call that a partial victory for my psychic noggin. I had the political vibe right but I aimed too low.

If Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson does become President I think that means that he has to abdicate his 2016 title as Sexiest Man Alive and that years title would then be bestowed upon the number 2 in the voting, yours truly, Phil “The Factor” Taylor. So, his political career is a win-win for both of us. Go Rock Go!

Or maybe I should run…

That’s The White House behind me   #Phil2020

Prediction 6: 

I predicted that the Church of Scientology would dissolve under the weight of financial fraud and that Tom Cruise (born in the same hospital as me) would start his own new religion with this as his theme song: “Just put those old religions on the shelf. I’ll make a new one myself. Today’s Gods ain’t got the same soul. Just follow me, I’m as dumb as a troll.” Sadly, this one has yet to come true, but how much fun would it be if it did?

I’ll fess up here. It looks like I got about 1.5 out of 6 correct, giving me a 25% hit rate, which isn’t bad, but it’s not as good as usual.  Don’t forget though, just because they didn’t happen this year doesn’t mean that the others aren’t going to happen at another time. When I’m looking into the future, time can be a slippery thing.

Come back tomorrow for what is usually my most popular post of the year,  My Psychic Predictions for 2019. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! The Elf From Hell

This isn’t really a throwback because it’s timely and relevant every year and I intend to keep posting it until all the demented parents stop waging psychological warfare on their young children.

elf

(12/22/2012) Most of you are familiar with the Elf on the Shelf right?  In the Elf on the Shelf tradition these poorly dressed little plastic elves are mischievous minions of the red suited overlord who spy on the every move of children and report back to their tyrannical leader. That allegedly quaint little elf doll was invented about 15 years ago as a new, and for some toy making company, moneymaking tradition. Fortunately for my kids I wasn’t aware of The Elf on the Shelf when they were young enough to believe in it.

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Parents put these little Elves on a shelf and the children are told that the Elf cannot be touched or it will lose it’s Christmas  magic. The elf allegedly flies back to the North Pole to report to Santa every night. Man kids are gullible! In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, “What a bunch of maroons!” The nightly flight is how parents explain that the Elf is in a different spot when the kids wake up each morning.

Of course this crazy little ruse makes kids behave in the weeks leading up to Christmas! They’re terrified! Are you kidding me? Even now if you told me a Chuckie doll was going to sit on my shelf and stare at me while I slept, or that it might be moving around my house at night? I would never go to sleep again. The kids have got to be too terrified or too tired to misbehave. No wonder they have a weeks vacation from school after Christmas. They probably spend that week sleeping for the first time in a month.

onemomsworld.wordpress.com

onemomsworld.wordpress.com

I have a friend who says that after her kids are asleep she will pose the Elf somewhere to make it appear as if the Elf had gotten into mischief overnight, such as putting him next to a tipped over jar of something, or maybe on a desk next to some torn up papers. So her kids wake up imagining that this creepy little doll with the frozen scary clown smile is moving about the house in the dark destroying things. How much longer before someone imagines the doll picking up a knife? What if in some home where they’re torturing their kids with the Elf on the Shelf, just by coincidence, their elderly dog or cat were to pass away during the night? What do you suppose those kids are going to think for the rest of their lives?

This tradition sounds like psychological warfare against children. How long before we see kids who have grown up with this tradition seeking counseling for PTED, Post-Traumatic Elf Disorder?

dannyoulittlerock.com

dannyoulittlerock.com

Happy Holidays to you and your families. If you really want something mysterious and far less traumatic to just appear somewhere this holiday season you could give my book, Time To Lie,  available in paperback, e-book, and Audible. Give the gift of reading this holiday season and have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Shitty Lettuce Starts World War 3

MSN.com

Last week the entire population of the United States, except me, was thrown into a nutritional panic when the Centers For Disease Control sent out a dire warning about ALL Romaine lettuce being contaminated by E. Coli, or in other words,  poop.

The current President of the United States, confused about the origin of Romaine lettuce, declared war on Romania tweeting, “If THE Romanians think THEY can bring the GREAT United States to their knees by pooping on our lettuce they have ANOTHER thing coming! Fake news! Covfefe! I hereby declare war on Romania!” 

Daily Kos

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said, “Although Romaine lettuce doesn’t specifically or directly come from Romania, (then she rolled her eyes and sighed heavily) the President has decided to take no chances in his efforts to protect the American people from (using finger quotes)biology warfare.”

According to reports from the White House, Donald Trump has mobilized troops to the border of Romania. Trumps attempted invasion of Romania was stymied when U.S. troops discovered that Romania has put up a wall to keep foreigners out. The irony was lost on Trump who immediately accused the Romanians of stealing his idea.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

Photo courtesy of Charles Schultz

In the United States it’s traditional to get together with family on Thanksgiving and share the important things you’re thankful for before gorging yourself on a meal centered on the large, dead carcass of the ugliest bird in North America. Every year everyone shares the usual platitudes about being thankful for family, friends and good heath. Duh! Who can’t come up with that? When I decided to write this I set out to write a positive, uplifting post so that my loyal readers don’t think that my every thought and written or spoken word are tinged with biting sarcasm. So without further adieu, here are some of the everyday things I am thankful for:

1. Girl Scout Cookies: Holy crap! Paradise in cookie form! Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos, Tagalongs, Samoas, Dulce de Leche and many more. Most of the names are completely meaningless in relation to what the actual cookie is, but who the hell cares? I think the mysteriously weird names add to our desire for them. Great cookies, but the Girl Scouts organization is one of the dumbest businesses in existence. They have a product that is universally loved and they only sell it one month a year? Morons! All of them. Their stupid little badges certainly aren’t in business administration. If they sold those cookies year round they’d be a multi-billion dollar operation listed on the New York Stock Exchange. If they sold those cookies year round they could put crack cocaine out of business.

2. The Keurig Coffee Maker: I don’t give a rat’s ass if they price those stupid little “pods” at $5.00 each, it will be well worth it if I can keep getting my morning cup of joe in 30 seconds. My time is valuable and Keurig gave me back about 5 minutes of every morning where I don’t have to stand there staring a a gurgling coffee maker.

3. Screw cap wine bottles: How does it make the wine better if you have to use a separate device that looks like it was designed for medieval torture to open it? And how often have you had the cork break and you have to use all sorts of improvised techniques to get it out and then the wine still has a bunch cork pieces in it that you fish out with your fingers? My wine sources tell me the screw cap is coming back. Simpler is better. Leave the corks for the French snobs to wrestle with. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, all wine bottles will have screw caps.

4. Twitter: As you know, I love my Twitter. If anything big happens anywhere in the world it’s on Twitter instantly. If I need a laugh, give me one minute with my Twitter feed and one of the everyday comedic geniuses on Twitter will give me a smile. Want to know an opposing viewpoint? It’s there on Twitter.

All of You: Lastly I’m thankful for all of you, friends, family, co-workers, and strangers from all over the world. You make my day with your likes and comments. Happy American Thanksgiving to you no matter where you’re reading this from. In the comments, if you’re in the bathroom hiding from family, why don’t you add something unusual that you’re thankful for today!

Have a great day! ~Phil

Daylight Stupid Time

This is my bi-annual reminder that this weekend in the U.S. we move our clocks back by an hour and my reminder that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 100 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks, we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about 10 years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end. First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 100 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks back an hour now but we turn them ahead in the Spring, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anything from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2020