(Aug. 7, 2007) Yesterday started out normally enough and then I saw the first clown. Yes, I said the first clown. There is no circus in town. There was no parade yesterday. But there he was, in front of the guitar store waiting for a ride. He sat on the bench and carefully arranged his clown suitcase and his other clown accoutrements in front of him as he waited. I became self-conscious that he might notice me staring even though I was watching him in my rear view mirror. He appeared to look in my direction, right at my rear view mirror and into my soul. A chill crept across my heart. I looked down for a moment, fearful that he was returning my gaze and I’d suddenly be mesmerized by his piercing stare. Then when I looked up again he was gone. It was so sudden that I wasn’t certain he’d ever been there. There was no car pulling away. No trail of endless brightly colored handkerchiefs as he walked away. Just nothing. He was…gone.
Later in the day I was driving home from running some errands and as I stopped at a traffic light I looked at the car turning left, crossing the intersection in front of me. What I saw looking back at me was unbelieveable. Two clowns in a car. Yep, only two. But they were clowns in full makeup looking at me as they passed. “WTF,” I thought. And then they were gone, just like the other one.
Why? Why are all these clowns showing up? What is the meaning? Why are they following me? As far as omens go, this can’t be a good one. Randomly seeing three clowns in one day with no circus or parade going on? That is effing weird. Enjoy your coulrophobia! Have a great Thursday! ~Phil
I’d like to address a very serious subject that has been in the news this week thanks to the clown pictured above. . I’m talking about a malady if you will, that afflicts thousands, maybe millions, of people each and every day. It is a subject of such horror, such an abomination, that those who suffer from this disorder hide it, even from their loved ones. I am, of course, speaking of Coulrophobia. No, Coulrophobia is not the fear of Dave Coulier. If it were, that would be my problem. Well, me and Alanis Morissette.
Coulrophobia is “the irrational and persistent fear of clowns.” Yes, it is so prevalent it has been given a scientific name by psychologists. Apparently this is a very serious subject because there are hundreds of websites dedicated to discussing and curing this fear. I don’t get it!!!! What the hell is so scary about a guy in makeup, big pants, and floppy red shoes? You know what they say, big feet big… I suppose that’s why they have to wear the big pants. Do you Coulrophobes think that the squirting flower they wear is symbolic of what’s going on in the big pants perhaps? Is it the swollen red nose that suggests alcoholism? C’mon, we all have a lovable, old drunk somewhere in our family tree!
The coulrophobes in the small city of Northampton, England have a problem. On Friday the 13th, eight days ago, the fellow in the picture above just started showing up on street corners and staring and waving at people. No one knows who he is. Dressed as Pennywise the Clown from Stephen King’s It, he just shows up and stares and waves. Sometimes it’s at night when he does this. Needless to say some blokes were a bit unsettled. Not to fear though a new character has entered this drama.
A goofball calling himself “Boris the Clown Catcher” has entered the fray vowing to protect Northampton. Later in the week however The Northampton Clown allowed an interview to the local paper in which he described his appearances as “harmless fun.” The Northampton Clown has also set up a Facebook page where you can post messages and follow his hijinks. If you don’t think this guy is hilarious I’m not sure you can be my friend anymore. This is exactly the kind of thing I would do if I didn’t have a full-time job.
For this post I did send a message to the Northampton Clown in hopes of landing an interview, but have yet to get a response. Check out the short video in the linked article for a little more clown related fun from The Northampton Chronicle and Echo. As always, if you enjoyed your stay at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons. Oh, and buy my books. They’re way funnier than scary clowns.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor.