Tag Archives: superhero humor

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Worst Superheroes

Photo by Edy Hardjo & featured on DigitalSynopsis.com

Lately it seems that every month there’s a new blockbuster super hero movie coming out. That got me to thinking, what if the superheroes were just a little bit different…

1. Wonder Bread Woman: She makes one heck of a PB&J. She leaves a plate of them out and hopes the villains get hungry.

Aquaman is property of DC Comics

2. AquaNet Man: He has a beautiful head of hair and knows what to do with it.

3. Super Pooper Man: He knocks out bad guys with lactose intolerance induced flatulence. A glass of milk is his kryptonite.

4. Spider Veins Man: He always wears short shorts but probably shouldn’t. His legs look so bad the criminals surrender out of sympathy.

5. Captain ‘Murica: He’s a redneck that chases villains in his car crushing monster truck. He just rolls down the window and throws Bud Light cans at them.

6. Iron Man: He really should be Ironic Man because his name is ironic. He’s called iron man because he’s anemic and has to take iron supplements all day. He tires quickly. The criminals keep running until he wears down and has to quit.

7. Green Lantern: It’s actually just an eleven year old kid with one of those plastic light sabers that lights up green and makes that cool noise when you swing it around. He tries to entertain the bad guys until the cops show up.

Picture courtesy of despair.com

8. The Flash-er: He just opens his trench coat and hopes the bad guys are so surprised that they stop what they’re doing. There’s also warrants for his arrest in seven states and he’s not allowed within 500 feet of schools.

9. The Invisible Woman: She has cyber relationships with lots of guys but nobody has ever met her. It’s probably just a creepy old dude.

10.  Green Arrow: Let me get this straight, his super power is being really good at archery? Back in school the archery team was for the people that weren’t athletic enough to make the bowling team. You know the saying, don’t bring a knife to a gun fight. Don’t bring an arrow either. Someone will shoot you. With a bullet.

Have a super Tuesday! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

Throwback Thursdays! It’s a Bird, it’s a Plane, it’s Captain Retrospect! (7/31/2006)

I’m sorry I didn’t get this out this morning. In retrospect I should have set it up days ago and scheduled it to auto-post in my absence.

R

We all know Captain Retrospect. Captain Retrospect is that super-hero in everyone’s life who has the uncanny ability to point out your mistakes and then tell you what they would have done had they been in your shoes.

Sometimes we work with Captain Retrospect, sometimes we’re married to him or her and sometimes we’re just friends with Captain Retrospect. Regardless of where we encounter Captain Retrospect, we are always annoyed by him or her. Captain Retrospect is especially annoying at work as either your co-worker or supervisor. Captain Retrospect especially likes using his or her special powers in public situations, such as a staff meeting or in front of a customer. “Oh…you’re never going to get that done by the deadline. You know what I would’ve done? I would have pre-ordered extra copies of Form 1742G and then forwarded them in anticipation of the deadline. That way you could have completed the inventory long before now.”

I think we all had Captain Retrospect as a childhood friend. As you’re being carried home by Captain Retrospect and another friend, Captain Retrospect, whose powers were evident early in life, usually said something like, “I knew you never should have jumped off that tree. I was just about to tell you there was a fence below you.”

We all also had Captain Retrospect as a close friend in college too, didn’t we? “Dude! There is no way I would have done that. I totally knew the cops were going to show up. What were you thinking?”  At this point Captain Retrospect is usually lucky we were already in handcuffs.

In a relationship Captain Retrospect is especially dangerous. Captain Retrospect can be either a guy or a girl. “I knew it wouldn’t work. I wanted to try the other thing and now you’re feelings are all hurt. Well it’s not my fault. You should have listened to me.”  Or perhaps Captain Retrospect is a friend who offers helpful commentary on your relationships: “You should have dumped him a long time ago. I knew he was a player, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. How could you not see the signs?” Is it any wonder that Captain Retrospect never got invited to join the Superfriends?

As always if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons. If you didn’t enjoy The Phil Factor please be a Captain Tetrospect and in the comments section tell me how you would have written it better.