Throwback Thursdays! North by North West

Originally posted on The Phil Factor on June 22, 2013


When Kim and Kanye Kardashian saddled their new child with the name North this week it gave me an idea. I’m going to become a lawyer and move to Hollywood. “But Phil, why would you quit your lucrative blogging career?” Thanks for asking, I’m going to tell you. I believe that being a lawyer in Hollywood will be a very financially sound career move in about 15 years. “But Phil, aren’t there already millions of sleazy lawyers in Hollywood? How would you be different?” My but you’re the curious one today. Alright, I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be just any sleazy Hollywood lawyer. I’m going to specialize in a certain type of lawsuits. I’m going to have a niche! I’m also going to stop starting all my sentences with I’m. “But Phil, what niche is this you speak of?” Damn you’re full of questions aren’t you? Well, because you’re my special friend, I’ll answer those questions, just for you.

Apple, Crumpet, Maddox, Coco, Diezel, Banjo, Satchel, Pilot, Sparrow, Willow, Tennessee, Blue Ivy, Ocean, and now North. What may initially look like a string of random foods,  inanimate objects, and directions is actually a list of celebrity baby names. This is just a short list too. Doing my research for this I actually had to stop myself because the list goes on and on. When these kids grow up, they are not going to be happy with their parents. I’m in my forties and I still haven’t forgiven my parents for my middle name of Francis. (Can you imagine how often I’ve heard someone say “Lighten up Francis“?) I can’t even imagine how mad these Hollywood kids are going to be.

So what’s a kid to do when they grow up wealthy, aimless, and stuck with a stupid name? Get a reality show? Maybe. More importantly, they can sue their parents! That’s where I’ll step in to fill the void. Phil Factor, Esquire to the rescue! As many of us know, if you have an unusual first, middle, or last name children can be cruel in their teasing. I will approach each of the aforementioned celebrity children and offer to help secure their financial future by seeking compensation for their lifelong pain and suffering. See? I already sound like a lawyer!

As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. Also, if you like my writing in small bits you might even like more of it! My humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is now available in all e-bookstores as is my second book, Fifty Shades of Phil, a compilation of the 50 best posts from the last 8 years of The Phil Factor, is available for only 99 cents.  And by all means follow me on Facebook and Twitter. I am totally diggin’ on that social media action lately. Have a great Thursday! ~ Phil


13 responses to “Throwback Thursdays! North by North West

  1. I don’t know if there is anything more ludicrous than the newfangled baby names of the celebrity . The air must be thin on those Hollywood Hills

  2. Hysterical! I think your new career will be very profitable! Blessings!

  3. Harkens back to a post I wrote a long time ago. I think we should all just take a tip from celebrities and start looking at random objects in our home and medicine cabinets for inspiration when naming our children. Imagine the possibilities!

  4. Wow. I opened this post hoping to see James Mason or Cary Grant. What a sign of the times. 😉

  5. As a person with a weird name — Jolene, I can agree with you. However, I continued my maternal line — 6 generations of weird names for oldest girls, and she can hate me later, and will likely do the same to her own 😉 LOL

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