Yaaa! Adam Levine and his wife Basmati Prinsloo have a new baby daughter and her name is dusty rose. Oops, I guess since that random combination of words is actually a name, I should capitalize it. Dusty Rose. Here’s picture of Dusty Rose:
She’s adorable isn’t she! They named her after a color, and it’s not even a good color! Maybe she can go to school with with Kim Kardashian and Kanye Wests’ daughter, North West. Here she is:
Imagine being a teacher in a school full of these idiotically named celebrity kids:
“Kids, it’s time to line up to go to lunch! Everyone over to the door, single file. Yes, Blue Ivy, you can go to the bathroom first, but hurry up. Rocket Zot! Stop cutting in line. Now you have to go back and get behind Zuma. Royalty and Bear Blaze, could you push in all the chairs, please. (little girl quietly tugs on teachers jacket) Yes Apple, there will be a vegan, gluten free, free-range soy option at lunch. Jermajesty! It’s Pilot Inspektor and Siri‘s, I mean Suri‘s turn to erase the board. You can do it after recess. Moxie Crimefighter, could you take the attendance list and run it down to the office?”
All the names are hyperlinked to articles online so you can see who the guilty parents are, if you don’t know. Yes, Moxie Crimefighter is a child’s real name. She’s the daughter of magician Penn Jillette, who himself is named after an inanimate object or a verb. Of all the stupid celebrity child names, I like that one best. But it’s possible that Moxie doesn’t. That is why I’m going to do two things:
1. I’m going to become a lawyer, and when all these idiotically named kids turn 18, I’m going to help them sue their parents for the emotional distress caused by their ridiculous names. Rich kids filing lawsuits? Cha-ching! That’s a money making bonanza for a lawyer!
2. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that each hospital must have a board of three intelligent, sane people who approve baby names before they’re typed on the birth certificate. Then another law that says that you have to keep your normal name until you’re 21, at which time, if you want, you can change it to Bottle Opener or Zoomba Tai Chi or even Batman. BUT…once you change it at 21 you’re stuck with it for life, like a tattoo.
If I were to legally change my name right now, I just might change it to The Phil Factor. In the comments, if you were to change your name to something creative, what would you pick?
Have a great Saturday! ~Phil