Tag Archives: Celebrity Baby Names

The More Famous, The More Idiotic They Are

From Twitter

From Twitter

Yaaa! Adam Levine and his wife Basmati Prinsloo have a new baby daughter and her name is dusty rose. Oops, I guess since that random combination of words is actually a name, I should capitalize it. Dusty Rose. Here’s picture of Dusty Rose:

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She’s adorable isn’t she! They named her after a color, and it’s not even a good color! Maybe she can go to school with with Kim Kardashian and Kanye Wests’ daughter, North West. Here she is:

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Imagine being a teacher in a school full of these idiotically named celebrity kids:

“Kids, it’s time to line up to go to lunch! Everyone over to the door, single file. Yes, Blue Ivy, you can go to the bathroom first, but hurry up. Rocket Zot! Stop cutting in line. Now you have to go back and get behind Zuma. Royalty and Bear Blaze, could you push in all the chairs, please. (little girl quietly tugs on teachers jacket) Yes Apple, there will be a vegan, gluten free, free-range soy option at lunch. Jermajesty! It’s Pilot Inspektor and Siri‘s, I mean Suri‘s  turn to erase the board. You can do it after recess. Moxie Crimefighter, could you take the attendance list and run it down to the office?”

All the names are hyperlinked to articles online so you can see who the guilty parents are, if you don’t know. Yes, Moxie Crimefighter is a child’s real name. She’s the daughter of magician Penn Jillette, who himself is named after an inanimate object or a verb. Of all the stupid celebrity child names, I like that one best. But it’s possible that Moxie doesn’t. That is why I’m going to do two things:

1. I’m going to become a lawyer, and when all these idiotically named kids turn 18, I’m going to help them sue their parents for the emotional distress caused by their ridiculous names. Rich kids filing lawsuits? Cha-ching! That’s a money making bonanza for a lawyer!

2. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that each hospital must have a board of three intelligent, sane people who approve baby names before they’re typed on the birth certificate. Then another law that says that you have to keep your normal name until you’re 21, at which time, if you want,  you can change it to Bottle Opener or Zoomba Tai Chi or even Batman. BUT…once you change it at 21 you’re stuck with it for life, like a tattoo.

If I were to legally change my name right now, I just might change it to The Phil Factor. In the comments, if you were to change your name to something creative, what would you pick?

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

 

Throwback Thursdays! North by North West

Originally posted on The Phil Factor on June 22, 2013

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When Kim and Kanye Kardashian saddled their new child with the name North this week it gave me an idea. I’m going to become a lawyer and move to Hollywood. “But Phil, why would you quit your lucrative blogging career?” Thanks for asking, I’m going to tell you. I believe that being a lawyer in Hollywood will be a very financially sound career move in about 15 years. “But Phil, aren’t there already millions of sleazy lawyers in Hollywood? How would you be different?” My but you’re the curious one today. Alright, I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be just any sleazy Hollywood lawyer. I’m going to specialize in a certain type of lawsuits. I’m going to have a niche! I’m also going to stop starting all my sentences with I’m. “But Phil, what niche is this you speak of?” Damn you’re full of questions aren’t you? Well, because you’re my special friend, I’ll answer those questions, just for you.

Apple, Crumpet, Maddox, Coco, Diezel, Banjo, Satchel, Pilot, Sparrow, Willow, Tennessee, Blue Ivy, Ocean, and now North. What may initially look like a string of random foods,  inanimate objects, and directions is actually a list of celebrity baby names. This is just a short list too. Doing my research for this I actually had to stop myself because the list goes on and on. When these kids grow up, they are not going to be happy with their parents. I’m in my forties and I still haven’t forgiven my parents for my middle name of Francis. (Can you imagine how often I’ve heard someone say “Lighten up Francis“?) I can’t even imagine how mad these Hollywood kids are going to be.

So what’s a kid to do when they grow up wealthy, aimless, and stuck with a stupid name? Get a reality show? Maybe. More importantly, they can sue their parents! That’s where I’ll step in to fill the void. Phil Factor, Esquire to the rescue! As many of us know, if you have an unusual first, middle, or last name children can be cruel in their teasing. I will approach each of the aforementioned celebrity children and offer to help secure their financial future by seeking compensation for their lifelong pain and suffering. See? I already sound like a lawyer!

As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. Also, if you like my writing in small bits you might even like more of it! My humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is now available in all e-bookstores as is my second book, Fifty Shades of Phil, a compilation of the 50 best posts from the last 8 years of The Phil Factor, is available for only 99 cents.  And by all means follow me on Facebook and Twitter. I am totally diggin’ on that social media action lately. Have a great Thursday! ~ Phil

 

North by North West

kim-kardashian-kanye-west-baby-name-copyright__oPt

When Kim and Kanye Kardashian saddled their new child with the name North this week it gave me an idea. I’m going to become a lawyer and move to Hollywood. “But Phil, why would you quit your lucrative blogging career?” Thanks for asking, I’m going to tell you. I believe that being a lawyer in Hollywood will be a very financially sound career move in about 15 years. “But Phil, aren’t there already millions of sleazy lawyers in Hollywood? How would you be different?” My but you’re the curious one today. Alright, I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be just any sleazy Hollywood lawyer. I’m going to specialize in a certain type of lawsuits. I’m going to have a niche! I’m also going to stop starting all my sentences with I’m. “But Phil, what niche is this you speak of?” Damn you’re full of questions aren’t you? Well, because you’re my special friend, I’ll answer those questions, just for you.

Apple, Crumpet, Maddox, Coco, Diezel, Banjo, Satchel, Pilot, Sparrow, Willow, Tennessee, Blue Ivy, Ocean, and now North. What may initially look like a string of random foods,  inanimate objects, and directions is actually a list of celebrity baby names. This is just a short list too. Doing my research for this I actually had to stop myself because the list goes on and on. When these kids grow up, they are not going to be happy with their parents. I’m in my forties and I still haven’t forgiven my parents for my middle name of Francis. (Can you imagine how often I’ve heard someone say “Lighten up Francis“?) I can’t even imagine how mad these Hollywood kids are going to be.

So what’s a kid to do when they grow up wealthy, aimless, and stuck with a stupid name? Get a reality show? Maybe. More importantly, they can sue their parents! That’s where I’ll step in to fill the void. Phil Factor, Esquire to the rescue! As many of us know, if you have an unusual first, middle, or last name children can be cruel in their teasing. I will approach each of the aforementioned celebrity children and offer to help secure their financial future by seeking compensation for their lifelong pain and suffering. See? I already sound like a lawyer!

As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. Also, if you like my writing in small bits you might even like more of it! My humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is now available in all e-bookstores and next Saturday my second book, Fifty Shades of Phil, a compilation of the 50 best posts from the last 8 years of The Phil Factor, will be available.  And by all means follow me on Facebook and Twitter. I am totally diggin’ on that social media action lately.