Tag Archives: Kanye West

Throwback Thursday! Kanye Worst…Human Being Ever

(Feb. 20, 2016) “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove doubt” ~attributed to either Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain.

1432152088-o740d

Just like Kanye Worst, I break the rules. In this case I broke my own rules against torturing people with GIFs, but Kanye is so horrible that I had to do something equally horrible. If any human has ever embodied the Abe Lincoln/Mark Twain quote better than Kanye Worst, I have no idea who it is, although Donald Trump is gaining fast.

Apparently last week was Kanye Worst Week and nobody told me. I don’t think anyone told Kanye either, he just forced himself upon the public consciousness whether we wanted it or not. We didn’t.

Let’s review the last week in the life of Kanye Worst”

Feb. 10: At an album release party/fashion show in NYC he announced that he’s creating a video game about his late mother “traveling through the gates of heaven.” If Kanye Worst makes a video game it should be called Call of Doody.

Feb. 11: He rented out Madison Square Garden and stocked it with 700 models to promote his clothing line and release his new album at the same time. A line from one of his songs says, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / I made that bitch famous.” I assume he’s talking about Taylor Swift, with whom he has an ongoing public feud, and not me. I hope.

Feb.13: Kanye Worst was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, of whom he once said in a song in 2010, “Fuck SNL and the whole cast / tell ‘em Yeezy said they can kiss my whole ass.” At least it rhymed.

Feb. 13: Tweeted that he’s $53 million in debt. 

Feb. 14: Used Twitter to ask Facebook owner Mark Zuckerberg to invest a billion dollars in him. Hey Kanye, maybe next time you want money from Facebook you should try sending a Facebook message.

Feb. 14: At the Grammy Awards, where Taylor Swift won one and Kanye Worst did not, again, Taylor Swift took a shot at Kanye by saying, “there are going to be people along the way who are going to try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame,”

aisle

Ok, I’m only four days into the last week of Kanye Worst’s life and I’m tired of him already. You’re getting the gist though, right? He’s been a busy asshat. But at least he’s consistent. Here’s some more of his “hijinks”

2004: Stormed out of the American Music Awards after another artist won the Best New Artist award.

kanye-west-mike-myers-hurricane-katrina-relief-tv-news-2005-photo-GC

2005: During a live televised fundraising concert for Hurricane Katrina, Kanye Worst took the stage with comedian/actor Mike Myers and went completely off script on a one minute rant about the media’s portrayal of African-American survivors of the tragedy and concluded by saying “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”

2006: At the MTV Europe Music Awards he crashed the stage and launched into a profanity laced rant after someone else won the Best Hip Hop Artist Award.

2009: Interrupted Taylor Swift on stage who was accepting her MTV Music Award for best video to rant that Beyonce’ deserved the award.

2013: Named his daughter North West.

Seriously, who has a problem with Taylor Swift? That’s like hating Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. I so wish I had the time and patience to take a picture of Dorothy and the Wicked Witch of the West and photoshop Taylor and Kaye’s heads into it. Picture that and laugh to yourself.

2018 update: And on May 1 of 2018 while visiting TMZ headquarters Kanye referred to “400 years of slavery” as a “choice.”

You’ve got to give the man credit for consistency though. He’s dedicated. That’s over a decade of being a public nutjob. I can’t really say that he’s the worst human being ever because there’s still Bill Cosby and serial killers, but Kanye is definitely climbing that list. I believe that he has earned the name Kanye Worst. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, Kanye will probably storm the stage and protest, but after that I will officially change his name on all legal documents to Kanye Worst, and I will decree that in the dictionary next to the word asshat there will be a picture of him.

Ironically, Kanye Worst himself would probably be proud of a rant like this. Kanye, if you’ve got a problem with me feel free to tweet me. Maybe I’ll give you that billion. Have a great Thursday everybody! ~Phil

Kanye Worst…Human Being Ever?

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove doubt” ~attributed to either Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain.

1432152088-o740d

Just like Kanye Worst, I break the rules. In this case I broke my own rules against torturing people with GIFs, but Kanye is so horrible that I had to do something equally horrible. If any human has ever embodied the Abe Lincoln/Mark Twain quote better than Kanye Worst, I have no idea who it is, although Donald Trump is gaining fast.

Apparently last week was Kanye Worst Week and nobody told me. I don’t think anyone told Kanye either, he just forced himself upon the public consciousness whether we wanted it or not. We didn’t.

Let’s review the last week in the life of Kanye Worst”

Feb. 10: At an album release party/fashion show in NYC he announced that he’s creating a video game about his late mother “traveling through the gates of heaven.” If Kanye Worst makes a video game it should be called Call of Doody.

Feb. 11: He rented out Madison Square Garden and stocked it with 700 models to promote his clothing line and release his new album at the same time. A line from one of his songs says, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / I made that bitch famous.” I assume he’s talking about Taylor Swift, with whom he has an ongoing public feud, and not me. I hope.

Feb.13: Kanye Worst was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, of whom he once said in a song in 2010, “Fuck SNL and the whole cast / tell ‘em Yeezy said they can kiss my whole ass.” At least it rhymed.

Feb. 13: Tweeted that he’s $53 million in debt. 

Feb. 14: Used Twitter to ask Facebook owner Mark Zuckerberg to invest a billion dollars in him. Hey Kanye, maybe next time you want money from Facebook you should try sending a Facebook message.

Feb. 14: At the Grammy Awards, where Taylor Swift won one and Kanye Worst did not, again, Taylor Swift took a shot at Kanye by saying, “there are going to be people along the way who are going to try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame,”

aisle

Ok, I’m only four days into the last week of Kanye Worst’s life and I’m tired of him already. You’re getting the gist though, right? He’s been a busy asshat. But at least he’s consistent. Here’s some more of his “hijinks”

2004: Stormed out of the American Music Awards after another artist won the Best New Artist award.

kanye-west-mike-myers-hurricane-katrina-relief-tv-news-2005-photo-GC

2005: During a live televised fundraising concert for Hurricane Katrina, Kanye Worst took the stage with comedian/actor Mike Myers and went completely off script on a one minute rant about the media’s portrayal of African-American survivors of the tragedy and concluded by saying “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”

2006: At the MTV Europe Music Awards he crashed the stage and launched into a profanity laced rant after someone else won the Best Hip Hop Artist Award.

2009: Interrupted Taylor Swift on stage who was accepting her MTV Music Award for best video to rant that Beyonce’ deserved the award.

2013: Named his daughter North West.

Seriously, who has a problem with Taylor Swift? That’s like hating Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. I so wish I had the time and patience to take a picture of Dorothy and the Wicked Witch of the West and photoshop Taylor and Kaye’s heads into it. Picture that and laugh to yourself.

You’ve got to give the man credit for consistency though. He’s dedicated. That’s over a decade of being a public nutjob. I can’t really say that he’s the worst human being ever because there’s still Bill Cosby and serial killers, but Kanye is definitely climbing that list. I believe that he has earned the name Kanye Worst. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, Kanye will probably storm the stage and protest, but after that I will officially change his name on all legal documents to Kanye Worst, and I will decree that in the dictionary next to the word asshat there will be a picture of him.

Ironically, Kanye Worst himself would probably be proud of a rant like this. Kanye, if you’ve got a problem with me feel free to tweet me. Maybe I’ll give you that billion. Have a great Saturday everybody! ~Phil

Throwback Thursdays! North by North West

Originally posted on The Phil Factor on June 22, 2013

kim-kardashian-kanye-west-baby-name-copyright__oPt

When Kim and Kanye Kardashian saddled their new child with the name North this week it gave me an idea. I’m going to become a lawyer and move to Hollywood. “But Phil, why would you quit your lucrative blogging career?” Thanks for asking, I’m going to tell you. I believe that being a lawyer in Hollywood will be a very financially sound career move in about 15 years. “But Phil, aren’t there already millions of sleazy lawyers in Hollywood? How would you be different?” My but you’re the curious one today. Alright, I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be just any sleazy Hollywood lawyer. I’m going to specialize in a certain type of lawsuits. I’m going to have a niche! I’m also going to stop starting all my sentences with I’m. “But Phil, what niche is this you speak of?” Damn you’re full of questions aren’t you? Well, because you’re my special friend, I’ll answer those questions, just for you.

Apple, Crumpet, Maddox, Coco, Diezel, Banjo, Satchel, Pilot, Sparrow, Willow, Tennessee, Blue Ivy, Ocean, and now North. What may initially look like a string of random foods,  inanimate objects, and directions is actually a list of celebrity baby names. This is just a short list too. Doing my research for this I actually had to stop myself because the list goes on and on. When these kids grow up, they are not going to be happy with their parents. I’m in my forties and I still haven’t forgiven my parents for my middle name of Francis. (Can you imagine how often I’ve heard someone say “Lighten up Francis“?) I can’t even imagine how mad these Hollywood kids are going to be.

So what’s a kid to do when they grow up wealthy, aimless, and stuck with a stupid name? Get a reality show? Maybe. More importantly, they can sue their parents! That’s where I’ll step in to fill the void. Phil Factor, Esquire to the rescue! As many of us know, if you have an unusual first, middle, or last name children can be cruel in their teasing. I will approach each of the aforementioned celebrity children and offer to help secure their financial future by seeking compensation for their lifelong pain and suffering. See? I already sound like a lawyer!

As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. Also, if you like my writing in small bits you might even like more of it! My humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is now available in all e-bookstores as is my second book, Fifty Shades of Phil, a compilation of the 50 best posts from the last 8 years of The Phil Factor, is available for only 99 cents.  And by all means follow me on Facebook and Twitter. I am totally diggin’ on that social media action lately. Have a great Thursday! ~ Phil

 

Fun with Search Terms!

This is my quarterly Edward Snowden-like reminder that whenever you put a search term into Google, someone somewhere may be reading it.  Here are some of the most unique search terms that have brought people to The Phil Factor, with what I hope is humorous commentary.

1. Original drummer Motorhead:

philthyfinal

My secret is finally out and I’m so relieved. Yes, I was the drummer for a British heavy metal band in the 1980’s

2. Horniestintheland.com: When I do my ‘Fun with Search Terms’ post every 90 days or so this phrase always comes up at least once. I suppose Horniest in the Land is some sort of title. I wasn’t aware I entered that contest, but OK, I’ll take any recognition I can get. I’m sure it’s a website, but I’m not going there. Check for me and report back in the comments here.

3. Sad emo sith in the floor: That’s right, The Phil Factor is where all the depressed Star Wars fans go. I really hate when I leave my emo sith all over the floor. I’m constantly tripping on them. They’re worse than stepping on Legos. Pro tip for parents of small children: Don’t buy them Legos. Or emo sith.

4. to much bees massacred that man ehead only see that in canada the bees stay on head of the man only: Well obviously. Why wouldn’t this lead people to my blog?

5. Should I be scared of invisible germs? Yes. Yes you should. I sneezed on my computer while typing this blog and now you’re catching my cold.

6. where can i find the forms one needs to fill for the upcoming audition in tpf: (TPF = The Phil Factor) The forms to audition for The Phil Factor can be found on my “About Me” page, although based on your lack of capitalization when typing your search term I don’t have a good feeling about your chances.

7. the angry beavers smoking weed: I hope the weed smoking helps those beavers relax a little. Then again, if smoking pot gives you the munchies, who wants hungry beavers around?

beaver

8. Are Phil Taylor’s children disabled? Their only disability is having me as a father.

9.  Kanye West loser jerk: I’m thrilled that my blog is the answer to this question.

10. Happy hump day sexy guy pics: Hell yeah! Did you see the picture on the top left of this page of me leaning on the car? And I’m not sexy just on hump day either.

As always, feel free to share #ThePhilFactor by Facebook, Twitter, re-blogging, or any other social media means. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

2013 Winners and Losers: Kim, Kanye, Phil, Miley and The Biebs

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I know not all of you are from the States but surely you’ll be familiar with at least some of these story lines:

Miley Cyrus: After Miley’s bawdy “twerking” demonstration with Robin Thicke at the VMA’s there was literally public outrage. Really everybody? We’re mad because she did a kind of weird, kind of sexy, kind of dance? I wasn’t alive in the 1950’s, but apparently everybody was so upset about some guy named Elvis moving his hips, the 50’s version of twerking, that the networks wouldn’t show his hips on TV. Remember the 1980’s when everyone was aghast about Madonna‘s sexual songs and revealing outfits? The network, the VMA’s and Robin Thicke were all in on this and everybody is calling Miley crazy. She’s crazy like a fox. Or maybe crazy like Charlie Sheen. We’re still talking about it and we all loved Wrecking Ball. Who wins? #MileyCyrus.

KimKanye

Kanye West: This one was a battle of the titans. Kanye West vs. the Kardashians. Kanye won, but ultimately he will lose. Kanye won the baby name battle but he will lose the war. Dude was so desperate to revive his flagging career that he married a Kardashian. Kim changes husbands like I change my underwear, at least once a year. Mark my words, 2014 will see Kanye sent packing and baby North will take on the Kardashian name. If that happens, consider yourself lucky my friend. Look at what they did to Bruce Jenner. Kanye would have been better off changing his name to Kardashian. Does he even still make music anymore? Verdict: Loser.

Kim Jong Un: I tricked you when I put Kim in the title. Some of you may have missed this, but after his crazy dad died Kim Jong Un took over control of North Korea and just a couple weeks ago had his uncle killed just to consolidate his power. Dude has got some serious family issues. Stomping out dictators and global bad guys is like playing Whack-a-mole. Once you knock off one another one pops up to take his place. I’m not psychic but but I’m getting the feeling that Kim Jong Un  may have drones in his future, and not the ones delivering from Amazon. Kim Jong Un may think he’s winning, but before long history books will show that he is a loser.

Duck Dynasty

Phil Robertson and Duck Dynasty: I can’t believe the A&E network was shocked that an old redneck said bigoted things. My personal beliefs and politics aren’t the issue, but I am furious that you let him get away with sullying the good name of Phil. I’ve suspended him from Phil Club and he’s not getting back in. Ever. Who cares if the Duck Dynasty family walks off the set and never films another episdode? A&E, way to go caving in to a bunch of backwoods primadonnas. Way to set a precedent. As a network you have enough money and other shows to move on without Duck Dynasty and the Duck Dynasty family has enough money to walk away and not even miss the show.  Loser: A&E

Bieber

Justin Bieber: The Biebs had a rough 2013. In March he collapsed during a concert, attacked a photographer and in a tweet defending himself mocked Lindsay Lohan. He wrapped up his stellar March 2013 by spitting at a neighbor who had complained that #Bieber was driving too fast in their little neighborhood. In April while visiting the Anne Frank museum he actually wrote in the guest book, “Truly inspiring to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber.” What an idiot. I’m sure she’d have followed The Phil Factor. Then in October the able bodied #Justin Bieber is criticized worldwide for having his bodyguards carry him up the stairs at the Great Wall of China. Finally about two weeks ago he announced his retirement. Retirement from what? Being a complete jerk? Just based on 2013 I’m tempted to attach the phrase ‘colossal asshat’ to The Biebs, but I believe the jury is still out. He’s a talented kid who is only 20 years old. If I were judged on my 20 year old self I’d call me a colossal asshat too. Ok #JustinBieber, you’ve screwed up one year, it’s up to you if you screw up the rest. Verdict: Only time will tell.

As always, if you’ve enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please his the Facebook or Twitter share button below and feel free to leave a comment here as well. You know Anne Frank would. Yeah, I know I said I’d post my New Years resolutions today. Apparently I lied. I’ll post those on Monday or Tuesday. Have a great weekend!

North by North West

kim-kardashian-kanye-west-baby-name-copyright__oPt

When Kim and Kanye Kardashian saddled their new child with the name North this week it gave me an idea. I’m going to become a lawyer and move to Hollywood. “But Phil, why would you quit your lucrative blogging career?” Thanks for asking, I’m going to tell you. I believe that being a lawyer in Hollywood will be a very financially sound career move in about 15 years. “But Phil, aren’t there already millions of sleazy lawyers in Hollywood? How would you be different?” My but you’re the curious one today. Alright, I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be just any sleazy Hollywood lawyer. I’m going to specialize in a certain type of lawsuits. I’m going to have a niche! I’m also going to stop starting all my sentences with I’m. “But Phil, what niche is this you speak of?” Damn you’re full of questions aren’t you? Well, because you’re my special friend, I’ll answer those questions, just for you.

Apple, Crumpet, Maddox, Coco, Diezel, Banjo, Satchel, Pilot, Sparrow, Willow, Tennessee, Blue Ivy, Ocean, and now North. What may initially look like a string of random foods,  inanimate objects, and directions is actually a list of celebrity baby names. This is just a short list too. Doing my research for this I actually had to stop myself because the list goes on and on. When these kids grow up, they are not going to be happy with their parents. I’m in my forties and I still haven’t forgiven my parents for my middle name of Francis. (Can you imagine how often I’ve heard someone say “Lighten up Francis“?) I can’t even imagine how mad these Hollywood kids are going to be.

So what’s a kid to do when they grow up wealthy, aimless, and stuck with a stupid name? Get a reality show? Maybe. More importantly, they can sue their parents! That’s where I’ll step in to fill the void. Phil Factor, Esquire to the rescue! As many of us know, if you have an unusual first, middle, or last name children can be cruel in their teasing. I will approach each of the aforementioned celebrity children and offer to help secure their financial future by seeking compensation for their lifelong pain and suffering. See? I already sound like a lawyer!

As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. Also, if you like my writing in small bits you might even like more of it! My humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is now available in all e-bookstores and next Saturday my second book, Fifty Shades of Phil, a compilation of the 50 best posts from the last 8 years of The Phil Factor, will be available.  And by all means follow me on Facebook and Twitter. I am totally diggin’ on that social media action lately.