Tag Archives: Kim Kardashian

Throwback Thursday! Kim Kardashian’s Butt and Vacation Boobs

(11/15/2014) This is it. Mano a mano. Kim Kardashian versus #ThePhilFactor. Or rather it’s Kim Kardashian’s big bulbous butt versus my big bulbous sense of humor. Kim thought her racy pictures in PaperMag would #BreakTheInternet but she was sadly mistaken. If anybody breaks the internet it’s going to be me. Kim wanted to break it with her butt, but I’m going to break it by being an ass.

a2dee7debf51f3640

Yeah, Kim and I used to be an item way back when we were young. I was actually the first rung on her celebrity ladder. The fame and popularity of my books and The Phil Factor drew her to me. I should have known it wouldn’t last. The picture above is of us at a New Jersey Nets game. I thought she seemed just a little too eager to visit the locker room after the game. I should have known better.

Kim’s latest stunt, trying to “break the internet” by allowing the website for a little known magazine to post nude shots of her wasn’t even her or their idea. Check out this picture of myself I posted on The Phil Factor back in 2005 when Kim and I were dating.

PTKK

Look familiar? I’m pretty sure she photoshopped her head into this picture and gave it to that magazine. I’ve never shown my backside on The Phil Factor, but I’ve got glutes women would kill for. No one has yet but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Speaking of women killing for a great butt, I saw another item on the interwebs this week that caught my attention. What if you want the perfect body for lounging on the beach during your vacation but you don’t have the time to work out? Apparently there is now an answer to that. You can get “vacation boobs.”  As a guy, I love the sound of that. What it really means though is that a New York city cosmetic surgeon has developed a process where he injects saline solution directly into the breasts to inflate them for anywhere from 24 hours to two weeks. The bodily gradually absorbs the saline and the boobs shrink back to their normal size. Apparently they’re also developing a process for butts and men’s calves and pecs. Seriously ladies, when you go to the beach have you ever checked out a guys calves? I’m not even sure I have calves. I’ve never looked. And if you are single and you invest in vacation boobs or pecs and you meet someone on vacation, how do you explain the change in your body later?

Also, in another demonstration of idiocy on the world wide web this week, Katy Perry’s boyfriend DJ Diplo (it should be Dipshit if you ask me) caused waves when he tweeted that “somebody should start a Kickstarter to get Taylor Swift a booty.” Dude, what is your problem? What has Taylor Swift ever done to you? How about you worry about your own girlfriend’s booty? If I’m Katy Perry I’m kicking this guy to the curb for paying attention to Taylor Swift’s booty. If Taylor Swift is worried about this she could invest in a vacation booty. Somehow though I doubt that Taylor Swift and her billions of dollars are worrying about a tweet by that loser. Katy, you could do so much better.

I could not believe how much stupidity populated the internet this week. I’m not a celeb follower but all this stupid “news” was unavoidable. But alas the internet did not break. So why don’t we break the internet? You and me. If everyone who reads this shares it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter and re-blog buttons below it will spread far and wide until it is the only thing on the internet. I posted this at 6:40 this morning. If you’re reading it, the internet isn’t broken yet. Get clicking! C’mon, help #The Phil Factor #BreakTheInternet.

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Kim Kardashian’s Butt and Vacation Boobs

For some reason this was very popular when I posted it last year. Do you think the title is a good draw?

(11/15/15) This is it. Mano a mano. Kim Kardashian versus #ThePhilFactor. Or rather it’s Kim Kardashian’s big bulbous butt versus my big bulbous sense of humor. Kim thought her racy pictures in PaperMag would #BreakTheInternet but she was sadly mistaken. If anybody breaks the internet it’s going to be me. Kim wanted to break it with her butt, but I’m going to break it by being an ass.

a2dee7debf51f3640

Yeah, Kim and I used to be an item way back when we were young. I was actually the first rung on her celebrity ladder. The fame and popularity of my books and The Phil Factor drew her to me. I should have known it wouldn’t last. The picture above is of us at a New Jersey Nets game. I thought she seemed just a little too eager to visit the locker room after the game. I should have known better.

Kim’s latest stunt, trying to “break the internet” by allowing the website for a little known magazine to post nude shots of her wasn’t even her or their idea. Check out this picture of myself I posted on The Phil Factor back in 2005 when Kim and I were dating.

PTKK

Look familiar? I’m pretty sure she photoshopped her head into this picture and gave it to that magazine. I’ve never shown my backside on The Phil Factor, but I’ve got glutes women would kill for. No one has yet but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Speaking of women killing for a great butt, I saw another item on the interwebs this week that caught my attention. What if you want the perfect body for lounging on the beach during your vacation but you don’t have the time to work out? Apparently there is now an answer to that. You can get “vacation boobs.”  As a guy, I love the sound of that. What it really means though is that a New York city cosmetic surgeon has developed a process where he injects saline solution directly into the breasts to inflate them for anywhere from 24 hours to two weeks. The bodily gradually absorbs the saline and the boobs shrink back to their normal size. Apparently they’re also developing a process for butts and men’s calves and pecs. Seriously ladies, when you go to the beach have you ever checked out a guys calves? I’m not even sure I have calves. I’ve never looked. And if you are single and you invest in vacation boobs or pecs and you meet someone on vacation, how do you explain the change in your body later?

Also, in another demonstration of idiocy on the world wide web this week, Katy Perry’s boyfriend DJ Diplo (it should be Dipshit if you ask me) caused waves when he tweeted that “somebody should start a Kickstarter to get Taylor Swift a booty.” Dude, what is your problem? What has Taylor Swift ever done to you? How about you worry about your own girlfriend’s booty? If I’m Katy Perry I’m kicking this guy to the curb for paying attention to Taylor Swift’s booty. If Taylor Swift is worried about this she could invest in a vacation booty. Somehow though I doubt that Taylor Swift and her billions of dollars are worrying about a tweet by that loser. Katy, you could do so much better.

I could not believe how much stupidity populated the internet this week. I’m not a celeb follower but all this stupid “news” was unavoidable. But alas the internet did not break. So why don’t we break the internet? You and me. If everyone who reads this shares it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter and re-blog buttons below it will spread far and wide until it is the only thing on the internet. I posted this at 6:40 this morning. If you’re reading it, the internet isn’t broken yet. Get clicking! C’mon, help #The Phil Factor #BreakTheInternet.

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Google Me This Batman!

riddler

If this movie had been made a few years later I’m sure Jim Carrey’s character would have been The Googler. One of the biggest riddles is why does anyone sign into their Google account before searching for something?  I’m sure that’s a tremendous help to the NSA. (I’m also sure the NSA loves when I link my blog to their site) This is my quarterly “fun with search terms” post where I highlight some of the most entertaining search terms that have brought people to my blog. After perusing the long list of terms that people typed into an internet search engine I always come away with one thought: People are idiots.

11. Top ten most painful things in the world: Apparently Google thinks that reading my blog is one of them. This or something close was one of the most popular searches that brought people to my blog lately.

10. Kim Kardashian boobs: Yup, I’ve got them right here. Just don’t tell Kanye.

9. Kim Jong Un Kardashian: Has she married him now? I can’t keep up with her husbands anymore.

8. Animals smoking weed: It’s not yet legal to sell marijuana in my state, to humans, so I opened up a side business to keep me afloat until my books really take off.

download (1)

7. Alaska women looking love: Well of course they would look here. I can’t blame them. Sorry ladies, I’m taken.  Hmmm….I’m getting another business idea though.

6.  Links to punch people through the screen: I wonder, are they looking to punch me specifically or just searching for information on the topic?

5. Top ten things you need in a zombie: I’m pretty sure that I don’t need anything in a zombie. Is there a really stringent list of qualifications for that job?

4. Should I work out my glutes? Yes. Yes you should.

3. Meerkats have swag: Yeah they do!

meerkat-mafia

2. horniestintheland.com: If you just put the web address into your browser just a list of related links comes up because no one apparently owns that domain name. If however you put “horniestintheland.com” into a Google search you get a list of posts from my blog. Click that Google link above. I did it for you.

1. Sexiest bloggers alive: I’m not sure which is more embarrassing; that somebody searched this term, or that I was the answer to it. Click on this to see what happens when you put that into Google. See who’s #1? How awesome is that?

I hope you noticed that in the spirit of giving and the holidays I did include not ten, but 11 funny search terms. You’re welcome. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. If you came here from the NSA, thanks for all you do keeping us safe and please share this at the office too. Have a great Saturday everybody! ~Phil

Kim Kardashian’s Butt and Vacation Boobs

This is it. Mano a mano. Kim Kardashian versus #ThePhilFactor. Or rather it’s Kim Kardashian’s big bulbous butt versus my big bulbous sense of humor. Kim thought her racy pictures in PaperMag would #BreakTheInternet but she was sadly mistaken. If anybody breaks the internet it’s going to be me. Kim wanted to break it with her butt, but I’m going to break it by being an ass.

a2dee7debf51f3640

Yeah, Kim and I used to be an item way back when we were young. I was actually the first rung on her celebrity ladder. The fame and popularity of my books and The Phil Factor drew her to me. I should have known it wouldn’t last. The picture above is of us at a New Jersey Nets game. I thought she seemed just a little too eager to visit the locker room after the game. I should have known better.

Kim’s latest stunt, trying to “break the internet” by allowing the website for a little known magazine to post nude shots of her wasn’t even her or their idea. Check out this picture of myself I posted on The Phil Factor back in 2005 when Kim and I were dating.

PTKK

Look familiar? I’m pretty sure she photoshopped her head into this picture and gave it to that magazine. I’ve never shown my backside on The Phil Factor, but I’ve got glutes women would kill for. No one has yet but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Speaking of women killing for a great butt, I saw another item on the interwebs this week that caught my attention. What if you want the perfect body for lounging on the beach during your vacation but you don’t have the time to work out? Apparently there is now an answer to that. You can get “vacation boobs.”  As a guy, I love the sound of that. What it really means though is that a New York city cosmetic surgeon has developed a process where he injects saline solution directly into the breasts to inflate them for anywhere from 24 hours to two weeks. The bodily gradually absorbs the saline and the boobs shrink back to their normal size. Apparently they’re also developing a process for butts and men’s calves and pecs. Seriously ladies, when you go to the beach have you ever checked out a guys calves? I’m not even sure I have calves. I’ve never looked. And if you are single and you invest in vacation boobs or pecs and you meet someone on vacation, how do you explain the change in your body later?

Also, in another demonstration of idiocy on the world wide web this week, Katy Perry’s boyfriend DJ Diplo (it should be Dipshit if you ask me) caused waves when he tweeted that “somebody should start a Kickstarter to get Taylor Swift a booty.” Dude, what is your problem? What has Taylor Swift ever done to you? How about you worry about your own girlfriend’s booty? If I’m Katy Perry I’m kicking this guy to the curb for paying attention to Taylor Swift’s booty. If Taylor Swift is worried about this she could invest in a vacation booty. Somehow though I doubt that Taylor Swift and her billions of dollars are worrying about a tweet by that loser. Katy, you could do so much better.

I could not believe how much stupidity populated the internet this week. I’m not a celeb follower but all this stupid “news” was unavoidable. But alas the internet did not break. So why don’t we break the internet? You and me. If everyone who reads this shares it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter and re-blog buttons below it will spread far and wide until it is the only thing on the internet. I posted this at 6:40 this morning. If you’re reading it, the internet isn’t broken yet. Get clicking! C’mon, help #The Phil Factor #BreakTheInternet.

Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Throwback Thursdays! North by North West

Originally posted on The Phil Factor on June 22, 2013

kim-kardashian-kanye-west-baby-name-copyright__oPt

When Kim and Kanye Kardashian saddled their new child with the name North this week it gave me an idea. I’m going to become a lawyer and move to Hollywood. “But Phil, why would you quit your lucrative blogging career?” Thanks for asking, I’m going to tell you. I believe that being a lawyer in Hollywood will be a very financially sound career move in about 15 years. “But Phil, aren’t there already millions of sleazy lawyers in Hollywood? How would you be different?” My but you’re the curious one today. Alright, I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be just any sleazy Hollywood lawyer. I’m going to specialize in a certain type of lawsuits. I’m going to have a niche! I’m also going to stop starting all my sentences with I’m. “But Phil, what niche is this you speak of?” Damn you’re full of questions aren’t you? Well, because you’re my special friend, I’ll answer those questions, just for you.

Apple, Crumpet, Maddox, Coco, Diezel, Banjo, Satchel, Pilot, Sparrow, Willow, Tennessee, Blue Ivy, Ocean, and now North. What may initially look like a string of random foods,  inanimate objects, and directions is actually a list of celebrity baby names. This is just a short list too. Doing my research for this I actually had to stop myself because the list goes on and on. When these kids grow up, they are not going to be happy with their parents. I’m in my forties and I still haven’t forgiven my parents for my middle name of Francis. (Can you imagine how often I’ve heard someone say “Lighten up Francis“?) I can’t even imagine how mad these Hollywood kids are going to be.

So what’s a kid to do when they grow up wealthy, aimless, and stuck with a stupid name? Get a reality show? Maybe. More importantly, they can sue their parents! That’s where I’ll step in to fill the void. Phil Factor, Esquire to the rescue! As many of us know, if you have an unusual first, middle, or last name children can be cruel in their teasing. I will approach each of the aforementioned celebrity children and offer to help secure their financial future by seeking compensation for their lifelong pain and suffering. See? I already sound like a lawyer!

As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. Also, if you like my writing in small bits you might even like more of it! My humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is now available in all e-bookstores as is my second book, Fifty Shades of Phil, a compilation of the 50 best posts from the last 8 years of The Phil Factor, is available for only 99 cents.  And by all means follow me on Facebook and Twitter. I am totally diggin’ on that social media action lately. Have a great Thursday! ~ Phil

 

2013 Winners and Losers: Kim, Kanye, Phil, Miley and The Biebs

MileyPhil

I know not all of you are from the States but surely you’ll be familiar with at least some of these story lines:

Miley Cyrus: After Miley’s bawdy “twerking” demonstration with Robin Thicke at the VMA’s there was literally public outrage. Really everybody? We’re mad because she did a kind of weird, kind of sexy, kind of dance? I wasn’t alive in the 1950’s, but apparently everybody was so upset about some guy named Elvis moving his hips, the 50’s version of twerking, that the networks wouldn’t show his hips on TV. Remember the 1980’s when everyone was aghast about Madonna‘s sexual songs and revealing outfits? The network, the VMA’s and Robin Thicke were all in on this and everybody is calling Miley crazy. She’s crazy like a fox. Or maybe crazy like Charlie Sheen. We’re still talking about it and we all loved Wrecking Ball. Who wins? #MileyCyrus.

KimKanye

Kanye West: This one was a battle of the titans. Kanye West vs. the Kardashians. Kanye won, but ultimately he will lose. Kanye won the baby name battle but he will lose the war. Dude was so desperate to revive his flagging career that he married a Kardashian. Kim changes husbands like I change my underwear, at least once a year. Mark my words, 2014 will see Kanye sent packing and baby North will take on the Kardashian name. If that happens, consider yourself lucky my friend. Look at what they did to Bruce Jenner. Kanye would have been better off changing his name to Kardashian. Does he even still make music anymore? Verdict: Loser.

Kim Jong Un: I tricked you when I put Kim in the title. Some of you may have missed this, but after his crazy dad died Kim Jong Un took over control of North Korea and just a couple weeks ago had his uncle killed just to consolidate his power. Dude has got some serious family issues. Stomping out dictators and global bad guys is like playing Whack-a-mole. Once you knock off one another one pops up to take his place. I’m not psychic but but I’m getting the feeling that Kim Jong Un  may have drones in his future, and not the ones delivering from Amazon. Kim Jong Un may think he’s winning, but before long history books will show that he is a loser.

Duck Dynasty

Phil Robertson and Duck Dynasty: I can’t believe the A&E network was shocked that an old redneck said bigoted things. My personal beliefs and politics aren’t the issue, but I am furious that you let him get away with sullying the good name of Phil. I’ve suspended him from Phil Club and he’s not getting back in. Ever. Who cares if the Duck Dynasty family walks off the set and never films another episdode? A&E, way to go caving in to a bunch of backwoods primadonnas. Way to set a precedent. As a network you have enough money and other shows to move on without Duck Dynasty and the Duck Dynasty family has enough money to walk away and not even miss the show.  Loser: A&E

Bieber

Justin Bieber: The Biebs had a rough 2013. In March he collapsed during a concert, attacked a photographer and in a tweet defending himself mocked Lindsay Lohan. He wrapped up his stellar March 2013 by spitting at a neighbor who had complained that #Bieber was driving too fast in their little neighborhood. In April while visiting the Anne Frank museum he actually wrote in the guest book, “Truly inspiring to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber.” What an idiot. I’m sure she’d have followed The Phil Factor. Then in October the able bodied #Justin Bieber is criticized worldwide for having his bodyguards carry him up the stairs at the Great Wall of China. Finally about two weeks ago he announced his retirement. Retirement from what? Being a complete jerk? Just based on 2013 I’m tempted to attach the phrase ‘colossal asshat’ to The Biebs, but I believe the jury is still out. He’s a talented kid who is only 20 years old. If I were judged on my 20 year old self I’d call me a colossal asshat too. Ok #JustinBieber, you’ve screwed up one year, it’s up to you if you screw up the rest. Verdict: Only time will tell.

As always, if you’ve enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please his the Facebook or Twitter share button below and feel free to leave a comment here as well. You know Anne Frank would. Yeah, I know I said I’d post my New Years resolutions today. Apparently I lied. I’ll post those on Monday or Tuesday. Have a great weekend!

North by North West

kim-kardashian-kanye-west-baby-name-copyright__oPt

When Kim and Kanye Kardashian saddled their new child with the name North this week it gave me an idea. I’m going to become a lawyer and move to Hollywood. “But Phil, why would you quit your lucrative blogging career?” Thanks for asking, I’m going to tell you. I believe that being a lawyer in Hollywood will be a very financially sound career move in about 15 years. “But Phil, aren’t there already millions of sleazy lawyers in Hollywood? How would you be different?” My but you’re the curious one today. Alright, I’ll tell you. I’m not going to be just any sleazy Hollywood lawyer. I’m going to specialize in a certain type of lawsuits. I’m going to have a niche! I’m also going to stop starting all my sentences with I’m. “But Phil, what niche is this you speak of?” Damn you’re full of questions aren’t you? Well, because you’re my special friend, I’ll answer those questions, just for you.

Apple, Crumpet, Maddox, Coco, Diezel, Banjo, Satchel, Pilot, Sparrow, Willow, Tennessee, Blue Ivy, Ocean, and now North. What may initially look like a string of random foods,  inanimate objects, and directions is actually a list of celebrity baby names. This is just a short list too. Doing my research for this I actually had to stop myself because the list goes on and on. When these kids grow up, they are not going to be happy with their parents. I’m in my forties and I still haven’t forgiven my parents for my middle name of Francis. (Can you imagine how often I’ve heard someone say “Lighten up Francis“?) I can’t even imagine how mad these Hollywood kids are going to be.

So what’s a kid to do when they grow up wealthy, aimless, and stuck with a stupid name? Get a reality show? Maybe. More importantly, they can sue their parents! That’s where I’ll step in to fill the void. Phil Factor, Esquire to the rescue! As many of us know, if you have an unusual first, middle, or last name children can be cruel in their teasing. I will approach each of the aforementioned celebrity children and offer to help secure their financial future by seeking compensation for their lifelong pain and suffering. See? I already sound like a lawyer!

As always, if you enjoy what you read here at #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. Also, if you like my writing in small bits you might even like more of it! My humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is now available in all e-bookstores and next Saturday my second book, Fifty Shades of Phil, a compilation of the 50 best posts from the last 8 years of The Phil Factor, will be available.  And by all means follow me on Facebook and Twitter. I am totally diggin’ on that social media action lately.