Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets

hipster-beethoven-before-twitter

These aren’t the ten funniest tweets I’ve ever read, but they are the ten funniest recent tweets I’m willing to put on my blog. Also, when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, I’m going to pass a law that if you choose a Twitter name you have to keep it as your legal name forever.

10.  @droidbears:  flight attendant: Sir, are you raising your hand?

                                     me: How do i access the wifi?

                                     FA: I’m doing safety announcements

                                     me: Is that lowercase?

9. @sixfootcandy: I started using extra sensitive toothpaste and now I can’t stop crying.

8. @theCatWhisperer: I get way to many American Eagle emails for someone who graduated from college 15 years ago.

7. @djdarrellripley:  Him: Ok now, remember, whatever is in this suitcase, we split in two.

Me: What if it’s a kitten?

colourbox.com

colourbox.com

6. @sarcasticmommy4: Kids are the reason they invented the 24 hour psychiatric hold.

aea3a6451902aef2aac4163e4bb56298

5. @thatUPSdude:  Judge: Before I sentence you to death do you have any last words?

  Me: He was wearing crocs with socks.

   Judge: Bailiff set this man free!

4. @inkedzombie: My savings account is really just a Crown Royal bag full of change.

Crown-Royal-Bag

3. @TheMichaelRock:  Me: I don’t even like peanut butter on tortilla shells.

Alcohol: Yes you do.

2. @In_Twittaland:  1% battery…

Because I like to live on the

sock-puppet-1

1.  @Dawn_M_: Old enough to know my sock puppet isn’t real, young enough to still kill drifters at his command.

That last tweet is why I love Twitter so much.  If you haven’t signed up for Twitter yet, by all means do so and follow me @ThePhilFactor and I’ll follow you back. If you’re not sure how to “do Twitter”, read this handy little guide I wrote a while ago. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

8 responses to “Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets

  1. These are a riot. I love 5 and 6.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I literally LOL’d at #2! Gotta love Twitter πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. NotAPunkRocker

    Very good and agree, the last two are great! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I still have my account on Twitter
    Cause I’m not a Twitter quitter
    But rarely post although I might
    If only I knew what to write
    This greatly helps my situation
    Thank you for the inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. #2 has my vote too. Laughed out loud πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Twitter is essential for daily LOLZ! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Not Twitter that’s funny. It’s socks. Those two are damned funny. Love your photo illustration, too. He’s so cute. And raggy. Raggy and cute.

    Liked by 1 person

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