Tag Archives: funny tweets

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets!

A lot of people say “Twitter? I don’t get it.” Sometimes even Presidents don’t get it even WHEN they THINK they DO. If you’re a President, or just someone who wants to understand Twitter better, follow these ten funny people”

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets

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You know I’m a fan of Twitter and one of my favorite places to hang out is funny Twitter. Funny Twitter you ask? Yes, Funny Twitter. Twitter can be whatever you want and you can find groups of people from all over the world that share your interests. If you have an interest in hand painting the shells of left handed turtles, there’s a Twitter for that. It’s called Hand Painting Left Handed Turtle Shells Twitter! Duh! There’s Democrat Twitter, Republican Twitter, Canadian Twitter and British Twitter. If you belong to a group, there’s a Twitter for you. But my favorite Twitter is the one that commences at 5 p.m. U.S. EST on Friday. It’s Weekend Twitter! There are no holds barred. I will spare you some of the more.. ahem.. interesting tweets from Weekend Twitter. Here are some of my favorite recent tweets:

Have a great Tuesday and follow all these funny people on Twitter. ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Great Tweets!

I like to say things in 500-700 words. I’m not all that great at Twitter, but there are others who have mastered the short form humor. Despite the recent change to 280 characters, there are still people who are brilliantly funny with very little said. Here are some of my recent favorite, laugh out loud tweets:

If you’re one of the people that say, “I just don’t get Twitter, read THIS. You can find me on Twitter @thephilfactor. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets

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These aren’t the ten funniest tweets I’ve ever read, but they are the ten funniest recent tweets I’m willing to put on my blog. Also, when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, I’m going to pass a law that if you choose a Twitter name you have to keep it as your legal name forever.

10.  @droidbears:  flight attendant: Sir, are you raising your hand?

                                     me: How do i access the wifi?

                                     FA: I’m doing safety announcements

                                     me: Is that lowercase?

9. @sixfootcandy: I started using extra sensitive toothpaste and now I can’t stop crying.

8. @theCatWhisperer: I get way to many American Eagle emails for someone who graduated from college 15 years ago.

7. @djdarrellripley:  Him: Ok now, remember, whatever is in this suitcase, we split in two.

Me: What if it’s a kitten?

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6. @sarcasticmommy4: Kids are the reason they invented the 24 hour psychiatric hold.

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5. @thatUPSdude:  Judge: Before I sentence you to death do you have any last words?

  Me: He was wearing crocs with socks.

   Judge: Bailiff set this man free!

4. @inkedzombie: My savings account is really just a Crown Royal bag full of change.

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3. @TheMichaelRock:  Me: I don’t even like peanut butter on tortilla shells.

Alcohol: Yes you do.

2. @In_Twittaland:  1% battery…

Because I like to live on the

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1.  @Dawn_M_: Old enough to know my sock puppet isn’t real, young enough to still kill drifters at his command.

That last tweet is why I love Twitter so much.  If you haven’t signed up for Twitter yet, by all means do so and follow me @ThePhilFactor and I’ll follow you back. If you’re not sure how to “do Twitter”, read this handy little guide I wrote a while ago. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Funniest Tweets I Read Last Week

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Sadly, none of these were written by me. I love my Twitter though. If I was still doing stand-up I’d be stealing from Twitter all the time. In no particular order of funniness, here are ten tweets that made me laugh this week.

@Quartzjixler: Fifty Shades of Grey? See it all the time. – dogs

@AnAbsurdBird: I only go to the gym this time of day cos *all the pensioners in make me look like a badass, *some of, *OK! Just that guy with the dodgy hip.

@SamGrittner: POLICE OFFICER: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

ME: “Because you know I love riddles.”

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@Sasshole: I’d like to say I have a yoga body, but it’s really more of a Yoda body. Resist all the cheese, I can’t.

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@HeyZeus666: *starts hot tub time machine*

*goes back 3 hours in time*

*saves fifteen bucks by not going to see Hot Tub Time Machine*

@SardonicTart: If God is real, then explain why the weekend is only two days

@Ryncasaurus: Woman: what colour are my eyes?

Man: white

W: what? White??

M: oh. Sorry. That’s the only part we see when you’re always rolling                                 them at us.

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@biclops72: The Grinch’s prostate was also 3 sizes too big

@CatherineLMK: Oh, so if a baby takes 3 steps and falls over, everyone goes nuts. But if I do it I’m “an embarrassment” and “ruining your son’s birthday”?

Like I said, I love my Twitter, but not everyone “gets” Twitter. If you aren’t a tweeter but would like to understand it a little better, read my post from last fall,  A Guide to Twitter for the Non-Twits.  If you are on Twitter and I’m not following you yet, follow me @ThePhilFactor and I’ll follow you back. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil