Vermont is one of the politically and socially weirdest states in the union so how could I not make fun of it? Had I known last year that their Senator was going to run for President I would have included him. Of course last year I wasn’t entirely sure if Vermont had Senators. Quick, can anyone name the other one?
(8/23/2014) Aaah….Vermont! The lush rolling hills of green, home of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and….and….Well, I guess there really isn’t anything else.
Oh, sorry, there is more in Vermont. There’s more cows and maple trees than there are people. The prideful Vermonter will of course remind you that there is skiing and snowboarding on all their wonderful mountains. Of course there’s skiing and snowboarding! It’s winter ten months out of the year. In the northern part of Vermont, which might as well be Canada, there’s still snow on the tops of mountains now! Actually, we did try to give away the northern part of Vermont to Canada once but the Canucks said, “Ugh, Vermont? Are you kidding me?” Well, they said it in a little Frenchy accent. (Memo to self: Write a Phil Factor about Canada’s weirdness)
Actually, the idea that the United States would give away Vermont isn’t that far fetched. Vermont was once it’s own independent country for 14 years. It’s the Liechtenstein of North America. That ought to be their state motto. Instead their state motto is “Freedom and Unity” because they’re never sure if they want to secede from the union or admit that they’re just the other half of New Hampshire.
And they’re not even the good half! Vermont is the only New England state that doesn’t have an inch of beachfront property on the Atlantic.
Vermont is an ironic state too. Maybe they meant to be funny when they did this, but the state has no law against public nudity. One small city does, but in the rest of the state you can go anywhere you want buck ass nekkid! It’s ironic that it’s always too cold there to be naked outside and ironically, there aren’t a whole lot of Vermonters you’d want to see naked due to the amount of dairy products and maple syrup that the state consumes. Maybe their state motto should be: Vermont: Diabetic Capitol of The World Since 1791!
I wasn’t kidding about the cows. They’re everywhere. There’s so many that Vermont uses their waste to create energy from the methane gas. Maybe their state motto should be: Vermont: Powered by Poop!
Oh yeah, see all that empty space behind Maria Von Trapp? That’s Vermont. At the end of the movie when the Von Trapps escaped the Nazis they fled to Vermont. I kid you not. The Von Trapp Family Lodge is still there. (That’s really the link. Somehow Maria was smart enough to purchase the domain name 60 years ago.) The Nazis, who used to be world champs at holding a grudge, were going to pursue the Von Trapps but when they heard they settled in Vermont they said, “Ugh, Vermont? Are you kidding me? That’s punishment enough.”
As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it with your favorite Vermonter by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog button below. Be sure to come back Saturday morning for…well…hopefully something funny that I’ll think of by then. (suggestions are always welcome) ~Phil